whats wrong with me?

Question

I truly love my husband but he doesn't act like the same person. We have been together for two years and have a daughter together. He works third shift at panera bread as a baker. He earns pretty good money, but we still have those small problems every couple has, we also have some major ones that most don't. Lately i have been feeling distant from him. We only make love to each other maybe once or twice a month. But the other times i'll finish him but he won't do me. He just hugs me and starts to fall asleep like its okay. Sometimes i don't say anything, but lately its becoming a pattern. Also when i ask him if he loves me he says yes but in an aggravated tone. I am always catching him giving other girls the eye, even though he said he will never cheat on me. I mean sometimes i can see why he looks i don't really look good anymore after having a ten pound baby. I never got any real help from him so i never lost the weight its been 18 months. Do you think he still loves me?Or what?

Answer 1

You've asked a point blank question along with a rather long explanation so my answer will probably be equally long or longer,,,,,I've read all of the answers and suggestions that you've gotten prior to this one and most of them suggest that you basically pamper and cater to him more ,,,,, when in fact you should be looking more to yourself than to him but I'll get to that later,,,,, First off there's nothing WRONG with you ,,,,, It's just that there is a point or two that may not be right is all ,,,,,,You never mentioned your age so with only one child I'm assuming that you are at least in your 20's ,,,,,, To be honest ,,,,,and judging from what information you have given I feel that probably deep down he does love you basically but that most likely he's lost interest in you ,,,, I derive that from what you said about his "roving eye",,,,, For the most part most guys especially guys in their early 20's aren't really mature enough or as much as they should be anyway when they get themselves into a situation that is supposed to have a lasting commitment ,,,,, It's just the nature of the beast so to speak ,,,,, and I don't think it's fair really but that's the way things can develop ,,,,, He loved you enough to get you pregnant because you obviously looked good enough in his eyes to get you that way in the first place,,,,,young guys are sometimes and can be selfish ,,,,,and this might sound harsh ,,, hard ,,, or what ever but you did mention that you gained weight during and after the pregnancy ,,,,, this isn't your fault or his ,,,, but it's you that has to deal with it ,,,,,You can't please him unless you please yourself,,, I'm gussing that you don't like the way you look right now so you need to get your mind on you and think about how much you love him and want to please him ,,,, You need to concentrate on getting yourself back to the way you were when you attracted him in the first place ,,,,,, You can't be any good for him ,,,or anyone else until you are good for yourself first ,,,,, No one can do this for you ,,,,, That's why I said earlier that you need to sit down and have a good think with yourself so to speak and make a list of self evaluations ,,,,, Make a list of your good points on one side and also be honest with yourself and list the negative points too,,,, This is for you to do not him so don't let him know what you are doing ,,,,, It might take time to imporve yourself or it may not ,,,,, It depends largely on your own determination ,,,, You said earlier that you love him so the measure of your determination could also be a measure of your love for him too,,,, So in the mean time you are not trying to raise one child but two ,,, Or at least two until he gets cut in anyway ,,,,,, I do agree that what he's doing to you in or out of bed is not fair to you ,,,,Infact it's VERY unfair and selfish of him but there again he's showing his immaturity again,,,But it's you that has to do something about it He can't help you due to his immaturity,,,,,, The ball is in your court so to speak ,,,,,,, What are you going to do with it ?? ,,,, I truely hope things work out not only for you but for the sake of your young one ,,,,,, With alot of young marriages the partners usually find out that they are in lust instead of love but by the time that happens it's usually one or two children or more too late ,,,, There are alot of broken families in this country today and it's due largely to the lack of maturity of either one or both partners ,,,,,, So what you do with yourself will not only be good for you and him but your little one too ,,,,Get yourself back to the way you used to look and start worrying him about how other guys look at you ,,,,,He just might see it as a wake up call lol,,,, I don't know if you'll rate this answer as the best one but I strongly urge you to think about and act on the suggestions I've given you ,,,,, Anything you do in that direction would be a positive move on your part reguardless ,,,,,, Hope things work out for you and yours,,,,, Yoda told you all of this ,,,, May the force be with you lol ,,,,,,,, take care ,,,,,

Answer 2

every man eyes up other women. that is not the problem, what you have to work through and discuss is why is he falling asleep all the time and never make love to you. It can be that he has stress at work and is effecting his sexual performance. this is very common with men.

Have you ever tried to get him more in the mood? Or maybe hire a babysitter to take care of your baby for a weekend and get a small break just you and him. If you see that things do not work out still between you too, see a counseller as the problem might be coming from somewhere else and not you and the way you look.

Answer 3

Its hard for anyone not that couple to answer this question. All i can say is that trust is the cornerstone to any sucessfull relationship. I hope you didnt just fall in love in a week and get married the next week. if you spent enough time with him to get to know each other a little bit then i am sure you both will be able to hit it off.

Its easy for a man who works 40+ hour weeks to get annoyed, irritated, or maybe not very active in sex unless he has a very high drive for sex. Its just been two years of marriage. You have to adjust and compromise on lots of things now hoping things will get better and your husband will adjust and compromise on things when its much needed for you.

I am sure there will be a situation in your life when you need him the most than anything in life (money, physical pleasure, jewels, watever) and he will be there with that time and he will it be your reassurance for your love.

It takes a lot for a man to understand that no matter how our life is we need to behave and treat our partner good. Even if a man decides to be like that certain circumstances makes some changes in him and he forgets of his decision or atleast temporarily.

So please understand that being a good husband is not entirely in the husbands hands. Its more on the time and situation the family is in. Just be patient and trust and show him that you trust him. There is atleast 50 more years to live together (assuming you are in ur 20's) so dont worry you have lot of time to make it up for the lost time and love now.

THis one is old but gold , patience is virtue.

Peace

Answer 4

it's time for a makeover. go get your hair done, nails, lose a few pounds if you feel like you need to. drop your daughter off at the sitters house for the evening. plan a quiet dinner, dessert and re romance your relationship. i know having kids, things change. you get so wrapped up into the everyday responsibilities you tend to forget to take care of each other. plan a night alone and rock his world.
on the nights after wards, get a routine going, find something the two of you enjoy doing together. break out the scrabble game, play competitively against each other. it really doesn't matter what you do, but find something where the two of you can escape the drudgery of everyday life and enjoy each others company even if it's just for a few hours.

oh, and by the way, there probably isnt anything wrong with you. you two just need to rekindle the romance is all

Answer 5

It sounds like this problem has just started which may be a good thing because it can be resolved easier. You should sit down and talk to him and tell him how you feel. Then sit back and listen to how he feels. Communication is a great teacher. It sounds like you have a low self-esteem issue and need reassurance from you still look good. You should relay this to your husband. Have you asked your husband to workout with you? If he said no then this still should not deter you form working out you should look good for you even if your husband doesn't want to help. You need to raise your own self-esteem, if he is not willing to help. I think your husband still loves you but you should sit down and talk with him about why things are stating to take a turn before the cart gets too far away from the horse....Oh and by the way...there is nothing wrong with you.

Answer 6

I think it's the male syndrome.. Male have eyes so don't even think or preventing them to look at toher girls.. It's common.. If he said he won't cheat on you, then he won't.. Trust him first.. Next, don't be too hard on yourself.. It is common for women to gain weight after giving birth.. Instead of worrying about things, why not do something so you can loose weight?

Try to find time to have conversation with him.. Like when having dinner.. Don't push him for answers but instead, give him enough space.. Don't force answers out from him.. Tell him how much you love him and admit that you are ahving a hard time with the way he acts with you.. A good conversation is the most common answer to all problematic relationship question..

Good luck then ^-^

Answer 7

Everyone always recognizes what a woman goes through when a baby is born, but men too feel the change. It is a huge adaption to realize you are no longer number 1 anymore. Its more than ok to look at the opposite sex, its the touching you worry about. Have a frank conversation with him. As hard as it is to find that couples time with a baby around, you cant forget you are not just a mother but a wife and a companion too.

Answer 8

Dear friend, I can understand the agony.I don't think anyone can give any real solution to this problem except yourself. I also strongly believe that you shall be getting quite a number of responses as an expert comment. Those shall be further confusing you.
I suggest a simple remedy.Remove this thought out of your head for sometime.Develop a strong friendship with your husband and care for him and share precious moments. Ask him if you can do something more for him? But, don't observe him critically and for the responses as your mind may be preoccupied and biased with the thoughts. I think this simple action plan shall help you to come out of your difficult time

Answer 9

Love is not the question here..but how we keep that love..I'm pretty sure he still does....sometimes it is because of our insecurities that incur the problem. You got to fight the insecurity "cancer" phenomenon....how about make some make-over...and try to work out even if you're juts at home....it will make you feel and look better...be confident..though it's true that nothing is permanent so as people change but we can get along with changes...we can go with the flow...we can get on with it! Changes should not stop you...you go with it!

Answer 10

Have you had time to have a date night since your daughter was born? Make time for just the two of you and try to talk to him then. Do you ever ask him how his day at work went? Have you ever shown an actual interest in what he does at work? Or how about his friends? Do you welcome them over, or do you tell Hubby that the house is a mess,a nd you don't feel like cleaning? I had to teach my husband what it meant to communicate when we started dating. Most people don't understand the difference between talking and communicating.

Answer 11

sounds like to me that you need a little spice back in your relationship. i don't know if this helps, but try losing weight. A good diet is Suzanne Sommers. I did it and it worked for me. Also try changing your hairstyle, getting dressed up for him, taking some extra time to make him happy outside of the bedroom. Also try reading Dr. Laura Schlessinger's book The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands