I have asked him back several times & he keeps telling me no. Why do I put myself through this?? It was a 22 yr. marriage. I left him because he popped pills & drank. I had to leave. Why can't I get him off my mind. I've made such a fool of myself by asking him back. HELP!!
2006-10-05 17:08:02 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Honey it's time to move on - it's hard no doubt especially after 22 yrs. of marriage. Are u afraid to be alone and is that the reason why u've asked him back? Hon there was a reason you left him in the first place and as corny as it sounds NOW you actually have a chance to be happy - so go for it. You can do it. Good Luck!
2006-10-05 17:14:58 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there, done that with the same situation....the person you keep wanting to fix this with is the man you first knew, but the drugs and alcohol have taken over and you might as well call it good and get on with your life; I know, its a lot of work and scary, but you can do it! Six months is still pretty raw after all that time together, so give yourself this time to heal, be quiet and rediscover that beautiful person that first went into the relationship.
Remember, baby steps and give yourself praise every step of the way for even the small accomplishments, that is the thing about these relationships, they are abusive in that things are said and done that wouldn't normally be and they stick to us like they are the truth when in fact they are just a way for them to control the situation.
You know, you'll wake one of these mornings and the sorrow will be a lighter and the day a little brighter; this is the beginning of the rest of your life and you are just the one who can do it!
You are going to like the person you uncover that has been hiding under all those tears for all those years.
I sincerely wish for you total complete success; that will be such a testimony to who is the stronger of the two and that would be you.
2006-10-06 00:19:00 · answer #2 · answered by OPTIMIST 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cannot erase 22 years of marriage in only 6 months. It can take over a year! It is possible that after leaving and divorcing your husband, you now only remember the great times you had and not the bad. The bad times are dimmed because you are not dealing with them head on each and every day like you used to. And just because you left because of substance abuse, doesn't mean you stopped loving him. Don't worry about expressing your feelings with him! I've been told by counsellors when I went through my divorce, that it takes about 1 year for people to grieve over the relationship and move on (some take more time, some less). Try to love yourself for who you are now.
2006-10-06 00:17:10 · answer #3 · answered by bc_grl68 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
6 months is not enough time to move on. You need to grieve out the loss of the marriage first. Don't try to put a time line on when you will be able to move through it. You have a lot to get past and he is on your mind because that is all you know and it was your comfort zone. Start trying to be a little selfish and think of yourself. Counseling is a good thing in your situation. They can put you on track to deal with everything and get the sunshine into your life.
2006-10-06 00:14:48 · answer #4 · answered by busybody12 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to sit down with yoruself and ask the very important question is it him you really love or the lonelisness your feeling now that he's gone and the thigns you use to share together. It could be that your lonely and your misunderstanding those feelings for love. after all you said you left cause he took pills and drank to much.
Also write down on a sheet of paper the things that bothered you and the things that mad you leave him in the first place.
And then the plus side of him.
I think once you get intouch with your true feelings you'll realize your more lonely than anything else.
Good luck.
2006-10-06 00:38:49 · answer #5 · answered by For ever in my Heart 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After 22 years, I guess you dont know how to begin. But I divorced a loser after 20, and I felt a load off my back. Girl you have e/thing ahead of you now. GO FOR IT, and let your X make someone else's life miserable! Spread your wings girl. Independence is wonderful! Stop living in the past, and grab on to the present!
2006-10-06 01:32:10 · answer #6 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find a local church and get involved with the singles scene there.
Or get on-line and meet guys that way.
You left him because you had to, so stick with that. It doesn't mean that you just forced yourself to stop loving him -- our hearts don't work that way. However, there are some things we can do in the meantime while our hearts heal -- and calling him and asking him back should not be one of those things. Keep busy -- specifically keep busy by meeting other guys and finding out what's out there.
2006-10-06 00:19:17 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, as you say, you're ending a 22 year relationship, so you need to give yourself a break, your heart is going to do things that your head is later going to get on to you about.
Be glad he said no, and don't ask again. I don't care how much you love him, he loves his addiction more, and he's only going to make your life worse. Pray for him, hope he gets sober, and then, maybe, there might be a chance for you 2 to get back together. But it's really up to him.
2006-10-06 00:12:59 · answer #8 · answered by You'll Never Outfox the Fox 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you're going through a REALLY hard time! Just turn the other way without looking back. Sounds like you did something good for yourself by leaving, now don't turn back on that decision. Let your yes be yes, and your no be no.
2006-10-06 00:23:45 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It feels like you are blocking your grief at the denial stage. You may want to check out a site or get counseling to move onto the next stages. What you have done is natural. Something died and you remain alive.
2006-10-06 01:16:19 · answer #10 · answered by Joe Cool 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋