20 years ago my ex and I were together and expecting a baby. It turned out after a DNA test 6 months after she was born that she wasn't mine.
I was devastated and took her back to her parents home and drove back home for 100 miles crying all the way back.
I've managed to push the hurt away for all these years and now more than ever it's all emotionally coming back.
I loved her more than anything and I forced myself to hate her back then.
Now I find myself crying every once in a while late at night over this.
I am happily married for 17 years but I don't know what to do.
2006-10-05 21:59:28 · 8 answers · asked by jv1080mpc60 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I want to contact her and try to close what is still an open wound and possibly for her, too. I don't know. It's killing me.
2006-10-05 22:11:44 · update #1
OK...I'm NOT happily married.
2006-10-05 22:30:20 · update #2
I don't know you, but regret after this much time has to be difficult on you and those around you.
i would say...whenever these thoughts come to mind...you have to forgive yourself.
yeah...forgive yourself.
i understand you didn't do anything wrong.
i understand she conceived a baby with someone else.
But you must be blaming yourself for something...afterall...
being bitter and angry over betrayal is one thing.
Feeling down...maybe angry...but hurt 20 years later seems to me like you regret something.
i would say forgive yourself. Assure yourself that you made the right decision to let go...and do so. Let go.
Embrace your spouse of 17 years - and know with confidence that you had the love and commitment in your heart to give...and ultimately, you gave it to the right person.
I wish you many more "happily married for 17 years".
2006-10-05 22:06:58 · answer #1 · answered by Warrior 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes we find ourselves longing for someone who is not there and in the process hurt the people who cares for us. As in a malay proverb translated ' we cannot get what we chased for and in the process lost what we already have'. You don't want that to happen right? Did something trigger the memories? I have ever experience hurt before but now I'm happily married, I don't want to spoil that and hurt my family.
Ask yourself, do you want your wife to still cry for her first or lost love? How would you feel?
2006-10-06 05:53:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are so full of crap. 20 years ago you could not get a DNA test done to see if you were the dad or not. These test have not been around but for about 10 years or less.
Do your homework next time and stop the B.S.
2006-10-06 06:10:27 · answer #3 · answered by Mit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You never got proper closure...Maybe you can get in contact with her and ask her, why she did what she did...and tell her that she really hurt you.
If anything i don't think it has anything to do with you still feeling for her...rather, i think its still the betrayal on her part, and the promise of what could have been.
Have you ever talked to your wife about this? She will understand why you have to contact her...
Let it be a one time thing, tell her everything you felt and ask her whatever you want to...remember, now the both of you are adults, and through this experience you have the chance to forgive her.
2006-10-06 05:10:59 · answer #4 · answered by Patience 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1st of all, why in God's name did you take the DNA test? Were you hoping that the baby isn't yours?
2nd, you are crying because you are sad, because you are angry, because the person you LOVE had hurt you. but the operative word here is "LOVE". You still love her. So why make it complicated? Why make it hard for yourself? And I know you love the baby too, so don't waste another second thinking. ACT. You don't want it to be too late.
There is a saying..don't know who said it:
"Forgiveness is the only key to Happiness"
think about that one.
2006-10-06 05:05:58 · answer #5 · answered by Eury Peima 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its ur ego hurt problem.You are happily remarried.There isnt any foolish thing other than thinking of the gone past and ruining present life.
2006-10-06 05:11:32 · answer #6 · answered by aquarian 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The name Idiot would suit you perfectly.
You are married for 17 years now, I think you must hate your wife also, since hate made you give up the other woman.
Seems there is nothing but hate filled up inside you.
2006-10-06 05:04:03 · answer #7 · answered by ashok kumar 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You are not happy in your present relationship so you have been reflecting on past ones.This is normal,at least for me,I just try to stay away from my X's.
2006-10-06 05:47:12 · answer #8 · answered by want2wild 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋