my boyfriend and i have been talking marriage for some time. i have not lived with anyone longer than a month. he has had a partner who he lived with for about 5years before they split up. so he has had more experience than i have sharing a place with someone.wondering if we should go for pre-marriage counselling so we know exactly what we are both letting ourselves into. any ideas?
2006-10-05 14:48:28 · 24 answers · asked by naa 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes, it is. I did it with someone who I was engaged to, and the process made us both think about issues that we hadn't talked about before. We wound up not getting married, and I'm happily married to someone else (six years coming up and going strong).
You'll talk about more than living together; you'll cover things like children, finances, priorities, etc. Going to counseling wasn't what stopped me from getting married, it just brought up issues that I knew we had but didn't want to address. The marriage would have been a disaster.
I encourage couples thinking about marriage to consider it seriously.
2006-10-05 15:01:47 · answer #1 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and he need to decide what is best for the both of you. TALK. I think pre-marriage counseling can help but I don't think it is absolutely necessary. There are thousands of couples who have been through pre-marriage counseling, yet the divorce rate is still high. The only reason why some churches demand it is because people these days act like they don't know how to get to know someone truly and deeply before jumping into marriage. Getting to know a person means talking to them and listening to them and watching them. Do their actions back up their words? Does he believe in never walking away or going to bed angry? Is he sloppy, clean or in between? Does he treat you how you want to be treated? Would you be settling? Do you both agree on how many kids to have and how to raise them? Is he into Jesus & church? What role does he think you should play and are you fine with it? Will he play the part that you would expect a husband to (no cheating!!!, listener, provider ...)? If you were to gain some weight (which usually a woman does during pregnancy and maintains for a little while after), would he still want you? Is he controling? Is he fair (meaning does he want you to play by one set of rules but he makes up his own different set for himself)?Pretend that there is no such thing as divorce (in other words--take it extremely seriously), and ask yourself Can you live with this person--with ALL their good and bad qualities/characteristics... forever?
2006-10-05 15:31:32 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's good if you have a good counselor. It helps to know all the garbage and drama you may bring into the marriage and you can leave it at the door. It also gives you a better insight into that person and vice-versa. My husband and I did it before we got married and 7+ years later we are still newlyweds and can talk about ANYTHING. He is my BEST friend.
I think it's wonderful that you care enough about yourself and the other person to take the time to resolve your issues before you get married, find out your not compatible and then get divorce like sooo many people do now a days.
Good luck!
2006-10-05 15:00:00 · answer #3 · answered by #1 auntie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I believe in it... wish more couples would go thru it.. and a lot of Gods houses, churches, now insist on it before the pastor will perform the wedding... there are a lot of issues to talk about before marriage .. such as kids, money, in-laws, etc... even when living together there are issues of about the same calibur to talk about... socks on the floor, which side of the bed is urs, cats or dogs, these may seem small now, but they can create peoblems and pile up on other more serious problems down the road... God bless
2006-10-05 14:53:03 · answer #4 · answered by Annie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
pre-marital counseling is basically a gathering with the two a expert marital counselor or a minister. they only get you to respond to questions approximately what you're able to do specially circumstances. they'll ask you to describe your courting now and what you xpect from one yet another in the marriage. they could make up some issues for you 2 to play out. Then they could separate you and interview you one after the different. they permit you to comprehend in private aif you gave them any incorrect solutions and recommend a thank you to maximum remarkable your ideas. they could additionally ask each and every of you in private approximately previous relationships. How your friends family individuals and fogeys experience approximately you being married and etc this could all be performed in one assembly or they could time table it in greater. expert counselors frequently fee for their centers . in case you attend church or have buddies or family individuals who comprehend a pastor they frequently do the counseling for loose
2016-10-18 21:44:13 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2015-01-28 12:34:49 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you ask this question maybe you want to go to get the living thing out in the open It won't hurt and can make you more open with each other.
The relationship is all about conversation with each other how smart to start off on the right foot
Good Luck
2006-10-05 14:53:00 · answer #7 · answered by aaricka 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Of course premarital counseling has the potential to be helpful. Getting married and being committed to another person is not a talent with which we were born.
The success and value will depend on the competency of the counselor and your willingness to be honest and to put into practice the principles offered. "Love" is multi-dimensional, and (unfortunately) by choosing to live together you are stifling the development of love's discipline and commitment by stoking love's passion. Good luck.
2006-10-05 14:59:33 · answer #8 · answered by pilgrimchd 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like a good idea...better than the counseling we got from my pastor that said we weren't compatible...hmmm haven't seen him since the wedding and we've made it almost 17 yrs...
Don't let past experience or lack of it cloud your decision to marry the past is exactly that..the past. Best of luck.
2006-10-05 14:55:43 · answer #9 · answered by Barbiq 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes=counseling is your only way of getting him to see that he is going to manipulate thing but that's not bad if it isn't used as a weapon of choice.
yes=you will asses his behavior to the addressing of things that are in the pot
no=thing will from now on be abig mess cause somebody stuck there nose in his business and he is always going to be fighting his way out of the corner against the two of you. it's the old mother in law story, and there all old stories, so you could make up your own and date him long enough to get allot on the table that you have desires to be with out counseling
2006-10-05 15:02:33 · answer #10 · answered by bev 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋