"Be Yourself" - A Bunch Of Crap?

Question

Everytime someone asks a question regarding how to get acceptance from people, be it friends, dates, employers, etc, it seems like the automatic response is for everyone to spit out "Be Yourself!!" I've followed that advice all my life, I've never actually tried to change myself, but I have no friends, never had a boyfriend and everyone around me seems to get annoyed at me and people avoid me. So I'm being myself, and it's scaring everyone off. It's been like this my whole life (even during early childhood) and I go to school in a very large city in HUGE schools. So, should I NOT be myself?
BTW, this happens with both paid jobs and even volunteer jobs! It happens with EVERYBODY, even strangers. I just seem to, I don't know, make people roll their eyes and walk away.

Answer 1

No this advice is NOT A BUNCH OF CRAP.

But it is not a magic feather that will suddenly allow you to fly either. Be Yourself is always the first step. Until you have this down you are acting, playing a part (be it badass or angel) or into social games.

Once you know that you are just being you, the next step is to find out WHO YOU ARE. Pay attention to what you do and how you do it. Are you a Shrinking Violet or an Intergalactic Empress? Do you express the emotions of an Ice Queen or Drama Queen? Do you give everyone the Silent Treatment or never allow anyone to get in a word edgewise? Do you like yourself or cannot tolerate your own company?

If you like who you are and are satisfied with what you find, then learn that nobody else's opinion matters. Learn how to deal with their "rolling eyes" with your own "wicked grin."

If you find areas where you truthfully want to improve your social interactions, then do so. If you find some trait which seems to drive everyone away and you do not like it either, then find out how to change your behavior. Do others have the same or similar problem? Perhaps find a group. Do not be afraid to get professional help if you need it.

Take responsibility for who you are and the choices you make. You are not a victim.

Just for the record, so you understand where I am coming from: I also have always been myself. People usually have a very hard time dealing with me for very long. I did find that my problems seemed to be the result of miscommunication more than personality problems. I am learning to communicate better, but still have a tendancy to speak my mind and piss off people who do not like to hear my version of reality. So be it. I can live with this.

Answer 2

In stead of being just yourself maybe you need to look inside yourself to see what you like or dislike about you. If you come up with things you dislike about yourself then that is what others are seeing. Some people know everything or has a story for every conversion. That is a big turn off to most of us, if you act stupid or over intelligent that is also a turn off. So think about what you do when you are around other people. Sometimes it is good to be someone else, do not copy someone elses style. Creat your own style the new you see if this works and good luck

Answer 3

"Be yourself" is a bunch of crap. Your right. The key isto try and become a person people like without compromising your beliefs and personality. Obviously, if you have no friends you are doing something wrong. Its hard to say what, but you probably need bettter people skills. Try following other peoples leads and play into how they are in the beginning. You need to adapt to others. Everyone does it every day. People act differently with their boss at work than they do at a bar with their friends. To meet people and make friends, you need to make them feel comfortable with you at first. Hold back a little bit.

Answer 4

Yes, you should be yourself, but it seems that it's the way you talk to people. GET SOME COUNSELLING. tell the counselor in detail what makes people go away and ask them to be very honest about why they think this happens. Getting along with people isn't being fake. You may have some behaviors, attitudes, or ways of interacting with people that you got from your family and don't even realize...

Answer 5

From time to time you should diverge from that rule. On the large part though you are who you admire most. I admire teachers and authors with whom I am familiar, so I shape myself in the form of an English teacher. It's all a matter of finding someone else who shapes into the person you admire and cherish most. Unfortunately it's difficult to find people like that. So you need to hone in on what you enjoy doing and associate with people who do that too. It can wield some quite exceptional results!

Answer 6

The question for yourself is [and this will be difficult to stay with until you answer it] what do I get out of offending people?

Write this question to yourself on a piece of paper, and then begin jotting down answers until you get the correct one... it may take quite some time, but the answer is within you... and it sounds like you need to find it.

Peace

Answer 7

Building Personal Relationships
* Never criticize, condemn or complain.
o Self-criticism is extremely rare. Your criticism won’t be welcome.
o Criticism makes others defensive and resentful.
o Positive Reinforcement works better.

* Become genuinely interested in other people.
o People are most interested in themselves.
o Remember people’s birthdays and other important details.

* Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
o Find the interests of others and talk about those things.
o If you know nothing of their interests, ask intelligent questions.

* Be a good listener.
o Give your exclusive attention to others.
o Urge others to talk about themselves. Ask pointed questions.

* Make the other person feel important.
o People yearn to feel important and appreciated.
o Praise others’ strengths and they’ll strive to reinforce your opinion.

* Use Names whenever possible.

* Smile.
o Greet others with smiles and enthusiasm.
o Smiling comes through even over the phone.

Answer 8

try to see it from their point-of-view instead...
being yourself won't work for everybody, but make people comfortable by speaking in a low, calm tone. smile often and use peoples name. pretty soon, that may become the way you operate and it will be 'being yourself'
being yourself is not always right, ie: do you want to meet an axe murderer who wants to be himself?
try not doing things to people. hold your beliefs strong and do not waiver, but do not become an obstacle. focus on what you want to achieve and do things/say things/look, act and dress in a way that help you achieve those goals.

Answer 9

I agree with you! the "be yourself" philosophy doesn't work if you're introverted.. when I'm "being myself", I just end up sitting there not talking to anyone because I'm just an introverted person.. so I have to fake it and act like I'm enjoying talking to people.. people who say "be yourself" are assuming that you have a natural ability to get along well with people..

Answer 10

MAYBE EVERYONE NEVER KNEW YOU WERE THE REAR OF A HORSE WHEN THEY TELL YOU TO BE YOURSELF. NO I'M GOING TO TELL YOU TO GET A GOOD PERSONALITY LEARN TO CONVERSE WITH PEOPLE AND THEN BE YOURSELF. HOW DO YOU GET A GOOD PERSONALITY??? JUST PICK SOME ONE THAT HAS ONE ANMD DO AS THEY DO BUT USE SOME COMON SENSE WHEN YOU DO THIS.