I'm leaving my husband and need to hear it's ok?

Question

I've been married eight years, and haven't been attracted to my husband since a few months into it. We've argued and theorized and tried to figure out why over the years...now I've come to the conclusion that I just don't like who he is. We married so young and I didn't know what I wanted in a man. He treats me good, makes good money, loves me, and is very driven to achieve his goals. But he's been obviously unhappy our whole marriage, and he says it's because he hasn't reached the level of personal success he expected to. I'm happy with simple things, no "success" needed, and I despise him for not being the same. I can't make him happy, and I don't think this is something he can change, it's part of his personality. Am I an idiot for leaving a "good" thing because there's no passion? We've always been good friends. Does anyone think it's possible to get that passion back if you dislike someone's character? I will be going to therapy, but I am afraid my mind's made up...

Thanks to everyone, it's good to get some other perspectives on this.
Just to clarify:
We have no communication issues, we talk about everything and are very honest with each other. The lack of passion has been discussed openly, and we've tried many ways and many times to bring it back. He's still into me, but I am repulsed by him.
We have sat down and talked about the things he does that bother me many, many times, he either won't acknowledge them or agrees to change then doesn't.

I am agnostic after being a born-again christian for many years, so "God's will" has no bearing on my situation, sorry christians. I think you're all fooling yourselves so I can't take your advice to heart.
I am still planning to going to therapy with him and as individuals, and trying to make it work. I just don't have much hope. I really wanted to know if anyone has rekindled a sexual attraction to someone after it died due to of lack of respect for someone's overall outlook on life and priorities.

Answer 1

do not make up your mind until you have had counseling alone or together. That will give you clearer idea of what is going on with you and him. It sounds like there are a lot of good qualities in your relationship, this sounds like you deserve to at least say that yes I have tried to the best of my ablities to see if this can work and I can walk away knowing that I gave it by best. If you can do that then by all means move on and learn from yours and his mistakes in this union. Good Luck

Answer 2

It isn't always greener on the other side of the fence.
No matter who you are with in life, it will need time and work.
The degree of love and passion changes through the years.
That is normal.
If you leave now, you will not have the opportunity to see it come back. And it could very well come back.

What you don't realize is that there are down slopes in marriages through the years. You have to find a way to get through them. They are the tough times.
Things do change and mellow out.
It cannot all be highs, but it would be nice.
You both have something....a friendship, and intmate friendship.

Most counsellors these days, rather encourage people to leave.
They are not realistic. Unless he is abusing you in some way, you should stay.
Find some way to get through it. Don't over anylaze what it should be or shouldn't be. Just be his wife. Be loving. Be supportive, be strong and spend time together.
Everyone is getting divorced to fast.
No one really knows anymore how rewarding it is to go through life with someone till the end and tell about it anymore.

They say you become as one.
It is truly a beautiful experience so I hear.

Answer 3

The only time it is permissible to divorce your spouse is when there was adultery commited. Any other reason and it isn't okay. I'm sure that a marriage would be hard without the passion but I believe with some counceling and some real heart to heart discussion between you and your husband (on what would make things better) then you'll both grow a lot closer. Maybe you should suggest that he receive some therapy of his own on his issues with not being "successful" enough.

Answer 4

No - it's not okay by me.

If I'd have given up my troubled, challenging, and occasionally painful marriage after 8 years I would have missed out on discovering that I am actually with the greatest woman that has ever lived. I would have missed us discovering who we are individually and together. I would have missed the increase in the quality of communication between us. I would have also missed our sex life being transformed to a level neither of us would have believed possible. We went through work and pain and are reaping the benefits. We've now been married over 18 years and are looking forward to the next 20 with a smile.

So if you want to give up then give up, it sounds like you already have. But you know what - it's your responsibility. My wife and I married young. That's no excuse. You are who you are.

Nothing of value - nothing worth having - is easy. And I think we as a society give up far too easily these days.

FP

Answer 5

I too have been married 8 years. I got married pretty young. I guess the question I would have to ask you is "What about ur promise you made to ur husband?" You need to find the passion. Trust me there is plenty of passion in ur husband you just have to find it. You and ur husband can both achieve ur personal goals being together. You just want to have to want it enough. I would give my all to make this marriage work. You just don't to regret anything. Most people I talk to, end up regreting ending there marriage. Just talk to a counsler. You will get there opinion and have a different look at things. Best wishes...

Answer 6

I am confused. Did you not know you husband for very long before you got married? Has his character changed? You say you haven't been attracted to him since a few months after you married. Why did you wait so long to address this? I love my husband for who he is good and bad. We all have flaws and I'm not gonna get stuck up on my husbands cause I know I have some of my own. If I can get through years of a husband that had no responsibility to anyone but himself and only worked half the time, I can't give you permission to leave yours when he is admittedly "good to you".

Answer 7

Yes, I think it's possible to get that passion back. Love is not a feeling, love is an action. You choose to love just as you choose to get up in the morning. You have to work at love, it takes time. So many people today think that love is that "tingly feeling inside." If you broke your leg would you just cut it off? NO, you would go to the doctor and go through therapy to make sure that it heals properly. I'm not sure if you are a Christian or not, but God can help make marriages work. It was in his plan that the two of you were married and unless your husband committed adultery, it is wrong to divorce him. I'll pray for you!

Answer 8

You sound like the kind of woman who will NEVER be happy. You should leave him, for his sake not yours. He deserves soooo much better that a self-centered, self-absorbed princess. You have NO idea how lucky you are to have a man who is willing to work hard. You say you are happy with the simple things - ha! You'll see! Money isn't everything, but when you end up with a man who isn't financially responsible and you are struggling, you will be kicking yourself in the as s. Good luck with that! You need to grow up before you get into another relationship.

Answer 9

Well- try to seduce him. GO on "many first dates with him. Do little thigns you would normally not do. Search the web for tips to seduce and win his love again. Is he a boring person?? if he is. Plan a trip wtih him somewhere you haven't gone before. You're not worried about money or anything being with him but- being with the next guy you might. I think you should work your problems out. Why ddi you mary him anyway?

Answer 10

first of all open your mind or pack your bags and save the therapy money. STop being weak and tell him what you need from him and be willing to do what he asks of you. You made a commitment to each other now it's time to live up to that commitment, Nothing worth while in life is ever easy.