grieving for my auntie!?

Question

my auntie died today fromliver cancer. she was really well at midnight and by 5.15 she went down hill and lost the hard long battle. i feel lonely and upset. everyone tells me to be strong and to be happy, but i really carnt see the light at the end of the tunnel. i know thwe hardest part is going to be the funeral, it is all a bit of a shock as they said she had 3 months and she really had 3 days. does anyone else have this experience, please help i am in termoil. thanks lisa xx

Answer 1

Hi Lisa - sorry to read of your loss, its always hard when a family member dies. Things to remember are that she's in a better pain free place now, and you have happy memories of her (from when she was more well, I expect) so concentrate on these thoughts. That said, grieving is necessary so don't bottle up your feelings. It would be a bit harsh if you went to everyone 'I'm happy she's gone' wouldn't it? So grieve in your own way and at your own pace.

My grandad died in July 2004 and I still miss him every single day and wish I had said this or that, I especially wish he could have been at my wedding last month. But I know he knew I loved him, and I also knows hes still with me now (whether or not you believe in Heaven / an afterlife) because I carry him in my heart.

Ive just said this to someone else, but it might help you...
Don't be sad its over
Be happy because it happened

In other words, hold onto the happy memories and one day, at some point in the future, you'll find you're upset less and smiling more. However, after just 1 day of grieving I think you have a little way to go. As for the funeral, well everyone deals with them in their own way so don't worry about it until its actually time to go. Make sure its a celebration of her life, not to mourn your loss.

Sorry if Ive rambled but I know how you're feeling and I hope Ive helped. BIG healing hugs to you. Bxx

Answer 2

Hi Lisa,
sorry to hear your news.You will find it hard to cope with right now and you will feel down which is natural.I lost my sister from cancer who took over the mother role with me after my mum died.It took me a very long time to get over it and I really was in a bad way.You are going to go through the grieving process where you will be hurt angry then laugh when you think of some of the funny things that she has done in her life.Dont let people stop you from crying when you want to cry.It will take a while but the pain does eventually go away and you can then reflect on your happy times. I know it is no consolation right now but she is out of her pain and suffering which is painful for you to watch also. People cannot expect you to feel happy right now. But just remember this you now have a guardian angel watching over you who will give you strength and guidance throughout your life. Be strong Lisa you will see that light at the end of the tunnel. I will be thinking of you.

Answer 3

My Nana died very suddenly from liver cancer too. It was awful. We didn't even know she had it til after she had died. The funeral was hard but it also helped me as I got a chance to say goodbye. It also made me believe it was really happening because up until that point I hadn't excepted it. I cried for ages which helped me deal with my emotions. You shouldn't suppress your emotions. If you don't feel like being strong, just have a good cry and let it out. All I can say is that you will feel better in time. My Nana passed away 6 yrs ago now. I think about her every day but it's with fond memories of the time I got to spend with her.

Answer 4

Sorry to hear about your loss - you're bound to be feeling sad and upset. You have to give yourself time to grieve properly though, and going to the funeral is part of that process as it gives you the chance to say goodbye. Nobody will expect you to be strong and happy after less than a day! It's a cliche, but time is a great healer, and in time you will remember your aunt and all the happiness you brought each other. Talk to other members of the family about how you feel, don't bottle things up - it's the worst thing you can do.

Answer 5

Lisa, I am very, very sorry for your loss. Just today, I found out that a friend committed suicide today because he just couldn't live with his cancer anymore. I am still in shock. He was a good person and we all knew he was suffering but we never dreamed it would come to this.

The thing is that both your aunt and my friend are no longer going to suffer. Some forms of cancer can be very, very painful. Some forms leave the person weak and tired. Some treatments can be painful and leave the person weak and tired.

They're in a better place now. I truly believe that there is a God and a Heaven and that, some day, we will all be reunited in Heaven with our family and friends as long as we're not evil people. I even believe people who commit suicide out of pain and despair go to Heaven, that God understands their suffering and their mental state, and that He forgives them for despairing.

Your aunt loved you and your family. I'm sure she wished that she could stay with you longer but it's not our decision, it's in God's hands, and we don't know why He lets these things happen.

Maybe someone reading this will think "Gosh, I've been having pain in my liver area and I should see a doctor" and, by doing that, will live longer than they would have if you had never posted your question. In a way, your aunt's death might help save other lives.

Maybe this happened because God wants you or someone in your family to become a doctor or scientist and discover the cure for liver cancer.

I don't know the answers. I do know how it hurts to lose loved ones, whether family or friends. I know nothing will stop the hurting but I do know that your aunt would want you to be happy, that she'd want you to not grieve her death but to, instead, celebrate her life.

What was it that you liked best about your aunt? Was she a happy person who smiled a lot? Was she quiet but very caring? Was she smart? Was she creative? Whatever was good in her can live on in you and the others in your family.

My grandfather on my mother's side died over 30 years ago, when I was a little girl, and I still miss him but I have a lot of him in me and it makes me proud when relatives say that I'm just like him. My mother's mother died over 30 years ago, too, but I think of her every day because my mother is just like her. My father died December 31st of last year, it's been less than a year, and I still sometimes cry because he died and we didn't think he was that sick but I am glad that we had so many good years together and that he taught me so many important things, things that I can now share with others.

Share with others the best of your aunt. Remember her and honor her by doing all the good things that she did for others.

Answer 6

I lost my grandmother 4 months ago. She had been sick for a long time, but no one is ever prepared for it when it does come to that time. It is okay to grieve. The funeral will be very very difficult. Just remember it is okay to cry and it will take a very long time before you will come to terms with what happened. I think of my grandmother everyday. She was doing okay and started having trouble breathing, went into the hospital Friday at 9pm. She ate when she got there was very talkative and eating and she slipped away at 7:30am on Sunday. I cry almost everynight about it but I know it's okay and I know I'll see her again some day.

Answer 7

Grieve for your autie, if you want to cry, then go ahead and cry, let your feeling out and dont bottle them up.
I lost my dear nan in April this year to stomach cancer, i still think of her every day and miss her so much.
cancer is such a terrible death, but do try to remeber your auntie pre cancer and dont feel you are alone in your suffering.
time is a great healer, you will never forget your auntie and you will aways have your happy memories, try and focus on this now.
best of luck to you

Answer 8

you poor thing. its gonna hurt for a while and u know it will - the hurt will never go away its just a question of managing the pain and hurt. it could take a while. i lost my parents years and years ago and i still feel pain.

its normal to feel like u do absolutely normal. you just have to take one step at a time - the next step is the funeral - take your time and grieve as you know how dont hold back. things will ease in time i promise. i wish you well.

Answer 9

hi Lisa my heart goes out to you its early days i know but it does get easier i lost my dad when i was 24 yrs then my mum when i was 27yrs thought my life was over but believe me you will get there its so so hard i wont lie but you need time talk with friends and family think about the good times i know you feel cheated but in time you will come to terms with it no words can help at this moment in time but my mum said to me when she was dying that there is someone worse than me people are nursing babies that are going to die i have had 63 years and its not what i wanted to but its true time is a great healer god bless you Lisa hope this helps to know that your not alone !! lost my mum to cancer also

Answer 10

This is a very sad time for you and it seems like it will last for ever, but it won't. With time some of the sadness will fade but not all of it if you loved her a lot. A loved one is never far from your thoughts. And they will always be in your heart. Keep her memories alive with all the thoughts of the good times you probably had. SORRY for your sadness.