I have been married for four years, and have a great sex life. My husband agrees, but there is one problem. He loves porno and I simply hate it. He asks of me to be the perfect woman and cook and clean and I do. He is into church and wants me to be that perfect woman in the bible. So why cant he stop looking at porn. This is a bad thing to do? In the bible it says right? I have caught him lots of times and he only apologizes and says he loves me.
He has a myspace account and lists himself as single. He gets a lot of invites to view by cam online? Should I worry? He swears to me that he will never cheat on me. I am stressed and almost thinking of divorce. He knows it hurts me but he doesnt stop.
2006-10-05 17:09:00 · 26 answers · asked by tinkerbell 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
do you consider this cheating? I do, anything that has to do with looking, touching or even wanting someone Else's naked or clothed body for that matter is cheating....if you are up to it and you think you may be able to trust him again suggest counseling. and for goodness sake stop trying to be the perfect wife! No one is and no will ever be. He is a grown man he can make his own food or at the very least you two could split the house work and cooking. It sounds like he may be trying to use the bible or religion to get what he wants and ignores the fact that porn is a big no-no. He's selfish and needs to grow up.
Myspace is bad news, I have so far caught 24 guys cheating on their wives and girlfriends, it is a depressing job but these women need to know before anymore damage is done. I am always happy to help. I suggest to you a keylogger you can get a free version but most have 7 day trials, buying one can cost as little as $30 and he will never know it is on his computer. This logs all of his actions on the computer including emails, Instant messages, websites....everything, all in "stealth mode" Pretty handy program. You can get the free ones and trial versions at www.download.com "type "keylogger" into the search bar within the site. Good luck!
2006-10-05 17:20:58 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes darling, it's def. wrong. People are right though, porn can actually be an addiction, and an extremely hurtful one at that. For a woman it feels like a betrayal, and it damn well should because it's a form of being unfaithful. Then to list himself as single? Not a comforting thing. It starts with lust though. Someone suggested counseling from the pastor, which is a good idea. If he wants to continue in his ways, and you just can't handle that, maybe think of the divorce. A divorce is a hard thing but he's already betrayed his vows. Lusting after other women is basically adultery, and the bible doesn't speak against divorce when one has already broken the marriage vows. Pray hard, turn to God in all of this.
2006-10-05 17:20:31 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Boy, this is a tough one. Was your husband into watching porn before you were married? The way I see this situation is you have two separate issues with your husband. #1: he watches porn and you hate it when he does. #2: The myspace account/the lie about being single. I myself would be more concerned with what's going on with the myspace account....why is he saying he's single? AND you know deep down what those invites on webcam is all about!
You need to sit down with him and just ask him directly why he watches the porn and about the myspace account. Don't act angry, don't cry (yet), just tell him you need the truth. Stop worrying, it will take years off your life. You need to take care of yourself too. Once you get your honest answers from him, then decide where to go from there......you can't have a good marriage if there is any deception in it. He says he will never cheat on you? He already is, in his heart. So be calm, keep it together and know that whatever happens between you two, life is just too short to waste it in a marriage that isn't what you need or want it to be........good luck and bless you.....
2006-10-05 17:27:29 · answer #3 · answered by Pattycake2u 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I have been married to my wife for about 8 times the years you have. I admit that I look at porn. Being aware, that some women are bothered by their husbands viewing porn, I have on more than one occasion asked my wife if she is in any way troubled by my doing this, & she says NO!
I have also said to her that if she were to tell me that it was troubling for her that I would stop but again she says that it doesn't bother her.
In our marriage we don't keep secrets, from each other, & we don't keep our marriage a secret. I believe that this has a lot to do with trust. Both of us are secure enough in our relationship, that we trust each other to do the right thing.
I can think of no valid reason why I would list myself as single on a myspace account or anywhere else. I don't have a myspace account, & I don't chat on-line either. If I want to chat I can go to my wife, or family, not strangers. I am not exactly sure what an "invite to view by cam on-line" means, but I suspect that it is some sort of on-line sex session. I go to my wife for sex, & only my wife.
If I was doing something dishonest behind my wifes back, whether it's sex, or what, I would consider that CHEATING.
If my wife told me that something I was doing was hurting her, & it was reasonable for me to stop, then I would stop doing it.
You may be witnessing in your husband, the beginnings of a Sexual Addiction. As with any addict, you need to set clear boundaries, with clear & predictable consequences if the boundaries are violated. Then it's up to you to follow through with the consequences when the violation occurs.
2006-10-05 17:33:43 · answer #4 · answered by No More 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
No, I don't think it is ok to lie about watching porno... It is addictive and he can ask god to help him stop (if he wanted to). I don't believe you would find jesus watching porn... I find it disturbing that he is listing himself as single and has invites by cam. Personally, I think it is cheating on your spouse when you have sex chat. I would also worry about what he is viewing online as there are alot of sites (porn) to go to and lots of chat lines and lots of people who will have sex on the webcam. You can place a block on your websites that would block all porn sites and then have your husband explain to you why he needs access... Good luck.
2006-10-05 17:28:27 · answer #5 · answered by bc_grl68 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand where you are coming from...
There seems to be 3 seperate issues here and I have personally visited all of them:
1. The porn
2. My Space Profile
3. A lack of trust and respect
First the porn... my husband has a keen "curiousity" about porn and gets a kick out of it. He is a spiritual guy, I trust him immensely and I know he wouldn't EVER cheat on me, he feels ashamed of himself when he watches porn but he is drawn to it and found it almost addictive when he was bored to log onto websites (also for some reason he thought free porn was more acceptable than paying for it)... he was apologetic when I brought it up with him several times that it bothered me but he never really thought it was a big deal.
We finally had a discussion that made it really clear to him that I FELT "cheated on" when he went about it in a sneaky way and that so long as it bothered me he was crossing a line. We got down to the nitty gritty about it and ultimately I feel insecure about me so it bothers me when he gets up in the night and surfs the net for porn instead of looking to ME for affection. The test is whether or not he would do it in front of me and if the answer was yes, he probably wasn't crossing that line. It may sound odd but i don't feel threatened by him looking at porn if he is right in front of me, I feel threatened about him getting his thrills with porn when im not around.
Since that discussion he has realized how hurt I feel and has decided to stay away from it. It isn't the PORN thats the problem, its the boundaries I didn't feel he was respecting. He finally got what I was saying when I asked him how HE would feel if the shoe was on the other foot... or if I was gambling on the net and not wanting him to know about it. It was the SECRETS that was the real issue... if he is LYING there is definately an issue to be dealt with.
As for the MySpace profile... there is NO REASON for your husband to put false information that he is single out there unless its what he wants people to think. You SHOULD worry about that, he can swear he won't cheat on you all he wants but it isn't what he SAYS that matters if his ACTIONS don't seem trustworthy. You should trust your gut feeling on that sort of thing. If it doesn't seem right... IT ISN"T. I learned that the hard way with my ex boyfriend. If he isn't prepared to give you some answers that are OPEN & HONEST to explain this behaviour in a way that you feel comfortable, you should ask yourself why you are putting up with it.
Your husband isn't respecting your feelings and isn't acting in a manner that shows you he can be trusted. You are stressed to the point of considering divorce... obviously you have problems with trust and respect and obviously they need to be addressed or your marriage will be in trouble.
Above all else in a marriage there needs to be mutual trust and respect. Saying "I'm Sorry" but continuing to do what you feel like isn't acceptable and if you put up with it you will surely regret it... because 10 years from now you will have 14 years invested and it will only be HARDER to deal with it then.
Life is short and you don't have time to settle for a situation that doesn't make you happy. If you and your husband can't work it out, you should try councelling... but don't play the perfect housewife for him and let him ignore your feelings while he does as he pleases. A marriage is more than that.
2006-10-05 17:32:41 · answer #6 · answered by baxterstuds 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
"He has a myspace account and lists himself as single." - are you seriou?!?!
Listen, you should really do something. My advice, find out from fact, not from him what he does online. There is software designed for parents that silently tracks everything a person does online including all chats, messages, email, pages visited and sends you the information to your email so you can open it from another place. Like, he can be at home, and you at another computer, and the program will send you an email of everything he said in a chat! That's my recomendation. You have to know! http://www.teensafetyonline.com
2006-10-07 08:27:05 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Porn is exploitive of women - in the shows and in relationships. It is also, sadly, addictive. Your husband probably means what he says. This requires the two of you to face. Marriage counseling is start. Unplugging the computer for 3 months is anohter as is a password user account which you change daily.
It is crippling to a woman's ego. I'm sorry. It messes up a man's mind to be addicted. It is embarassing.
Thank you for loving him.
2006-10-05 18:13:34 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi - I'd say that the problem isn't that he likes porn. the problem is that he has a split personality. when someone is a church going, bible thumping, wants a perfect little wife kinda guy on one hand and a porn-a-holic on the other then there is a storm going on in his brain that needs to be taken care of before he blows up and does something crazy.
I'm not putting down porn and I'm not putting down his church going lifestyle. but there's trouble brewing here. get him some help.
2006-10-05 17:30:05 · answer #9 · answered by Alan 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Can you talk to someone at your church -- someone who's in a counseling capacity?
He's got an addiction and by not acknowledging that, or trying to
correct it, he's sinning. And he's a hypocrit.
At my church there's a Friday night meeting called Celebrate Recovery and it's for people trying to end a number of different addictions -- alcohol, drugs, sex, porn. Any addiction is a sin, and
your church should have some way of dealing with it and helping both you and your husband.
2006-10-05 17:14:25 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋