My fiancee and I have been together 4 years, always splitting the bills evenly even though he makes more than me. Now we have a baby boy and I can't afford to give him all my money cause of our new baby expenses. He thinks I should find another job but I work at the baby's daycare with great hours and ok pay but a great discount on child care. Is he wrong for charging me? Or am I wrong for thinking a man should do anything he can to take care of his family?
2006-10-05 08:24:18 · 22 answers · asked by Amy Rie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The two of you are now three, a family - married or not doesn't matter. You all live under the same roof, eat from the same kitchen, etc. What is the best situation for your child? Unless of course this child is only your own!! Look at the big picture of creating the family environment for all of you. A man in love and pride for the woman of his choice who he has choosen to create another human being with, will wantingly ensure he does all that he can to provide the best. In turn, so are you, striving towards being the best woman, wife and mother. It is possible in my opinion that he simply needs an attitude adjustment and that could happen when you share and ask him what the bigger picture is of what the two of you have already created and where you will both be taking it to.
2006-10-05 08:37:40 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you live with the man, you've been together for 4 years and have a kid, all your money should be shared. There's no reason for you to split the bills, or even for him to tell you to get another or different job. That's just wrong. I would put your foot down and tell him that you're not going to give him money for all the bills, and that if he wants to play that game, he can take care of all the expenses for the baby instead of you.
2006-10-05 16:00:12 · answer #2 · answered by kelli 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
to me, sharing family expenses, is a good thing, but they should be diveyed up according to wages. If he makes more then he should be responsible for the higher bills, and you to take care of the baby expenses, since i get the impression he doesnt seem to have the reality of the situation just yet. He helped make that baby, and should be responsible for it. Since things have changed in the income area and out going area, how it's paid should be changed too. You pay what you can, and he should see that help and appreciate it. I'm sure the bills have increased, since you now have diapers and formula to buy. If you found a better paying job, but the day care expenses went up, then its not an improvement money wise. Does he spend good time with his child? Does he get up in the middle of the night and feed and change the little tyke? If not, then he's not taking his "daddy" role very seriously. Besides, how much time you get to spend with your son, mothering him, reflects on how well the child will grow. Keep doing what you can to help with the expenses and get your husband a second job if he slacks!!
2006-10-05 15:37:05 · answer #3 · answered by foxxy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG,,,,He should be paying more of the bills than you! This makes me sick. Why is he doing that?
You should only be paying 25 percent ...IF even that much...
He is wrong for charging you..
Raising a child is a job in itself and you have a great job being able to work at the daycare..
If i were you i would expect he pay ALL of the bills...And you take care of groceries and household/Child expenses.
2006-10-05 15:28:51 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should have done two things before you had a baby: 1) discussed how the extra expenses a baby would incur would be handled, and 2) married. Given that your mistakes are behind you, I don't see the problem. Keep giving him the money you can afford to give him, and do not apologize. Tell him, "You should have thought about the change in expenses before you got me pregnant. But WE have a baby now, and you're just going to have to get used to paying for more." Don't get mad, just state it matter-of-factly.
2006-10-05 15:32:53 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why are you giving him your money? If he makes more, hes being pretty selfish by suggesting that you get another job. With the one you have now, the baby gets discounted daycare and you are still able to keep an eye on him. Thats a big plus.
This guy is waaay to tightfisted. Theres a difference with being financially thrifty and just being a cheapskate.
2006-10-05 15:28:34 · answer #6 · answered by JC 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My sister is in the same exact situation and both of you are so foolish.
I'm getting married next year and we will put our checks (I make a lot more than she does) in the same account and then we pay our bills from that account. That's what a marriage is.
Why are you guys getting married? Your acting like roommates with benefits.
Tell him that you want one account and that you pay the bills from that account. Having a baby before you talk about money, religion, jobs, where you'll live, etc... is irresponsible.
Take care of this or your going to be in for one heck of a terrible ride. He cares about his money more than he cares about you and the kid. Don't be a fool. You guys shouldn't be married.
2006-10-05 15:28:06 · answer #7 · answered by Ice4444 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Is he spending time taking care of the baby? If not, the time you spend taking care of the baby should be taken into consideration. You can't be expected to work long hours, if you are caring for the child.
The bigger issue is why would you stay engaged to someone who views your relationship as business, rather than a true partnership?
2006-10-05 15:30:11 · answer #8 · answered by Twinkle 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes he is wrong! You have a child now and if you are living together than all of your money should be counted as one income. If you are not living together than he should realize that he makes more and that the money for the baby has nothing to do with what he wants.
2006-10-05 15:27:10 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
The baby takes precedent, he needs to help pay for the expenses of the child. He needs to grow up and get serious about being a father to his child including the marriage or get out and pay you child support.
2006-10-05 15:29:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋