I had been with the father of my kids for 10yrs and i left him because there was some domestic violence and drugs involved. I finally took the courage to leave him but why is it that i dont miss him or have feelings for him. He has hopes that we'll make things work out and be a family someday but im not interested one bit in doing so. Im trying to be self sufficient and financially independent,something i dont know about. Is it wrong to not miss him and wanting to get back together. Im i the one who gave up on us or what?
2006-10-05 13:05:58 · 19 answers · asked by melissa 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sweetie, please don't look back. My best friend left her husband after 10 years too. There were domestic violence issues too. They have two kids between them. He made her life so miserable during the divorce and it took two years for her to get it. He broke her spirit so much. She was so scared of every little thing because of him. If you paid her a compliment, she didn't know how to take it.
They have been divorced for five years now and he has tried to drag her to court so many times to gain custody of their children (Just to hurt her). She has beaten him in court everytime. She has been able to move on and is married to a real man. He is so supportive of everything she does. I am so happy that it turned out well for her.
This guy hurt you so bad. It is time to put your relationship in the rear view mirror and move on. Sure, I'm sure both of you will be able to have some good memories, how could you not after all of the years you shared? But don't mistake those few good memories with undying love.
I am not a believer that there is only one suitable person for each one of us. I believe that there are many possibilities of compatibility out there. Cookie, it's time to ditch this crumb once and for all.
Good luck and take care,
2006-10-05 13:20:46 · answer #1 · answered by HSK's mama 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For starters, I am glad that you got yourslef out a bad situation. As for not having any feelings, it happens and you don't have to miss or not miss him. You own your feelings, no one else and you don't have to explain yourself to anyone. I would never go back to a situation were the word violence comes into play. You are so much better off. As for the ten years together, that probably leaves you about another 50 or so to go. That is a long time left to find a new love that treats you the way a woman should be treated. Girl your life is just starting. Good luck!
2006-10-05 20:20:45 · answer #2 · answered by Simply Lovely 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can move on definitely, first you were able to leave him, second you don't miss him anymore. Domestic violence is a serious matter. you just don't let anybody hurt you, especially the father of your kids coz this has effect in your children. So, you did great! don't believe he will change, those kind of people will do it again and again, 10 yrs is too much, if he will change, he should have done this a long time ago.
2006-10-05 20:46:57 · answer #3 · answered by odel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hell have no fury like a woman scorned. I was the same way with my first boyfriend. I had invested 7 years to him all to know that he was cheating on me and other things. You get to the point where you just can't care anymore because you have had enough. You need to move on, really you are at a good point. Take advantage of the situation by moving on to bigger and better! Find the special someone who won't treat you like him and once you find him you will thank yourself for getting out and not caring! Good Luck! You are doing the right thing by leaving. You need to protect yourself and the children. They really are the innocent ones and have been subjected to too much already!
2006-10-05 20:11:19 · answer #4 · answered by natmys333 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not wrong at all. You were being abused. You saved yourself and your children from a terrible life. You are right to feel liberated and going out on your own. You should be applauded. Many women don't feel strong enough about themselves to do what you did. I divorced my husb. after 14 years and had a 13 yr old. We just went our seperate ways, he wasn't abusive at all though. It is hard to strike out on your own but it can be done. I would not go back to him for anything. He will not change whatever he says. You did the right thing and you just don't miss that life. You want to go forward and have a better life for you and your kids. I'm proud of you.
2006-10-05 20:46:36 · answer #5 · answered by lazycat 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, it's not wrong at all to not miss him. You obviously were pushed to the brink, so in your heart, there was no turning back. Congratulations on your independence! It's the best thing that could have happened to you. You need to find yourself. Really find who you are. You're heading in the right direction. Keep it up! Sounds like you've lost all trust and hope in him. If he wants you back, he'll have to prove to you that he has changed. If it's not already too late. Best of Luck.
2006-10-05 21:00:42 · answer #6 · answered by seeya 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If there were drugs and violence involved it is perfectly normal not to miss it. My ex and I were together 17 years and very unhappy together, it was a relief to both of us when we stopped kidding ourselves and made the break, our kids are well adjusted and we are great friends now I dont think anyone can blame you for giving up in that stiuation.
2006-10-05 20:20:18 · answer #7 · answered by snoop_dougie_doug04 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You stayed past the time when your feelings died.
It's wrong to beat yourself up over this. You've done the right thing for you and your children and you'll all be better for it.
He still hopes things will work out because he doesn't see how messed up his life is. This may also be the best thing to happen to him.
You will always be connected because of the children but as a couple it's over.....good luck to you.
2006-10-05 20:10:22 · answer #8 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't miss him because you don't miss the domestic violence. Keep your resolve - many women go back and are beaten even worse than before. Domestic violence has a cycle - one of which is the "honeymoon" phase - where he will do whatever you want, feel bad, take responsibility - and it eventually changes.
Stay safe
2006-10-05 20:08:49 · answer #9 · answered by Been there 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There comes a point in an abusive relationship..where it just doesn't hurt anymore...whether it's mental, physical or sexual abuse! It just stops hurting...You've cried all you're going to~you've worried about him/her for the last time...Your sleepless nights are done...YOU JUST STOP HURTING!!! PERIOD!!
It's okay NOT to feel that way...It took me a really long time to leave an abusive husband...and I never realized HOW much abuse I had been taking all those years...UNTIL I met someone who showed me LOVE DOES NOT hurt...LOVE DOESN'T spit in your face or call you names, or punch you or put a gun to your head...It took me a really long time to get to where thinking about it NO LONGER gives me nightmares!! I'm with a VERY loving man...we've been together more than 5 yrs and I thank GOD every day that he created him for me!!! You will find the right one for you...maybe not tomorrow..but he's out there waiting to love you back!!!
2006-10-05 20:14:56 · answer #10 · answered by just me 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋