How can some people hurt/abuse children?

Question

My friend Richard was abused from 5 until a late age but still he forgave his step father who also beat his real mum. He beat her nearly unconscious on Christmas eve 1998, she died (from cancer) in Richard's arms that night, he was 14. He still managed to forgive his step father, but why do people abuse kids, I don't understand?

SERIOUS ANSWERS PLEASE!

Answer 1

Hi-
You know I am sure someone would pay good money to know the ultimate answer to that question.
All I know is that there is a line. It's the line of anger or frustration that normal people realize that it's time to take a "time out" and get away from it, before something bad happens.
An example of that, would be a crying baby. I know with my children, there were times I became so incredibly frustrated with the crying, that I needed to set them in the crib for a few minutes and step outside for a breath of air- otherwise, I would have thrown them out the window.
Some people, for whatever reason, (mental problems, drug, alcohol, family history) don't know how to step back from that line and cross over it, into the crazy place.
I'm sorry to hear about your friend - but am glad he has a sense of peace in his life now, that he didn't have before.

Answer 2

Some people harm children because they have mental problems.
But when the person doing the harming is that childs "Dad" or"Mum" how do you minimise the damage, putting up with the abuse may be better than losing the parent.
However when others abuse children, I would suggest they are treated with compassion and their heads are carefully wedged comfortably into the angle between the road and the Kerb and they are kicked carefully and with much love and compassion, in the head by a fully accredited and qualified head kicker using bovver boots with steel toe caps meeting EU regulations until the shattered skull becomes an unrecognisable pulp and they die. In the name od compassion kicking should continue until the head fully seperates from the rest of the body to ensure the offender has mericfully been put out of what ever misery caused them to offend

Answer 3

Sadly most abusers have been abused as children themselves, and perpetuate the abuse cycle. They are certainly not "innocent" victims themselves since they have a choice in their behaviour, but they are strongly influenced by their own early childhood experiences of abuse. Most people think abuse is something that "goes away" after time, but it keep recurring in the lives of the survivors and they often need counselling many times during their lives. Who really knows why? I think it is more important to know what to DO about it, how to prevent it, and how to support victims of abuse than to wonder about something we may never know. Some children are also more resilient than others. SOme cope much better with abuse than others. Our best "defence" is to make sure everyone is informed, and to get involved in efforts to prevent and deal with abuse.

Answer 4

Often it is through an inability to see as others do, and / or to understand ones own actions and how they affect (in reality)others ~ and their potential consequences..

I think this behaviour has is roots in a 'Lack of love' in their earlier lives and as such (can) create ~

: a lack of self worth / esteem and the power that comes with it

: a level of jealousy (their other half seemingly has a relationship it doesn't have)

: fear of ones inadequacies

: fear of failure and of being seen to be so

: isolation in those fears

: an inability to recognise the truths there in front of one

: the inability to express and articulate one feelings - and

: the lack of having someone whom one can be honest with (without further fears from 'giving up the truth').....

There maybe many more 'reasons' for this kind of behaviour, though I suspect they are the main ones, whilst the contributing levels of each of these can vary quite strikingly - and effect each other in various way.

I hope this provides some useful pointers.
Good luck to you and your friend.
Sash.

Answer 5

I dont know why it seems that a history of abuse tends to lead to an abuser. I suppose it depends to what degree the abuse is carried and if there is any remorse shown as to what we should do about an individual committing this kind of crime. We should certainly try not to have them in a situation where they can continue abusing. Other than that it is very hard to know how to deal with them.

Answer 6

Hi Tunis.
I work with abused children. Your friend probably hates his stepfather, however he is more than likely clinging to him because of his memories of his mother and has nowhere or no one else to turn to.Just be there to support him.I understand how you are feeling. At times it gets very frustrating for me because like you I cant understand what motivates an adult to hurt a child or another human being.It appears to me that this incident has had a significant impact on you yourself. There are people with whom you can talk to and it may be a good idea to introduce your friend at the right time. It seems to me that you have ," in all good faith as a friend, a good friend have had a burden placed upon you.My honest and sincere advice Tunis is seek help and advice. There are lots of different agencies who you can talk to and they are confidential. Please talk to someone.You will not fall on deaf ears.

Answer 7

i bypass ape **** as quickly as I see the those issues on the information. If my baby have been ever touched/abused/etc. with the aid of yet another grownup, i wish the jury takes pity on me, however the existence sentence would be properly worth it. Months till now my daughters delivery i planned out the significant factors of the torture i opt to place those human beings with the aid of. and that i'm no longer professional-torture, i'm professional punishment. and that i wish i had the prospect to get ahold of the human beings in touch in crimes against different babies. i'm a company believer that if those people who harm babies make it to court docket, the mum and dad are not doing their job.

Answer 8

I have wondered that myself. I think that for many of them, they can not control their temper. Your friend Richard must be a strong person because that is a whole lot on his plate.

Answer 9

They are ill and dont knwo the difference between right and wrong, its the same with murderers and rapists and such like theres a message in the brain that tells us that something is wrong and these people dont have it. or they do they just ignore it.
seems so simple but its so life destroying.

Answer 10

I don't understand either, you would need to ask a child abuser as, I think, they are the only ones who could truly explain how they do this!