Married the wrong guy?

Question

I think I married the wrong guy... We dated for 1 year and then got married. He was perfect at first. He was so sweet. He was caring. passionate. We made love frequently. However now after 7 months of being married, its like hes not the same guy anymore. Hes mean and rude to me. On top of that he never spends time with me. All he does is wake up, go to school, and chill with his friends the rest of the day and come home at 2am or 4am. We rarely have sex anymore and he never spends time with me. Like I dont think hes cheating. Ive tried talking to him and all he does is make excuses... I dont want to leave him bcuz im still madly in love with him and i want our marriage to work. is there anything i can do to try to fix our marriage?

Answer 1

If he doesn't want to work on improving things then there is nothing you can do.

Answer 2

Ok, here is what I have to say. I met a man...we dated 4 months. We got married. I was 4 months pregnant and engaged to my childs father. ( however things were over between us in my mind....I couldn't stay with someone I didn't love, for the child, it wouldn't work and the child would wind up with short end of the stick )
Now, I have been married 2 yrs. I think I married the "wrong" man as well. I didn't take enough time to get to know him, and made a rash decision very quickly. What I have had to do is remember what made me fall in love with him in the 1st place, and work like hell. Love, and marriage does not come easy, it takes a lot of work. You have to do it even on the days you don't feel like it. Through the tears, and fights, being ignored, and left alone ect....One of the biggest reasons I have stayed married is because I meant the vows I took before God and my friends and family. Most of all God. Divorce isn't something he takes lightly, and there is only one instance named in the Bible where it is acceptable. That is infidelity, and it is only when the person having been cheated on cannot find it in their hearts to forgive. And the Bible commands you to forgive. Biblically divorce was put there for "cowards" ------These are just my beliefs and almost word for word from The Book. So if you are Christian I advise you to pray about it and God will help you through it.
If not, you need to have a sit down with him, and ask him if he is willing to put in the sort of work that I have even though he really doesn't want to be with you, or wasn't ready for marriage, or would rather be doing other things instead of contributing to your marriage, whatever his reason is. If he isn't willing to put in the work, then as sad, and as hard as it may be, bring up the D word. You don't deserve to be treated like that and he needs a reality check. There are plenty of other men better suited for you. And If you do happen to split up with him, not only will I be praying for you but I would also suggest you take A LOT more time to get to know someone before entering marriage.
Also, get on bc if you aren't already, having a child with someone you are not married to is not an easy thing either and has its own set of heartaches.

Answer 3

It sounds like the two of you are still very young (but I'm not sure). usually young men are going through changes in their lives, so they are unfortunatly unfit for marraige. It sounds like he's getting too used to you now, which means you should've waited a little while longer before you gave your heart and soul to him. especially if your in school.
If it's just him that is going to school at the moment, you might want to rethink your companionship with him and maybe separate, because school for him only means more friends, parties and more intellegent women to choose from. (i'm not saying that your unintellegent) but if your in school as well, you might meet a better guy that will be better suited for marraige after the two of you graduate.
If you really want to keep the marraige together, then just talk to him. sit him down and tell him that your not easy. a lot of younger men need disipline, just like children and since your his wife, let him know that you have needs too, OR ELSE. let him believe that he CAN loose you if the situation calls for it.
That is the number one reason why most guys get tired of / change or mistreat their girlfriends and wives is because he's taking you for granted now. let him know that you dont play that, but it would've been easier if you would have done this before the marraige.
Remeber that you have the right to go out with friends as well and when you do, look super sexy, attractive, go to M. A. C and get your make-up done and go out and party. Have fun and take care of yourself. Even try to look sexy around the house for no reason and if he gets turned on by it, DO NOT give it to him, don't let him have his way all the time, don't always let yourself be available to him. Teach him a lesson, be flirty and outgoing. The works!

don't be afraid to leave him and say goodbye. Don't think about his feelings, think about YOURS! obviously he's not thinking much about you if he's letting you down.
Dont be afraid to give yourself something BETTER! and most importantly, do not be afraid to be selfish.
hope this helps!

Answer 4

First of all, noone is perfect. If people think that, they are living in a "fantasy". The thing is, men and women tend to "put their best foot forward" then when the newness of marriage gets "broken in", some tend to start taking the other spouse for granted and face it, once you live with someone, sooner or later they let their "guard" down and in time you are living with the real person. I'd tell your guy you don't like how he treats you, and suggest marriage counseling, ok? You can't FORCE a partner to make a marriage work, so if he is willing to go with you and work things out, you do have a good start and a good thing going!
Let me say this, if your husband doesn't want counseling and still makes excuses , etc., you owe it to yourself to go it alone! Sorry, but why beat yourself being in love with someone who won't return it, nor agree to work things out?
It's better to know now so that you can start healing. It doesn't do any good to obsess, either, BUT, first tell him how you feel, then go from there! Best wishes!

Answer 5

Looks like he took that "for better, for worse" part and stuck you with "worst".

Maybe he figures now that you are both married, he days of "dating" are over. He no longer feels the need to romance you because he already got you. Now he lets other things move to the forefront of his life because he feels he has time for those things now. He probably feels that he missed out on spending more time on other things due to the time he spent moving into marriage with you.

My brother was a guy like that. His wife threaten to leave, and made the plans to go. After realizing she was serious, he made more of an effort in the marriage. That was nearly 7 years ago, and a toddler later. See if your husband is ready to gamble away his wife over something he can change.

Answer 6

Try talking to him about your relationship and how you feel not having much time with him. Tell him you miss him when he's gone because there isn't enough quality time together. Ask him if you could go with him sometimes and see what he says to that one.
No man is going to stay out that late if he truly loves his wife. I'm sorry but excuses don't cut it with me. I've been through so much myself.
If all your talks don't work no matter how much it hurts I think you should leave and eventually meet someone who truly loves you for you.Also one who wants to really spend the rest of his life with you.
Think of your relationship seriously because if he has done a turn around you need to be careful.Good luck

Answer 7

Yeah, there's something you can do, get a life! Be so busy taking care of yourself and looking good that he begins to wonder what you're up too. Don't sit around thinking about him and wondering what he's doing. He's bored with your relationship.
So what you need is to do things for you, things you like, that make you happy without him. Don't give in to depression, start eating alot, gaining weight, dressing sloppy, and not taking care of yourself. Make taking care of yourself a priority. When he sees that some other guy might be willing to jump in there and pick up his slack, he will start being reluctant to let you out of his sight! I know this works. Been there, done that.

Answer 8

Go to counseling. If you both want to fix what is wrong you need to talk about it without accusing the other of wrong doing. It takes two to make things work, and it is WORK! Don't however, just sit back and take being bullied,hit, or abused in anyway. Nobody is worth that.

Answer 9

Theres probably nothing you can do to change yourself... he has to WANT to be married.

It doesnt sound like he does.
Are you sure hes not cheating?

He probably thought marriage would be alot different. Try marriage conseling. If he wont go, he probably doesnt want to work on the relationship. Im praying for you

Answer 10

GIRL,LISTEN TO THAT LITTLE VOICE IN YOUR HEAD,EVEN THOUGH IS NOT WANT TO HEAR,I BET IS SAYING GET THE HELL UP OUT OF THAT MARRIAGE OR YOU ARE GOING TO REGRET IT FOR EVER.. THINK ABOUT THIS YOU ONLY HAVE BEING MARRIED FOR SEVEN MONTHS AND YOU ARE ALREADY MISARABLE.. IMAGINE A FEW YEARS FROM NOW,GIVE HIM A CHOICE OR EITHER HE STRAIGHTEN HIS SELF OR GOOD THE HELL BYE.. DONT SETTLE FOR LESS THAT WHAT YOU DESERVE.. DONT TRY TO KEEP A MAN WHO DOESNT WANT TO BE KEPT THAT IS WHY WE CAME UP WITH A LITTLE SOMETHING CALLED DIVORCE.. DONT BE AFRAID SAY IT D-I-V-O-R-C-E IT MEANS YOU GET TO START NEW A WAY TO GIVE YOUR SELF A REAL CHANCE TO BE HAPPY.. YOU KNOW IS THE RIGHT THING TO DO. JUST DO IT FOR YOUR SELF HANG ON TO YOUR DIGNITY DONT LET HIM TOY WITH YOUR FELLINGS.GOOD LUCK.

Answer 11

Lay down the law with him. A good serious talking. Dont have any kids till you get this worked out! He sounds kind of young