we've been together for 2 yrs.he wanted to get married- we looked at rings for mos. he told me to choose one because he wanted to be engaged by Christmas. he told everyone about our plans & asked his best friends to stand up. 3 days ago he told me he doesnt know if he wants to go through w/ it; that he needs time to decide & doesnt know when he'll know. help me- please dont be mean.
2006-10-05 16:13:16 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Give him time, perhaps he is simply getting cold feet. In the process stay true to yourself, you can only wait so long. Perhaps you can just have a long engagement to give yourselves time to settle any fears or doubts. If time doesn't help then unfortunately the only thing you can do is walk away. I really hope all works out for you.
Best Wishes!!!
2006-10-05 16:15:43 · answer #1 · answered by poetic princess 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay, here goes. It's a good thing! Think long term. He respects you and is honest with you. That's worth a lot. You may think he doesn't love you. I doubt if that's the situation. If he's been that open with everyone else, this is also hard on him. I think he's shown a great deal of character and maturity.
My source: Personal experience. I felt it wasn't right. While standing at the alter I knew it wasn't right. Couple of years later, divorced. I wish I'd had the good sense to take a step back and reexamine the relationship.
Accept that he is not hurting you for sport. It's out of love and respect. No matter what, appreciate him for that. If nothing else, this event is a positive reflection on the quality of man you chose.
I wish you the very best!
2006-10-05 23:26:35 · answer #2 · answered by WILLIAM W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! Congratulations for getting this far. Having gone through this whole process myself about a year and a half ago... I can tell you there was a lot that I had to seriously consider. Part of what I had to consider was "Am I going to honestly be up to this and be the husband and man that I need to be? Do I love her enough to be able to do this one special thing this one time? Is she the one I am ready to give the rest of my years to?" These are some serious questions and they are probably best answered before you end up in a miserable marriage. The task is so daunting, and so huge. Any man (or woman) who is not scared to make a commitment this huge is either stupid or lying. What I would do is sit back and examine your own feelings on this. Talk to people on your own that you feel have had successful marriages. Have him come along and go to your church's marriage counseling. Also, talk to those who have had failed or unhappy marriages and ask them why they did not succeed.
There is still plenty of prep work to do, and the whole thing is to not lose the relationship in the chaos of the ideas of the wedding. The wedding and honeymoon is only the beginning. I knew my wife 4 years before I figured out what I wanted. We talked a LONG time and her dad grilled me for 3 hours at the point where I wanted to know if I had his support in getting married. I had to pry her best friend off the ceiling
The man is scared, and for good reason. He must love you if he wants to be sure that he is going to be who you need him to be... or who he feels he needs to be. This is something you both should have talked about, as silly as it sounds, there is no need to take for granted what you expect when you can lay expectations to rest and shoulder the fear together if you talk about what you want it to be and remind yourselves why you are considering to do this.
Why rush? You will have the rest of your lives to laugh about it later.
2006-10-05 23:38:10 · answer #3 · answered by Just another 2D character online 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This happens quite a bit. It's far more common than you think. When the wedding date is far away, it doesn't seem real. It's down the road and there are no worries. But as the day approaches, you tend to play things up in your head. You both get caught up in the drama of the planning and the expectations. It can be very overwhelming.
I think you should approach him and talk about this. You need to be calm, because he (sort of) isn't right now. Ease his mind. If he still has doubts, then you should think things through. Be calm and pragmatic, it will help you through this. Get the advice of family members. They can lend an ear and give advice and support. Best of luck.
2006-10-05 23:29:36 · answer #4 · answered by Bexcy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whoa, at least you are seeing the colors. I won't be mean but I will be frank with you. Your man has cold feet. This is not something that can be poo-pooed at either. Personally, while I would be hurting big time I would thank him for his frankness and honesty. Then I would inform all that we have postponed everything indefinately and I would tell them why - he needs time to decide if he can make a lifetime commitment to you. Then I would back way off. Please remember that you are special too. If this is not the guy you are meant to be with, then that special person is still out there looking for you. Take your time and do a little self evaluation during this time. Are you ready to be a married couple with a guy who after two years still does not know if he can commit to you (usually ending up as a statistic) or are you ready to step out and find that someone who is the ying to your yang? Take it easy, but don't take it personally. It's his problem not yours.
Good luck.
2006-10-05 23:26:01 · answer #5 · answered by snowelprd 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Truely that sucks and I know you must be heart broken. I think the best thing to do is say. Really, I have been thinking the same thing. I am so glad that you mentioned it first. Then he'll get scared and start wondering why you wouldn't want to marry him. Don't chase after him let him wonder about you. If it's not meant to be the next guy will ge better.
2006-10-05 23:17:55 · answer #6 · answered by what do you think? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he doesn't know then you shouldn't push him into it !! Why wold you want to marry someone who doesn't want to marry you? So just let him know that you will not push him into anything and that he has to decide for himself and that way he won't feel persured into marry you! Give him some time and he may be o.k. marriage is a big step in life and its not easy getting out of!!! Don't worry to much about it, if he loves you really he will change his mind and he will see what he wants. Be someone who is caring and understanding and if he doesn't change his mind then it is his loss not yours!! But don't wait forever!! let him know were you stand and what you are going to do about it later on if he keeps putting you off though! You should have a time limit cause you can't put your life on hold for no one!! know what i mean?? So give him some time, how much time you wanna give him? But he needs to know that you can't wait for ever on him if you are wanting to get marreid and have a family someday!! Good luck to you, it will work out for you !!
2006-10-05 23:29:32 · answer #7 · answered by sports_runner_racing 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's getting groom nerves just like women get bridal nerves. Just let him sort out his thoughts for a week or 2 then start to talk with him again.
Just say to him that the 2 of you will take time to relax and then by the end of that time you and him can talk about the plans.
2006-10-05 23:18:05 · answer #8 · answered by LVieau 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he said he needs time, then give him that option. it might hurt your feelings but take comfort. He is just being honest. Look at the brighter side of your problem. There is a saying, if you love someone, then let him go, if he comes back then he is just for you. But if he didn't.perhaps you weren't meant for each other. In the meantime, don't expect too much from your relationship. Don't commit your life to someone who is unsure of his feelings. Go and find friends. Maybe someone out there is waiting for you, Who knows? Don't get frustrated. Charge it to experience.
2006-10-05 23:31:14 · answer #9 · answered by dtmc542006 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if he is rethinking it ,its best you dont get married right away.It would be a shame to marry and then he has second thoughts.If you still love one another you will still be in love after all the thinking.It could be that he has the wedding jitters they will go away and its for another reason even though it will hurt its best to know it now. Good Luck
2006-10-05 23:18:20 · answer #10 · answered by luckiestarrr 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋