He works long hours, and will often bring work home and shut himself away in the study till late. We don't seem to do anything as a couple any more. How can I get him to slow down and remember that theres life away from work?
2006-10-05 23:12:16 · 11 answers · asked by michelle s 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You need to get your man to talk to you. It's male-nature to hide away in their cave when they are hurting. And you don't know if he's hurting, because of his relationship with you or because something is wrong at work. He is still coming home to you and he is still paying the bills. If he was cheating, I'd expect he'd be out a lot.
When my husband started that behavior, it went on a long time. I didn't really explore it, because I was busy so raising my babies. And he kept bringing home the paychecks and we were living the good life. It turned out, his professional life was horrible. And he was going through this terrible depression.
He ended up losing his job. And we ended up in counseling. We made it, but it was not easy.
You need to talk to him honestly. And you need to get him to talk. And that will not be easy. Men don't want to talk. Take him out to dinner somewhere special. Heck, get a hotel room. It doesn't have to cost a lot. Make it a non-work day and give him plenty of notice (your man sounds anti-social (mine is too), so he's gonna hate being dragged out of his cave, but it's got to be done--you can't talk to them in there where they hide, they just growl and get angry).
To get him to agree, give him plenty of notice, and remind him as the date approaches. Begging and rubbing against him is kind of cheesy but it's usuallly worked for me. I've kind of rambled. But I remember the pain I went through with my man and I really hope your relationship can get back on its tracks.
Love,
Laura
2006-10-07 03:07:14 · answer #1 · answered by Laura D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel your pain but i want to clarify something, is he your husband or a boyfriend? If he's your husband, have a one on one talk with him. From the statement, i'm assuming he's the breadwinner and he's trying his best to pay the bills and all.
Converse with him one on one and bare your mind to him.Make him understand that you want some attention and you'd like to do things you used to do as a couple. If he's ready to compromise, buy a bottle of wine, dress lovely( have your hair done, do a manicure, wear a nice gown), make his favourite food and do things to spice up your relationship if you know what i mean.
I wish you good luck and if he's not ready to compromise, don't put him down. Its a gradual process as he in turn feels that with him working hard for money, will also make you happy. So you need to be there for him, patiently teaching him what to do even if it means he has to create ''alone'' time for both of you.
2006-10-05 23:48:05 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to make some time for You Both to share with each other!
Change the Normal Routine Environment that creates this Void!
Do this by Arranging a Meal out or a Weekend away!
When you have his undivided attention-Talk Openly and calmly to him!
If you are Not afraid of getting hurt try explaining your concerns in a Loving rational way!
2006-10-05 23:15:57 · answer #3 · answered by J. Charles 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
By NOT patiently sitting in front of his locked study door like a doormat. Go out with friends, don't wait for your absentee partner to provide the entertainment in your life. If you do this for a while, one of two things will happen: either he will wake up and take an active role in the relationship again, or you will find that you don't need him and end it when you're ready.
2006-10-05 23:15:21 · answer #4 · answered by Liz 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Set one night a week where you both go out on a 'first date'.
Get to know a surprising fact that you never knew about each other before . Talk over a nice meal, candlelit dinner, wine, coffee, dessert. Chew and swallow your food slowly, sensually...
Sex role play in bed. Prison warden-prisoner. Maid-servant-master of the house. Strip for each other with sexy g-string, music, pole-dancing.
2006-10-05 23:17:10 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hide in the study naked, when he shuts himself in there, lay across his desk and tell him you've been very bad and need correction, and tell him it's entirely up to him how he wants to correct you, if this does not work, then it's pretty much fizzled and it's just a comfort thing now...
2006-10-05 23:16:09 · answer #6 · answered by Ladeebug71 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your situation sounds so natural. I see many questionable doubts akin to: Are you special he's in his research legitimately operating? Are you definite the rationale he's shutting himself away has not anything to do with you? If you spoke back "sure" to each questions then, I could endorse making an appointment with him. While he turns out relatively "paintings pushed", making an appointment could no longer handiest appear funny, but additionally respectful for his time/willpower to his task. It additionally makes a declaration that we ought to "make time" for one an additional and I care approximately that too.
2016-08-29 07:05:02 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
schedule an event (theatre tickets, etc) he is more likely to attend if you buy them in advance. stay in a hotel close to the event the night before, after or both.
2006-10-05 23:15:08 · answer #8 · answered by casurfwatcher 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like when my father was cheating on my mother. Check that out and see if he is really at work.
2006-10-05 23:14:46 · answer #9 · answered by adobeprincess 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If he is really hard worker and not a cheater,you should feel lucky and help him in his work.Moreover you should also involve yourself in somekind of usefull work.
2006-10-05 23:24:54 · answer #10 · answered by agni 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋