I have been working with this lady for years and feel very connected to her. We are both married and unhappy. If it wasn't for my son I would leave my wife. What should I do?I feel that I am being unfair to my wife and keeping her from someone who could love her more than me.
2006-10-05 11:58:28 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you were that unhappy in your marriage you would have left it by now. You are using your son as an exuse, and that is pretty lame. The fact that you and this co worker are unhappy in your marriages isn't a reason to commit adultery, and break the contracts you have with your spouses. A marriage is a legal and binding contract and when you cheat on your spouse you are breaking that contract, in business companies get sued for breaking contracts. So if you want this other woman I suggest that the two of you divorce your current spouses, and don't make your kids the excuse for not having the balls to leave.
2006-10-05 12:04:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in a difficult spot. If your son is still young, then there is an argument for staying together for his sake. On the other hand you have a point, in that it's unfair on your wife to hang around, when you've no intention of being her life partner. The younger she is when you split up, the better chance she has to find someone else.
So that's one decision. The second decision is, do you get involved with this co-worker? To work out where to go next, you must separate these two decisions in your mind. One does NOT depend on the other.
If leaving your wife is the right thing to do, then it's the right thing to do irrespective of whether you have someone else waiting for you. You are a grown man, you should be strong enough to strike out alone, without needing the support of another woman to get you through.
If you get involved with this co-worker before you have disentangled yourself from your wife - by which I mean, you've separated, found yourself a place to live, agreed visitation rights etc, but not necessarily divorced yet - then there's a risk that you will be unfair to her, too.
At the moment part of her attraction is that she's a lifeboat to get you out of your marriage. Once you are free, you may find that you're not as attracted to her as you think. If you've lured her out of her marriage to be with you, then you'll feel guilty and may even end up being stuck with her because you haven't the heart to break it off. Out of the frying pan into the fire!
2006-10-05 12:18:31 · answer #2 · answered by Kylie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are being unfair to your son.
Just LOVE your family. Start loving your wife again, your son's mother. Imagine you had a daughter all grown up and married and in your same predicament (with a child). How would you want your son in law to treat your daughter. Children suffer from break ups. I did it once and if I had the chance I would have stayed with my husband and really made it work. I should have done it for my son. I have set the worst example for him, and I regret it all the time. Look at the good things and good times, concentrate on the positive. It takes a stronger man to keep a family together. Pick up Dr. Phil's books! Love the books not necessarily his shows. Look, where there is a will there is a way. Family First. Oh! and thinking that u are keeping ur wife from someone who could love her more, is CRAP!!! Its an excuse you are inventing to justify what your giving in to. BE STRONG. Be a real man. You can keep your coworker lady friend as just a friend.
2006-10-05 12:11:06 · answer #3 · answered by dreamlander 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You might think the grass is greener on the other side but it most likely is bitter sweet. If you should decide to divorce your wife you need to go at it alone, with no other woman in the picture. You don't know this woman any other way than in the office. Why not reconnect with your wife and talk to your wife about the things you talk about with this co-worker. You are being very unfair to your wife no matter how you look at it. A child is no reason to stay if you are that unhappy but you have not been fair at all.
2006-10-05 12:16:26 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to hear what's comimg out of your mouth. Your son's life will be miserable, because you stayed with someone you don't love anymore. If you don't care about your own moral soul, get out for your son's well being. I t will be hard on him for awhile, but believe me he will thank you for it later. If you are falling for your co-worker, you have already abanded your marriage. You and your wife need to sit down tonight and end it. you must remember tthat you and the co-worker only have a bond because you spend so much time together and most importantly YOU DO NOT HAVE TO ANSWER TO EACH OTHER!
2006-10-05 12:15:17 · answer #5 · answered by thirty's not so bad! 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just remember buddy, the grass is not greener on the other side. You are completely right when you say that another man could love your wife more than you. It's not even about being unfair to your wife. You made a commitment to her and to God. Wow, you are going to break a commitment to God that you would love this woman for the rest of your life. I don't want to be in your shoes. Look up marriage in the Bible and read for yourself. Not to sound so harsh on you but people don't take marriage serious anymore. Love is not a feeling, it is a commitment. I wish you the best of luck and hope that you make the right decision for your family.
2006-10-05 12:45:46 · answer #6 · answered by Kim M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are not in a happy marriage your son probably can feel it too. Sometimes staying married for the kids is worse than getting a divorce. Explore your feelings with this co-worker and see where it takes you.
2006-10-05 12:00:53 · answer #7 · answered by Debbrophy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a marriage is something wonderful when 2 people are working toward the good of the relationship. However; when children are involved it makes the relationship complicated. I feel if you're unhappy don't you think you owe your son the respect to take yourself out of an unhealthy relationship, continue to show him love and do what's needed for you to be a productive male role model in his life so he can become a positive black young male.
2006-10-05 12:09:27 · answer #8 · answered by Lashonda H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sir, I was married for 23 years with three children and my ex. started seeing a woman he worked with. Well, of course it is new and exciting and she is telling you what you want to hear, stroking your ego because she does not deal with your bills, your kids, the house, the medical bills and your dirty underwear...Look you loved your wife at one time: Can you just turn it off like that? What happened that you are unhappy? Life can get you down but you owe it to your wife to be honest and tell her the truth, give her a chance to help fix the problem, you owe nothing to this woman at work, she would have you leave your family: Is this the values you want your son to have? Would you want him to do this to his wife and child? It is your JOB to teach him the Truth about all things, your JOB is to make sure he is HEALTHY, HAPPY, STABLE, LOVED, ACCEPTED, so he will be a good man...I know from experience, this woman will never treat your son the way he should be treated and you will never treat him the same way, you will be to busy trying to please the new woman...Good Luck, you need to pray about this...
2006-10-05 12:32:59 · answer #9 · answered by staylorenv 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are a selfish coward- why? cause you are too weak to change your life or make peace with it- and selfish enough to ruin your marriage in a more insiduous way through an affair-- stop making excuses you piece of sh*$ and leave youe wife who definately deserves better- by the way - that lame a## excuse of yours has been used by thousands of weak jerks before you--so you aren't noble or worthy of pity- just distain for your stupidity and repetitiveness.
2006-10-05 12:23:32 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋