Can you really get over your First true love?

Question

Is it really possible to get over your first true love. If so what works and how long does it take to stop dreaming and thinking of that person evryday no matter what you do?

Answer 1

Yes it is possible. I had a girlfriend at 12 and we were so in love we just KNEW we'd be getting married; but our parents broke it up because they saw it as leading to early sex (my mother had had an abortion, so she projected her weakness on me, which was not the way I was thinking at all - I saw sex as just the culmination of love within marriage - hugely atypical for 12 year-old guys I have been told).

I was needless to say heartbroken, went through a 10-year period of suffering from an inferiority complex and other issues that eventually lead to bouts of drinking and anger (and therapy), and wound up getting into several mis-matched relationships and was totally miserable for A LONG TIME (decades) and constantly dreamt of the first love during all my marriages, including one severe drinking bout in which I wanted to kill my mother for having messed with my life (haven't had a drink in 6 1/2 years).

I found that, even though it was considered by others to be counter-productive to my mental health to be "frozen" on the first love, in another sense it kept me going throughout the years with the hope that SOMEDAY I would meet the right one - but each time I re-married I thought that the new one WAS the one, but I never stopped thinking about the "First true love" and had divided loyalties with everyone I was with or dated.

And then one special day recently I DID meet THE RIGHT ONE. This is how I know it's real - I no longer think of the first love, only this new one. In short she is now the standard and is the object of my total, unconditional love - and, by the way, also went through the exact same thing as I did and loves me on the same level - and we share so many interests it might be considered by some to be frightening.

All of this has been an object lesson to me that no matter how long it takes, each person has someone they are destined to be with; and perhaps the original "First true love" of my life was not really "The Love" after all, seeing as how after she and her family moved away she got pregnant by a guy she dated in high school (which I did not know until decades later) - so in a way both of our parents were somewhat right and maybe I would have been a poor parent if it had been forced on me to raise a child by another man (which my sense of duty would have found obligatory).

I would say that you need to be in tune with the sort of person you have compatibility with in whatever particular way your personalities react - it wouldn't necessarily be the same list for you as for me. You also should not fantasize about someone and worship them on a pedestal - that is also "co-dependent", but you should interact with them as best friends also - you should be both practical as well as romantic and cut your losses quickly if you sense incompatibility on too many fronts. But you SHOULD be in love with the new person and vice versa - otherwise you are only kidding yourself. Love should be magic. In short, do not "settle". There is someone out there for you. I am living proof.

I personally also thank God for this miracle in my and my new lady's life, but that is a matter for you and not the world. Best of luck and don't give up!

Answer 2

I don't believe that one ever stops dreaming about their first love. Sure life goes on, and you meet someone new, maybe even marry and have a family. But that first true love is always hidden somewhere in the background. It's not necessarily a bad thing though, after all it is that first true love that shaped us for all the future loves that come and go.

Answer 3

Your mind tells you no, but in the end your heart will go on. Life goes on.
The moment you truly let go of a person is like dropping a penical from your hand. Don't go back to pick it up but keep on going.
It took me 5 years, but I find myself happier and so will you. A million fishes out there!!

Answer 4

Yes, you can. What worked for me was time away. Plus knowing it probably wouldn't last b/c he was a big flirt and I am the jealous type. I still loved him and we had great times together. I still think about him when I pass by his parents house and such. You will eventually get over your true love. You wont forget, but you will get over them. Good luck. Sam

Answer 5

I got over my first love after 1 month. What did I do, well......put it this way, just think that the earth will still move around everyday. Time will heal everything, after awhile, it will get lighter and lighter until you don't think about it anymore.

Granted, you'll probably think about him/her at one point, but you wouldn't feel much about it.

Answer 6

You sure can !!!!
I was in love for the first time when I was 18 .
He left me for an other girl , and married her .
He was on my mind for 34 years !!!
When his wife died and he asked me to marry him .....I turned him down .
WOW !!! did I say no !!
I couldn't believe I said " no ".
That was the end of it .
Sometimes , we want something we can't have so badly , it's on our mind all the time .
And actually when it comes to it , that all of a sudden , you can have what you wanted for so long , you don't want it anymore .........isn't that something !!
So , to answer your question .... don't worry , you'll get over it .

Answer 7

You will NEVER get over them.. you may stop thinking/dreaming of them every day with time.. but you will never forget them and you will continue comparing everyone with them. It's horrible.

Answer 8

Nope they will always be in the back of your mind.
Thats why its your first true love

Answer 9

yes. you just have to remember why it ended in the first place.

Answer 10

hell ya !!i did and i was with him for 3 yrs!!!ull find better trust me