can you tell me a funny joke?

Question

no momma jokes........

Answer 1

a man walks into a bar and the bartender is a horse so the man says "hey buddy, Why the long face"
Come on thats cute

Answer 2

A drunk guy stumbles out of a bar and starts beating a nun. He knocks her down and kicks her repeatedly. When he's too tired to continue he looks down at her and says, "not so tough now are ya' Batman."

Answer 3

Here are a few that I either made up or heard:

Three kids went to the circus. Soon they were brought before a judge. The judge asked the first boy, "What's your name?" "Johnny!" "What did you do, Johnny?" "I threw peanuts in the elephant pen!" "Oh, that's okay, you're free to go." The judge asked the second boy, "What's your name?" "Billy!" "What did you do, Billy?" "I threw peanuts in the elephant pen!" "Oh, that's not so bad, you can go." The judge asked the third boy, "What's your name?" "Peanuts!"

One day there was a flood. A man was trapped on the roof of his house. A lifeboat came by, and the men onboard said, "Come on, jump in, we'll save you!" "No, no, God will save me." So the lifeboat moved on. Pretty soon, a second lifeboat came by. The crew spoke, "Hey, get on, you'll be safe!" "No, that's okay, God will save me." So the second lifeboat moved on. Soon a helicopter flew by and lowered a ladder to the man. "Climb up the ladder! We'll save you!" "I have faith that God will save me." Well, the man died in the flood. When he got to heaven, he asked God, "Hey, God, why didn't you save me?" God replied, "I sent two boats and a helicopter, buddy, where were you?"

One day three kids, Johnny, Billy, and Ted, died and went to heaven. When they got there, an angel told them, "Okay, you can wander freely around here, but don't step on any ducks." The three boys agreed, and were careful not to step on any ducks. Johnny stepped on a duck, and suddenly this incomprehensibly ugly woman with hair all over her body was standing next to him. "What happened!?" Billy and Ted asked. "I stepped on a duck," Johnny answered. So the three of them...and the ugly woman...walked on. Billy stepped on a duck, and suddenly a grotesque, inhuman girl materialized right before him and clung to his arm. "What happened!?" Johnny and Ted asked. Billy replied, "I stepped on a duck." So the three boys...and the two ugly, grotesque ladies...walked on. Suddenly Ted found an utterly beautiful and pretty young woman standing right before him. "What happened to you?" Johnny and Billy asked her. She replied, "I stepped on a duck."

This guy went to the doctor.
"Doctor, how bad is it? Is it really that serious?"
"Well, it looks like we're going to have to operate on it."
"Can I have a second opinion?"
"Okay, you're ugly."

There were two offices side by side, one specializing in study of psychology, and other specializing in proctology. Since they were so close together, they decided to name them together. The first name was "Nuts and butts." Then it was changed to, "Odds and ends." They finally decided on "Queers and rears."

Answer 4

This guy walks into a bar, which was really rude of his friends because they could've said something like "Hey... watch out for that bar..."

Answer 5

Look for a show called The Aristocrats on HBO, and watch it if you dare.

Answer 6

(Imitating Steven Wright)

If a vegetarian had a clone that was in a coma would she eat her clone being her clone were a vegetable and she's a vegetarian

Answer 7

what green and hairy and goes up and down?a gooseberry in a lift haha

Answer 8

No I don't like jokes.

Answer 9

why dont hens have boobies???
because roosters dont have hands!!!!!!!!
lol........