In 2003 i was pregnant with our first baby i was only 19 and my husband and bestfriend/his bestfriends fiance , fooled around. Nothing major he promises. But I forgave him , but I missed my friend so now a couple years later i called her to see how she was. she did apologize after it happened. But after talking to her i am hurt again. I dont know what to do ? Am I just being stupid. I want to be her friend but im afraid that there will still be feelings between her and my husband. And it makes me all depressed . What should I do??
2006-10-05 17:23:13 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You can't be friends with someone unless you trust them. And your trust was violated in such a terrible way, your chosen intimate friend and confidant , betrayed you with YOUR HUSBAND, while you were in the most vulnerable state a woman can be in... pregnant with your first child,(his child) where you are already feeling insecure, and your hormones are making all your feelings more intense. It will be very difficult to look at these betrayals in the cold light of a couple years later and be able to say"im no longer angry, im no longer hurt, i accept what happened, and I can put it aside and forgive you and take you back into my lifeand my home, with an open heart and my full trust." And mean it. because if you don't MEAN it, rekindling your frindship will hurt you more than help you. Maybe you aren't meant to have her in your life again, maybe you will never be able to trust her again, after, once bitten twice shy. But that doesn't mean you can't forgive her, if only to have that peace in your life, the release of not holding a grudge.
In any case, don't feel like you have to rush into any decision. Just try to be as honest as you can, with yourself, and with your husband, and with your ex-friend. Don't convince yourself and/or them that you are okay with moving forward with re-kindling your friendship if you'rr not. You'll feel insecure and be suspicious and resentful, and lash out in a way that isn't fair, or good for any of your relationships, including yours with yourself.
2006-10-05 17:48:22 · answer #1 · answered by bodyworkbymabel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because you forgave your husband for what he did, you should also have forgiven your bestfriend that time. You said you still want her to be your friend despite what happened. Then, you also must grant her your forgiveness and when you do, forgive her and your husband with all your heart.
After forgiving her, put that cheating incident into oblivion and don't let it haunt you like a ghost forever. Sometimes, people commit mistakes and afterwards are truly sorry for having done so. If you believe that both of them were really sorry for what they did against you, both of them deserve your trust again. Let that trust be your shield from their weaknesses. I believe that when you give them back your trust, they will refrain themselves from doing the same thing again ever. All the best.
2006-10-05 17:34:21 · answer #2 · answered by Ruzzo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand that you are wanting to let things go and move forward,but the past issue still haunts you with doubt.This is just my opinion,and you should forgive them all if you are going to forgive one,but what i don't understand is "how can you treat yourself like this?" I mean don't you feel like you were wronged,because you were,and don't you feel like you deserve better and more out of life than what you are feeling and going threw?Once a mate,or husband cheats on you,it will happen again,and you bought a total lie from your husband on the concerns of nothing was major! Hon,I'm sorry,but if it wasn't with you,his wife,IT'S MAJOR! You and him took vows to be with only each other.For your sake,i truly hope you are happy and i hope this never does happen to you again,but i would have to really take a long hard study of things.I wish you only the best,and remember it wasn't just your best friend that did this act alone,so the decision to forgive is up to you,but again,we all are forgiven by the measurement that we forgive as well.Good Luck to you and your family!
2006-10-05 17:38:47 · answer #3 · answered by twjp1962 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To forgive your husband was a noble and adult answer - especially for the sake of your marriage and child. However - If you let this "friend" back into your life - no matter how much you miss the friendship - you are only inviting adultery into your home. ONCE A CHEATER - ALWAYS A CHEATER!!!!!!!!!!!! And that goes for your husband and "friend". DO NOT rejuvenate that friendship.
2006-10-05 17:30:33 · answer #4 · answered by FTBLCHIK 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time to let them both go; she wasn't really much of a friend if she cheated with your husband. Pregnant and 19 and he is cheating on you? ("nothing major" is like only a little pregnant). Keep your eyes open wide, more times than not he'll do it again.
Good luck.
2006-10-05 17:32:10 · answer #5 · answered by domers13 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it takes 2 not 1..and if she was a friend at all she would of never done that, and the so called best friend of your husbands is no friend to him either or he would of never went there...you cant for give one and not the other..there will always be the fact there that that happend between them 2, it will never go away cause it happend...the trust is destroyed now, you will never be able to trust them togather again..to me she isnt a friend to you or she would of never crossed that line...but she did. friends help each other not hurt one another. let it go, move on...
2006-10-05 17:39:11 · answer #6 · answered by countryrose24 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You handled the first step beautifully by forgivining. It has kept you from the acid of bitterness.
Your friend has two strikes - don't let her have a third. A man keeps some part of any woman he sleeps with in him. A good man like yours buries it. Don't let her dig it up again.
2006-10-05 17:28:41 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe you could try in little bity steps to forgive her....invite her to do something where it is you two and some other ladies together just experiment and try to, some people can never be trusted again and some just make mistakes and don't do it again, they learn from them....also do not be afraid to let her know you are struggling with this!
2006-10-05 17:28:41 · answer #8 · answered by ladynamedjane 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
forgive her! Work through those feelings and release them. Good luck to you. I know its not easy to forgive and heal but its a must. Maybe a counselor would be able to help? Take care
2006-10-05 17:27:22 · answer #9 · answered by Michelle : 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hellooo! Wakeup and smell the coffee. If she was really a freind she would not have cheated with your husband. And as far as he goes, if he cheated once he will cheat again.
2006-10-05 17:25:55 · answer #10 · answered by Val 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋