we have 3 kids, all grown and out of the house. i always thought that our marriage was a good one because he always did the right things to make me happy. you know bring home flowers for no reason, send me cards. the little things that make me feel loved. after the kids left home i found some emails where he was trying to go out with this other woman that works for the same company as he did. i asked him about them and he told me that it wasn't any of my business. blah , blah, blah, then after persueing the issue with him, he told me that he never loved me and that he just stayed because of the kids. I was devestated. still am. anyways, i found out that this woman told my husband that she doesn't date employees and just keeps them at arms length. her polite way of saying that she wasn't interest in him. So now he says that he wants to stay with me and work things out. what would you do. stay or leave? tell me what you think of him
2006-10-05 09:07:15 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Doing the right ting by staying for the kids was a good thing for him to do, your devastation while real and fresh will lessen over time. if you were in total denial of your marital health Working things out requires communication. My wife and I separated and were divorced for a couple year when she was having some emotional issues. She didn't want to be married to me, Truth is, she didn't want to drag me and the kids into her emotional cesspool.
If you are willing and he is willing to WORK on it. then that may be the best you can do. Try dating, the kids are gone, go out for supper together, spice up the sex life. If sex has been in short supply practice makes perfect and YOU need to initiate more and often.
2006-10-05 09:18:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that's rough... but your relationship could become healthy again. This might not make much sense, but psycologically men "need" respect and women "need" love, and each will repay the other with what they need if they get what they need - so, if he acts unloving, you will have no respect for him, so he will not love you, so you will not respect him, and it goes on and on, a vicious cycle, with neither of you getting what you need. The only thing you can do to stop the cycle is to act the opposite of how you feel, and find ways to show him and tell him things about him that you respect (even if it's really hard), and if you keep at it, he will remember that he still loves you, and more than ever.... just a suggestion... think about it;.... try it!...
2006-10-05 16:30:23 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweet heart, Please be good to yourself and leave that jerk, You can do better. You have been with this man for years, andhe does'nt love you, he will cheat on you in a minute, if that woman had been interested in him he would have you heart broken, even more that you are now. Since the other woman isn't interested then he will work it out with you, BULL what happens when another woman catches his eye and is interested, do yourself a favor and leave him. Find someone that will value your worth. Good Luck
2006-10-05 16:50:56 · answer #3 · answered by Leshawn R 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOU deserve better than that..him deciding that he wants to stay when his other interest blew him off. Your children and grown and out of the house so don't do let him stay if y ou can't completely trust him and that he will not pull the same stunt when someone else comes along and catches his eye...YOU deserve better!
2006-10-05 16:20:02 · answer #4 · answered by rylprenciss 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow... I am really sorry that you had to be told that. I would ask yourself if you want to stay when you are playing 2nd fiddle... let alone will he look again? I guess get some marital counseling as you are still in love.... and what I think of him is not nice at all.
2006-10-05 16:15:38 · answer #5 · answered by Tricia P 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is tough but truely I'd try marriage counsling if he's willing. Have you confronted him about this? devorce is rough and also on the children even if they are grown. I attend a support group called devorce care and I'm surprised to hear how affected the grown children are. best of luck and feel free to contact me if you want
2006-10-05 16:13:23 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mom went threw the samething. She left my dad , kept the house, found a new husband and is happier than ever. Get rid of him. And live YOUR life. You deserve someone to love you back. It's a two way street.
2006-10-05 16:16:48 · answer #7 · answered by Sasasa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honestly, i don't know what to do. if you love someone it is hard to just leave. it is not impossible but it is hard. especially if he has been in your life for a long time and you genuinely love him.
now, if he told you he doesn't love you and never has then now he wants to work it out, it would be hard to trust him. because it did not work out with her then he runs back to you.
is this the first time it has happened and will it be the last. you have to find out how far you want to go with this and how long you can out up with his behavior
2006-10-05 17:04:30 · answer #8 · answered by edcltu 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say you two need to sit and talk things through. You need to ask yourself if you really want to stay with him. If you are truly unhappy then you need to leave this relationship. Who's to say he won't find another woman and do that to you again. Think long and hard.
2006-10-05 16:25:45 · answer #9 · answered by nh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would leave. I dont want to be anybodies second choice. After all the years you gave him he says he doesn't love you anymore ?? What a jerk. So what happens when the next women comes along ?
2006-10-05 16:13:32 · answer #10 · answered by JustMe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋