My ex wife and I got divorced 4 years ago. And we were only out of contact for the first couple of months after that we worked our way back to talking everyday sometimes twice a day. That is up until this last June, now we talk occasionally but it is rare. And everytime we talk she ends up pretty upset because there is so much emotion between us. She tells me she loves me and cares about me. But the reason we got the divorce was because I had a long term affair. She said tonight that when we got the divorce that a part of her died and a door closed. And in these last 4 years even though we have grown closer then we married she hasn't been able to open that door back up and thinks we are better off apart. And can't decide if being friends which hurts is less of a hurt then going our own way. She is seeing someone but still tells me how much she loves me. I don't push just want her to be happy, even if that is without me. I know what I feel and I can't stop loving her.
2006-10-05 17:32:26 · 13 answers · asked by tattooed_and_pierced_countryboy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It sounds strange to me that both of you still love each other and have no serious commitment yet with anybody but don't consider the idea of getting back to each other's arms for the second time around. Perhaps, both of you need some more time and breathing space apart from each other.
Well, that's a good idea at the moment. Both of you then will have a bigger chance to weigh things over and over again concerning your past relationship so that if ever you decide to live together again, you will have learned lessons from your past which you will not do again in the future for you to have a happier and more successful marriage.
You don't have to let go. As a matter of fact, you have to hang on with the hope and belief in your heart that if ever you really are meant for each other, Destiny will bring you back in her arms someday, somehow. If you are not, you will see yourself with another woman, the one you truly deserve and you also will see her with the right man for her.
Let time tell you what the future holds for the two of you. Meanwhile, keep in touch with her and don't stop from letting her know that you too still care a lot about her. All the best.
2006-10-05 17:47:17 · answer #1 · answered by Ruzzo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know what she means. You blew it. She loved you and she still loves you in a way like how you love parents or friends but she cannot love or trust you the way she did before. she is used to you and old habits are hard to break. she is now moving on with her life and you should back off and let her do it. You are the one that messed things up so it is time to take your medicine. Let her move on and have a good life and you should drift to the background do her the favor you did not do for her before and be considerate. Be there if she contacts you but cut down on your contact with her.
If you must ask once more if there might be a chance and if the answer is no, like I think it will be, then it is up to you to bow out gracefully.
2006-10-05 17:38:04 · answer #2 · answered by CindyLu 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes being friends with an ex is hard. Because feelings are still there. But if she is saying the door is close, if i was you i would not try to force that open. Because it just lead to more pain.
2006-10-05 18:01:40 · answer #3 · answered by the sweetest 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
here is my only question. HAVE YOU EVER SAID I'M SORRY FOR HURTING YOU AND BETRAYING YOU AND OUR VOWS. sometimes when we screw up and know it its very hard to do the right thing. the right thing however is either wait until she is ready or let her go even if you think your hurting her. obviously there was something missing for you to cheat. Have you ever discuss this with your ex maybe if you did the two of you could see where it went wrong because usually love isn't the problem. good luck wish u the best
2006-10-05 17:45:19 · answer #4 · answered by peachy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well she must have been doing something wrong, for you to have a long term affair, i think that she is still probably truly madly deeply in love with you, but she cant bring herself to trust you, and she probably blames herself for you cheating on her, that causes scaring when you get cheated on, especially for along time with the same person, i mean if it was a one night drunken stand, then i can see her or anyone getting over it, but long term means that something was lacking in the relationship, and now she blames herself, i think that you need to think of why you cheated in the first place, what went wrong on your end, and then tell her, and let her know that it was not her fault, even if you think or you do blame her, let her know that it was not her, it will make things easier,
2006-10-05 17:38:11 · answer #5 · answered by meme rules 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would move on also, it is a dead end road and it sounds like you are friends, maybe if she sees you with someone else she will realize she wants you, and by then maybe you won't want her, it could be a waste of many precious years of your life if you don't just move on, there are a lot of people out there I'd go find one.
2006-10-05 17:36:15 · answer #6 · answered by ladynamedjane 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Affairs are rough, but not impossible issues in marriage. Ask her if she will go to 5 marriage counseling sessions w/ you. Tell her you will pay for the sessions. After the time if she wants to phone you it will make your heart sing but you will not call her again.
I presume in this that you have remained celebate and have formally asked her forgiveness.
I commend you for wanting her happiness.
2006-10-05 17:45:47 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I find if you just distract them and get them to look away you can take a big swing and hit them right in the temple. This tends to immobilise them enough to tell them that you are divorcing them without them causing you too many problems.
2006-10-05 17:38:07 · answer #8 · answered by i_think_therefore_im_sam 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you all need a break first far away from one another. when you get back, you would know exactly if that's love both of you are feeling
2006-10-05 17:36:52 · answer #9 · answered by g 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love is like war:easy to begin but very hard to stop...!
2006-10-05 17:34:02 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋