Why am I not enough for my husband?Adults only!?

Question

I have been married for 1 year, and my husband and I have a great relationship.The problem is, I can't keep up with him sexually.
If we don't have sex daily or more, he gets angry and frustrated, and even suspicious! I give him the best I can, often under the influence of a certain mood altering substance to keep up. I love him and he goes far beyond pleasing me, but my hips keep dislocating and my back hurts beyond belief, and I get little sleep. I know I please him, but the better it gets, the more he wants! Recently, he has been visiting alot of porn websites, and I just came across a website that he's been on looking for women in our area. I'm concerned if he's actually looking for someone to "fill In", or if he's just curious. Can anyone give me some advice, or let me know how much longer this will last? I need some serious advice!

When we first met, it was alot more often,and alot more extreme. I was thinking that after we got married, things would cool down a little, and they have, but I'm still too tired alot of the time. When he gets angry about it, it's usually at himself. He does "take it into his own hands" ALOT, and says that he didn't want to bother me. For him, skipping a day, is a big accomplishment. He says when he looks at porn, he is thinking of me, but I don't know if I believe that or not. The site he went on for our area, he hasn't registered YET. He says he's gonna have the internet service turned off, so I won't have to worry.
He works three 15 hour days a week, and does most of the cooking and cleaning, and takes great care of the kids. When I go to sleep he says he tends to his self, so he won't bother me. He is not that selfish as it may look, but I think he may be addicted. Like I said, when we got married, I thought our sex life would wither away! That's what you always hear.

Answer 1

I have to agree with those who think there is a possibility that your husband has a sexual addiction. And the fact that he gets angry when you don't put out tells me that he is thinking only about himself (in other words, he's being selfish). You should see a doctor about your physical problems, but that is only part of the problem. Anyone who can't go without having sex for a day (or half day) with a partner who has physical problems, short of going to a porn site, has a problem, IMO. I think you should both invest in some marriage counseling. I really do----and if this guy has an addiction, it has nothing to do with you--it's his problem and he is the one who is going to have to deal with it.

I wish you the best.


ADDITIONAL DETAILS:

If he's getting mostly angry with himself, then it sounds like he knows or at least suspects that he might have an addiction. IMO, this is an indication that he might actually be open to getting help. I definitely think you should approach the subject and see how he feels about it.

However, (and I don't say this to hurt your feelings) I would doubt most serisouly that he is thinking of you when he looks at porn. You need to be aware that people with ANY kind of addiction, generally tell lies to keep out of hot water. Lying is just part and parcel of the addiction cycle. He might TRY to think about you, or WISH he was thinking about you, or he might even have convinced himslef that he does, but in all likelihood he doesnt. It is a scientifically proven fact that men are primarily stimulated visually. Visualization is one (and possibly the top one) of the most powerful forms of sexual arrounsal for men. Therefore, he is probably getting off to whatever (or whomever) he is looking at at the time.

Try to get professional help. I think this is your best solution. It sounds like the two of you care enough about each other to try to work this out--becauset it isn't going to go away on its own. I think the sexual addiction has really gotten hold of him, and he will need help getting free of it, but that's just my opinion.

and btw, if his looking at porn is NOT OK with you, then it's NOT OK for the marriage, and it's NOT OK--period. And please don't think that giving in and approving of the porn is going to save the marriage. It might eventually destory it. Get help before it gets any worse.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

There is an obvious discrepance between your and his sexual appetite. The first thing is to make sure that it really is so. The easiest way is by having a look at his natal chart. You presumably know when and where he was born, so you go to

http://www.astro.com/atlas

enter the town of birth there and choose the right town from the next screen. Then enter the data and press Continue, then on the next screen choose Chart drawing, Ascendant, which will give you the computed chart. Look at the chart, and if you see hard aspects between Uranus and Mars, then he really is a sex addict. To do him justice, he doesn't see it that way at all, he just has that strong sex drive, but that is natural to him and he may not understand that other people don't have it so strongly.

There is a possibility that Uranus in transit is making a hard aspect to the natal Mars, which will make him a "sex addict" but only temporarily. When the transit is over, so will his uber-sexuality start to get diminished. If, however, the transit is at its peak, he may really start chasing other sex partners, it may be a real danger.

There were three or four cases in my astrological practice where the poor women complained of exactly the same type of behaviour that you now do. For instance, after a good intercourse, the man suddenly starts masturbating in front of his wife, or switches on a VCR and start rolling the porn. In all these case, there was a strong natal connection between Mars and Uranus. These men are always sexually higher strung then the others, so you have to either comply with their requests or be left behind. The relationship will be able to continue if there are harmonious aspects between his and your own natal chart, but that type of analysis, I'm afraid, is best left to the professional astrologers.

If you do not like to involve astrology into this, the best route would be to set up a meeting with him, and then tell him in short and definite sentences how you see the situation. If he cannot curbe his sexual appetites and you cannot comply more than you now do, ask him whether he would be satisfied with other sexual techniques that do not engage you so much... In any case, do not compromise your body -- the temple of your soul -- just because of love. If he really loves you, he should care about your body even more than you do, or should be doing it from a different angle than you do.


Sincerely, Dusko Savic
http://www.attunementsandhoroscopes.com/

Answer 4

you need to tell him abotu all of the pain and discomforts the act is causing you. im sure he'll understrand then. if you dont want to have sex, then just to foreplay. and have sex only a few times a week. you shouldnt be under the influence of any substence just for you to have sex with im. unless its a femine pill that boosts your libido. but maybe you should just not take the "mood altering substence" . you need tot ell him howyou feel and how much this is hurting you. and bring up on what you found on the computer. you should go to the doctors to check out to see if anything is wrong with your back and see what they can do abotu your hips =( im sorry what you are going though. but if he truly cares abotu you and how you are feeling he will understand. he is your husband "for better or for worse" just keep an eye on him and the websites though, sounds a little suspicious....

i think when you are also at the doctors you should talk to him/her about how to increase your libido, if theres a pill or remedies that can help.

i hope things get better for you though.

Answer 5

Well, first of all, how was your sexual relation with him before getting married??? Be honest with him and express your feelings he needs to understand that he can't have it 7 days at week, what about your period days??? How does he react this days??? Maybe he needs professional help, he migth be sex addict, and you need to go see a doctor about your back .... About the porn most men either look for videos, magazines,or the net to please themselves but if he is more in to that then he migth have a problem... Talk to him about this & if you see that things get worst then move on you will need to live like this forever it is not healthy for you or him to have a relationship full of stress because of sex. It has been only a year & if he can't understnad the fact of too much sex then like I said move on & be happy with out this kind of problem..But fist try to solve this that good way ...good luck!!

Answer 6

Sorry, but it sounds like your husband has a problem. There's nothing wrong with wanting to have sex often - but when it interferes with daily functioning, it is called addiction. What you're describing is not normal. I mean, I love chocolate, but I don't get angry if I don't eat it every single day. There are A LOT of other things a responsible adult must attend to day in and day out besides sex.

What did you think of his sex drive before you agreed to marry him? Did you have a plan to cope with it long-term? I can't even imagine dealing with a guy who has sex on his mind 24/7, that would be so annoying...

Answer 7

my first concern is this you said "often under the influence of a certain mood altering substance" i am a recovering addict if your doing drugs "I'm thinking speed or coke that's a WONDERFUL WAY TO TRASH A MARRIAGE. #2 CONCERN you both sound unstable you by allowing him to screw you when ever he wants and taking a drug "whatever it is" to keep up with him that's a very BAD SITUATION. He sounds like a sex addict and the looking on line for women in the area is not cool UNLESS YOU ARE swingers you gave consent 4 this. My advice you both need therapy. I'm not saying that to be rude either i did coke and heroin many years I'm telling you from experience it's not the way to go.

Answer 8

Selfish! Disrespectful! If he's getting 'angry' on ANY level about not having sex daily (or frequently, as it may be) when he knows his wife is in pain, then that man needs a swift kick in the brain. His desire may be real, and your obvious wish to satisfy him may be real, but so is his total lack of care for your needs. He should speak with a few divorced 40+ year old men. Life ain't so easy on the other side buddy (him)- taking care with what you have makes for a much more satisfying life-long relationship.

Answer 9

I have the exact proublem, I would come home from work and find all these porn sites and live web cam sites in the history of the computer and I tryed not to stress about it, You know guys will be guys. But then I came home for lunch early one day to find a girls car in my drive way, To no suprise the door was locked and I pounded on the door and my 4 year old daughter answered it. I headed to the room where I knew I was going to find them and my boyfriednd of 1 year came running out trying to put his pants on. I went to see who the girl was and she was some handicaped girl with no legs and miss shapened hands, Goes to show that when they are that absesed with sex they will have sex with anything that walks or for that matter cant walk, To make things worse Im 8 months pregnant still with him and hate myself everyday for it because I know better I cant have sex with him and I dont know how to leave because im so concerned about what im going to do by myself with the two girls. Its not worth being miserable

Answer 10

I personally think you should seek professional help with this question. Without knowing your husband's personality type or anything about the type of relationship the two of you share....there is no way to give you any type of REAL advice. Are you able to talk to your husband about this situation? Why he is looking on porn sites. It is possible he is just looking for fresh ideas, maybe he feels he needs to keep it interesting for you. He might be looking to add a third party to your sexual adventures. You should talk to him about this if you can. If you are having physical problems from having too much sex...you need to talk to him about it....does he know that you physically hurt? Making love to your husband is suppose to be a beautiful experience and not be painful...