We've been married for about a year now. Things were great for the first couple months but all of a sudden it went downhill. Let me explain a few things. My wife and I work at the same place, a hotel. She works the afternoons and I work the midnights. 4 months ago we stopped having sex, I think I know why and it is kind of legitimate even though I wish she'd talk to me about it. Recently, I've had this feeling that she's cheating. It's small things, and at times I see them as unjustified but I see them none the less. The first being the sex thing, though I think I know why I am not certain as we havn't talked about it. Second, she just recently started using her old E-Mail address again. It has her maiden name in it. I'll admit now that I have spied on her and havn't seen any bad E-Mails but how do I know that she doesn't delete them as soon as she reads them. Another reason I think she might cheat and leave me is that when we first me she was engaged and left him for me.
HELP ME!!!
2006-10-05 20:08:24 · 27 answers · asked by Norm 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You don't have a case yet. In order for someone to cheat on somehow there needs to communication either in person or via a phone or computer.
Is there gaps in places were she goes or should be? The email is a form of communication and sure she can delete messages but only if she is at the computer. Log into her email from an other PC and try different times. This way you can get into her account before she views them and for most email accounts you can make messages that have been viewed marked as unread so she will not be the wiser.
This does not mean she is cheating but if your going to snoop you might as well do it right. I guess you can have a talk with her if things really start to go downhill.
2006-10-05 20:15:54 · answer #1 · answered by SummerRain Girl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The one thing I have always learned to trust is my gut instinct. Most people who suspect their significant other is cheating are usually correct to some degree. Unfortunatly the fact that you both work different shifts doesn't help the possability of it happening if it isn't already. One of the first signs is the refusal of being intimite. Her suddenly deciding to use her old email address with her maiden name doesnt help either. Could be that if she is cheating that the person she is cheating or flirting with does not know she is married. It's all to easy to delete any emails. Does she have yahoo messenger? if so can you get into it? If yes then enable her archives to keep her messages.Msn also has this feature now. Before jumping the gun however be sure you really have something to act on. Does your phone have caller ID? You can always call the operator and tell them that you are recieving prank calls and would like for them to trace your calls for a day. If nothing turns up as unusual,then relax, Don't make yourself nuts. Just keep an eye open for any odd behavior. Good luck
2006-10-05 20:39:09 · answer #2 · answered by Laura R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems that the two of you are missing quality time together..which for a woman can especially be very difficult, in the case of connecting in order to have sex.
As far as you checking up on her, you are only making yourself insane since you aren't finding anything solid, you are making it even more complicated than it already is. So lesson there is, don't read into things, unless you enjoy temporary insanity...trust me, i have been there.
You mentioned about her leaving her fiance for you...does she realize that you have a bad opinion about her due to this? You need to first and foremost, resolve this within yourself. Remember...she chose you! You have to give her the benefit of the doubt, and do things to rectify the situation.
What can you do? Visit her doing work...just to stop by a give her a kiss...send her flowers, but anonymously...send her a "i love you" card to her old e-mail account...
Send her an e-mail, or write a note to her telling her that you miss her...take her out to lunch, or cook her a lunch (according to her schedule) and tell her that you have been feeling lonely without her, and that maybe you can meet up more often, however convenience allows...
When she realizes that you care, and that its not all about sex she will want you more...unless other things reveal themselves, which in time will happen if thats the problem.
Give her your love and attention...listen to her, she might have a lot of things going through her mind, or might just want to see initiative from you to show that you still love her.
2006-10-05 21:55:03 · answer #3 · answered by Patience 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a women myself, i'm sick and tired of men who lack confidence and always suspicious of their partners. If you treasure your marriage, it will be good to be more open in your relationship. Maybe your wife can feel your suspicions on her and this pissed her off. Perhaps she feels emotionally suffocated by your suspicions? You don't own a person just because you're married to that person, but rather you gain a partner. There must be trust, laughter and open communication in a relationship. Even though she might be tempted to have an affair, you can win her back by being a friend to her, not only a husband.
Have you ever heard of a person being lonely even though he or she is married. That's because, there's no communication, no sparks, no trust, no laughter. Sex, for most women, is not the first and foremost in a marriage. It will come only when the partners feels attracted to each other. Make yourself attractive, know her likes and dislikes, woo her back but never suffocate her with your jealosy and insecurity!!
2006-10-05 20:40:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gut instincts are often right. When spouses do and say things that just don't seem right there's often something there. You seem like a reasonable person who is not just being paranoid. Don't confront her on suspicion alone. Stay vigilant. The fact that she was engaged and left him for you should throw a major red flag up. Sometimes what goes around comes around. Don't be surprised if she's doing the same thing to you that she did to her ex-fiancee. Why would you trust and marry someone who was unfaithful to someone else with you? People don't change, hun.
2006-10-05 20:22:45 · answer #5 · answered by DawnDavenport 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I study this two times and that i've got some observations. First, you point out that she isn't assembly your needs and he or she is unquestionably-known with of this simply by fact it makes her afraid you will go away or cheat on her. i think of you're beginning as much as sense that issues are unlikely to alter together with her and it is not adequate for you. which you supply and he or she takes without giving decrease back. What i did no longer see is which you love her. You admire your marriage vows it extremely is reliable. Hun - it takes 2 people who're the two attracted to having a dating to make a marriage artwork. the two human beings could desire to be prepared to grant of themselves bodily, emotionally... and from what you have suggested neither of you have that occurring anymore. you in easy terms could desire to offer up feeding her a line of crap and start up being honest. If she can't be an essential area of your dating then you definately are accomplished. tell her precisely what you desire from this marriage. Spell it out for her - all of it. Then ask her if those are issues she would manage to stay with. If she would manage to't then that's over. it will be quicker or later besides so you might to boot make it quicker.
2016-12-13 03:06:04 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to communicate with your wife!! Nothing is ever going to get resolved unless the two of you can have some honest discussion about what is happening in your marriage. You admit that you "haven't talked" about any of this.Why not? Are you afraid of the answers? or rejection? Your marriage is way to young to give up with out a fight....if you love her and truly want this to work between the two of you. TALK TO HER and figure out if you really have something to worry about, then work on the issues together.
Good Luck!
2006-10-05 20:18:32 · answer #7 · answered by allheart 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What hits me right on is that you have a lack of commuication.
What you do it look her in the eye and ask why she uses the other email addy. Stop checking up on that. Shame on you for not giving her privacy.
The sex thing....JUST ask her. Seduce her. Make her frantic for you. Treat her like you did before the marriagae. Never stop seduction.
Make her have eyes only for you.
And try to get on the same schedual.
If she is cheating...why stay married?
2006-10-05 20:23:59 · answer #8 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ii could write a long essay on what you should do and how you should feel blah blah blah. The answer is simple although it may be difficult to do, confront her. Explain to her all the things you have been noticing and that your worried about your marriage. Dont straight out say "are you cheating on me". Ask if she is starting to loose interest in you. Work up to the big question. Be brave and good luck.
2006-10-05 20:17:10 · answer #9 · answered by Mr. Felix 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here is my advice: there is a way to find out everything she does online, then you will know. There is this software designed for parents to monitor their kids online but it works jsut find with any computer user. It runs silently and records every email sent, received, pages visited, all chat conversations, everything. Then, at a time you choose, it send all this info to your email so you can view it from any computer. Then, there will be no more questions: http://www.teensafetyonline.com
2006-10-07 20:25:07 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋