I have a future mother in law that is already turning out to be a pain in the neck. She wants to tell me how to arrange my wedding (that she isn't paying for, my parents are paying for it). She is manipulating my fiance (her son) to get him to get upset and want to be more involved. She is telling him "it is your wedding too" just so she can have him fight with me and tell me her list of demands and yet it looks like it is his words not hers. My mom thinks maybe his mom doesnt want us to get married.
Any suggestions of what to do with a future B____ in law? Anyone else have a problem with their mother in law?
2006-10-05 11:55:21 · 13 answers · asked by Educated 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The sad thing is his mom has never really cared about him. I am the one who pushed him through college (when he kept dropping out. He paid for it himself). He is a vegatarian but his mom doesnt make sure he eats and I do. Sometimes he just wont eat unless someone makes sure he has something to eat. Also I helped him admit and get help for his learning disability, and i also helped him find a job in the field he wanted. All while his parents and family sit back and never help him with anything. It isn't hard to tell when he is struggling with some issue and yet they still sit by and do nothing for him.
Also his mom likes to point out "it is his wedding too!" Yet she said to my mother that my fiance "doesn't need a special meal (AT HIS OWN WEDDING!) he can eat whatever is there"! When my mom was trying to let his mom know that we are having a buffet so we can get special veg. meals as well as meat meals for the rest of us.
2006-10-05 12:10:38 · update #1
It's not his wedding it is yours his only job is to show up. His moms job is shut up and your job can be to flip her off behind her back and that is it. You have to deal with her. Luckily my mom in law didnt know english and I at the time didnt know spanish so we got along just fine.
2006-10-05 11:58:38 · answer #1 · answered by 2strongfor2long 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I bet I could put my mil up for the worst mil of the century against anyones. Shes been living with us for 6 years now due to 2 severe strokes, but for the past 27 years there hasnt been a day that has gone by that I havent hoped for and prayed for , for her to move on. When we got married in Denver, mil lived in Cleveland, or I should say after, she would call my wife at least 3 times a day to see if Ive killed her (my wife is 3 of 7 kids) everyday for the first 2 years, but then she made my wife call her in between so honestly there were 2 phone bills in the 700.00 range each month. If she couldnt reach her she would call the sheriffs dept to check up on her. She had to be there when my girls were born to make sure I didnt kill them or her daughter during childbirth. Every vacation no matter where we went or when had to be with her. She even got my wife to move back up there from Fla 12 yrs ago cause she missed her. My wife makes an excellent salary so I didnt have much of a choice if I wanted to stay near my girls. I can go on forever here but you get the idea. Now that she lives with us, our lives revolve around her schedule. My oldest got married and moved out because of her. Now she does know I cant stand her, but my wife sticks up for her and if she saw this, Id be in divorce court for sure. So I just keep on praying and trying to figure how much longer can she hold on as shes 80 this year. I wouldnt hope this lady on anyone. I feel for you and wish you all the luck in the world and if someone tells you to run because of her before you say I do (my aunt did this at our wedding and I didnrt listen) run like hell and dont look back. Good luck
2006-10-05 19:18:21 · answer #2 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i have a few issues with my mother in law in general i respect her i try to keep off her toes. Some mother in laws are just nasty people. It always helps the marriage to get along with the guys mom..it cause so many problems when you don't a guy should not have to pick family over his wife. Try not being judgemental call your mother in law let her be more involved she sounds like to me she feels you are taking her son she has no control over anything. YES HE'S A GROWN MAN MOMMY SHOULD NOT RULE HIS LIFE but, this is the women who made him who he is let her have a say feel involved in his life. I know when my BOY gets married i want to be a part of that any women who pushed me out of my baby boys life would see the bi*ch in me fast. YOU don't have to do whatever she suggest you can let her know her thoughts are important. I JUST READ YOUR ADDED DETAILS sounds like your being mommy he dose not sound mature enough to make his own choices run his own life you don't find a grown man a job wipe his bum and push him Thur school MAKE HIM EAT LOL good luck playing mom to a grown man have fun with that hon. If he wants SPECIAL FOOD HE SHOULD BE OLD ENOUGH TO GO FRIGGIN BUY AND COOK IT. I'd let any man go hungry before i pampered his lil bottom. I'm betting your both under 26 i see divorce by 32.
2006-10-05 19:03:04 · answer #3 · answered by ally'smom 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes i do she gets under my skin so bad i can't stand to talk to her or be in the same room as her. People have told me how she rolls her eyes behind my back when i talk and she thinks that everyone is suppose to do things her way( being a cheap ***). and she makes me feel like i am not raising my kids right which i know i am doing a good job. And I feel like she doesn't like the ways i do things for my husband. like making him dinner every night and packing his lunch for work those little things well i am a stay at home mom I should do those tings for him.when it comes to her I just think to my self no wonder why you marriages never work out . she will make lil comments about everything and she is soooooo greedy. but unfortunately she will be around forever so i have learned to bite my to and to go home and complain to my mom about it. so I completely hear what you are saying and you are not the only one that can't stand your mother in law. just don't get stressed over it you will kill yourself if you do. Just hang in there you will learn to ignore her.
2006-10-05 20:06:33 · answer #4 · answered by Tmarie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Mine is the same problem as yours .The problem is they are afraid we will take their son away from them.This problem you will have to face for whole life.If your fiance loves you and your mom in law both he will become sandwich.Poor guy like my husband!Dont create tension between you and your fiance because of her.You will have to keep a big heart and try to understand situation.Take care of him and consider him he will understand everything.But you will always have to be cautious she can do anything.Be prepared.You never give your fault if you are not in fault you will always have upperhand.He will understand you and be with you.
2006-10-05 20:27:42 · answer #5 · answered by Res J 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I do, or I did. Divorce fixed that to some extent.
typically men don't care about the details of the wedding, but if he sincerly wants to be part of the planning give him a something to do. Men hate long drawn out chores, he will leave you alone after that. If there is any crafting to be done that's the job for him"putting together flower bouqets?
2006-10-05 19:05:51 · answer #6 · answered by thirty's not so bad! 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well first of all it is your fiance's wedding too. That said. I suggest you at least LISTEN to what your future mother in law has in mind. And I wouldn't start off calling her a *****, at any time because someday you could have children and be in need of her services to babysit, and it will all come back to haunt you then. In otherwords at least try to get along with the woman or don't marry her son...because when you marry her son you will be tied to her as well for as long as your marriage lasts.
2006-10-05 19:07:52 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Yikes, be careful here! I hope your future hubby has a backbone and doesn't take her side. Actually my marriage was a total mess because his parents always had an opinion, and it was never the same as mine, and HE never sided with me. Not a good situation! We are divorced. You are going to have to sit him down and make him realize that he needs to support you and side with you, or the marriage is going to struggle.
2006-10-05 19:01:09 · answer #8 · answered by tsk tsk 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I had this issue with my mother in law. When I heard her saying rude comments, I'd march right up to her and ask her what the problem was. She would be caught of guard, and I'd tell her she was being rude and it wasn't appreciated, and I'd walk away.
It is you wedding and your fiance's not hers. She needs to know that.
2006-10-05 19:30:14 · answer #9 · answered by Nikki T 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, I have a very nice mother in law. Let her plan the wedding and pay for it. Let it be on her. Then stay away from her.
2006-10-05 19:22:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋