If you get raped, can you still consider yourself a virgin?

Question

I have never been raped, but I know someone who has and she's worried that she can't be considered a virgin now.

Answer 1

If you are thinking about it from a physical aspect the hymen in most women is broken long before they have sex through masturbation. So if your definition of "virgin" is physical then most women lost their virginity before ever being touched by a man.

Virginity is also innocence, and your answer here is going to differ from person to person. I believe just because someone was raped doesn't mean they lost that innocence, but many people will.

The most important part of virginity is a mental state. Forcing someone to have sex doesn't full fill the mental state.

Answer 2

I think virginity is more of a psychological state than physical. Most people think if a woman bleed on first sex she is virgin which is not true. A woman may not bleed even than she is virgin which has been been proved by modern medical sciences.
In todays world where there is so much crime and depression, it is so bad that educated societies are also suffering from this manace. In NY every minute there is a rape. So how can one say bad thing about the poor girls who suffer at the hands of bad people.
Afterall a boy get a spank on the buttock for sex but a girl is pragnant after that.
Be patient with girls.
Thanks

Answer 3

Technically a woman has lost her virginity when she has been penetrated by a penis.
Considering the circumstance I would still consider her to be a virgin because she has not expirienced the mental aspect of consentual sex.
Even though as I said technically because she has been penetrated her virginity has been stolen.
But I think it would be ok to say she was still a virgin due to the fact that when she decides to have realtions with a loving caring partner it is going to be a new expirience for her and it will be like "officially" losing her virginity.

I hope Im making some kind of sense here..it does in my mind but no so much in my words.

The idea of the hymen being broken does not always apply when figuring out the woman's "purity"..so I have been told, using tampons can sometimes break the hymen ... as can masterbation with phallic toys.

Answer 4

I was raped when I was a virgin. What I do is instead of focusing on the word virginity, I refer to the first time I had sex. Rape is Rape and Sex is Sex. So I say "He's the first person I had sex with" not "He's the guy I gave my virginity to".

It's her life, her experience, and her body; she has a right to consider herself whatever she chooses. If you want to be good friend, let her know that you still consider her a virgin.

Answer 5

It is horrible that she was raped and had that loss in her life. It is good that she is moving on with her life and looking to form a new self image. Thankfully in most places these days virginity does not have the same priceless conotations that it used to. Obviously, she is not physically a virgin, but I really dont think this matters anymore unless you are in a very traditional society. If she feels like a virgin then yes, in her emotional state and in her mind she is a virgin. In the emotional/mental state she lacks sexual experience and so that would define her as virgin. Really, it is more important that she finds a way to move on and understand herself than to place mis-fitting labels upon herself.

Answer 6

It seems an odd question to ask a bunch of strangers, but overall the answer is yes, she can still consider herself a virgin.

April, a few answers above, posted a dictionary definition of virgin. It refered to 'sexual intercourse'. The definition for intercourse is:

in‧ter‧course
1.dealings or communication between individuals, groups, countries, etc.
2.interchange of thoughts, feelings, etc.
3.sexual union.

The hatred and violence of rape has nothing to do with the exchange of emotions and communication that occurs during sexual union. Your friend was a victim of that violence and has not yet experienced the feelings of sexual union, thus she has not experienced sexual intercourse and is a virgin.

Also, it is her life and her body, and she is fully entitled to define for herself how she views her own history. No one can ever tell her she is not a virgin - they did not live through her experiences - and it is for her to decide in her own heart.

From a medical perspective, it is important that she discuss the physical events of the assault with her doctor and with her counselor (and the police, if she can manage to do so), but those descriptions are only for medical (and legal) purposes and do not define how she views herself internally.

Rape is awful to endure, and I hope your friend can heal well. I hope she can find a way to know that she is still a virgin, and at least put that part of the pain behind her.

Answer 7

If you want to be technicle no, But in reality she has never made a concious choice to lose what G-d gave her and trust me G-d still understands that she is a virgin in her heart, and when she gets married only a man worth marrying would understand that for all emotional intents and purposes she is still pure of heart and soul. She can still make that choice to have intiment sex with a partner of her chooseing whom she loves, and who loves her as well. That is the essance of the choice, not the technicle aspect of a hymen and all that. G-d bless your dear friend and tell her she is still a shineing example of a woman everyday you see her, let her know she is an amazeing and good woman and worth it to all who meet her, beacuse being raped steals that feeling of worth from you, now as her friend you have the choice to make, to let her know she IS worthy of being loved and cherished by everyone around her.

Answer 8

I'm so devastated and sorry for what your friend has gone through. Hopefully shes gotten counseling to help you heal, but if she hasent, you might want to contact RAINN, the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network, at 1-800-656-HOPE. Though it pains me so much that she ask to ask the question above, let's answer it for you. Technically, shes not a virgin anymore because she has been penetrated. But let's look at the subject from a more human level. Having sex was not her choice. And it's not even like she made a decision to have sex and then regretted it immediately. When that man molested her, he tried to steal a piece of her soul. But she doesnt have to give it to him. It's my opinion that because of her circumstance she can still consider herself a virgin. This way she can reclaim power over her body and mind. And P.S., don't feel pressured to answer such an invasive question! It's none of anyone's business.

Answer 9

In gynecology she might wouldnt be considered a virgin because the hymen has most likely been broken. However, in Spiritual (if she's Christian) terms I would say yes, she's a virgin. In her emotional state, yes, she's a virgin. I've thought about women who have been raped, and how they would feel on their wedding day (esp. if they had 'saved' themselves). I would DEFINITELY wear white. Not just b/c of tradition but b/c of her emotional and Spiritual state. In other words, as far as sexuality, she's pure.

Answer 10

You may still consider yourself a virgin. To give up your virginity, you must give it up willingly. Being a virgin is more than just a physical status. Just like some girls who have never had vaginal intercourse, but have done other things, should not consider themselves virgins.