What should I do?

Question

I am married and am talking to another man. I wouldn't say I love this man, but I do care about him and we like to spend time together. He knows I am married but he is still interested in me. My marriage has been very rocky for the last couple of years and it helped to have someone to talk to. My husband just found out about this other man and although he was very upset he is now trying to work things out and work through the problems we have had leading to this. He has been telling me how much he loves me and doing things he used to do when we fell in love. I see that he is making an effort and that means a lot to me, but I can't feel that passion and love within myself. Should I stick it out and wait to see if things truly work out and those feelings return or should I tell him I don't feel those feelings anymore?

Answer 1

You don't say how long you've been married but I suspect it's been some time. It sounds like you hubby may have been clueless to the slow demise of your marriage. Either that or just really didn't think it was as serious as it was and now that he realizes he could lose you, he's doing what he can to make things right. I'm sure he's hoping it's not "too little, too late". You did love him when you married him right? You did marry him and agree to a lifelong commitment right? Sometimes, escpecially after years of a rocky relationship, you can feel very "dead" and therefore drawn to anyone who shows some respect, caring, general consideration and interest which can complicate things and allow you to feel like there's no hope left for your marriage or no feelings left because the feelings for this new person are exactly that, new. Like maybe how you felt when you first starting dating your husband. I say, if your husband has seen the light and is making an effort to rectify things even in light of your "relationship" with this other man, give your marriage the chance it deserves. Tell this other man you can no longer see him. I'm sure that'll be tough as you're probably afraid you'll be giving up the possibility of happiness (the grass always seems greener on the other side but rarely is) for what, in past experience, has been disappointing and unfulfilling. Giev your marriage and your husband 100% of yourself. Honestly try. If it ends up not working out, you know you've given it your all. And, if the other guy is still around at that point (if it ever comes), and still is interested then it was meant to be. If not, wasn't meant to be anyway. P.S.- These books might help...."Light His Fire" and "Light Her Fire" by Ellen Kreidman. They are excellent books. You can probably get the books at the library or any book store but here's the link to her website too.
http://www.lightyourfire.com
Best of Luck to you.

Answer 2

Honey, if the feeling's gone, it usually doesnt come back. If you were happy, then this other guy would never have "happened". If you want to also make an effort, then i suggest you and your husband try doing things like you used to together when you were first dating, and you feel in love with him. But in order to do this with all your effort, the other guy must go, no contact between you two at all!!! At least if you try this way, you will have given it your all, and wont look back on it in the future and go "what if". Besides, being married, you dont solve your problems by talking to someone else, unless they are professionals. Your problems can only be fixed by the two people involved in them, meaning you and your husband.

Answer 3

I would tell him and try to work it out. I have been in your shoes before, only I do love this other man, still to this day. I will always love the other man, but my hubby and I have been together for years. We have 3 beautiful kids together. And just when I wonder why I didnt go after the other man, my hubby does something that blows my mind and reminds me how much I really do love him. I would say try and work things out. A good friend once told me that you would regret it more if you didnt try then you would if you did try. I took that to heart and I believe it still to this day. If things dont work out I always know I have that other person to talk to, no matter what. Even if I dont hook up with the other guy, I still have him to talk to.

Answer 4

Well if your husband is making an effort to resolve the issues then by all means give him a chance. Trust me the grass always looks greener on the other side. Its not!!! Your married and he deserves you to put an effort as well. Stop talking to this other man and put all that energy into your family. Go to church and talk to a professional about ways to help you out.

Answer 5

He's making the effort to repair any damage to the marriage. Especially since you were the catalyst to start all of this by your secretive and sneaky ways.
You have an obligation to stick it out. Sounds like you won't though. In fact...it sounds as though your husband is doomed to fail before he starts because you have this other clown on your mind.

If I had any advice it would be to your husband to kick you to the curb and enjoy life with someone who really cares about him. In the meantime..carry on. It'll come back to haunt you in the longrun. By then...it'll be too late.

Answer 6

How might you comply with teachings that you just think "are improper"? Does Buddhism coach to comply with a direction of deception? Is that what your dad and mom desire - so that you can faux to be anything you're now not. Will that lead them to comfortable? I suspect now not, but when they're relatively that egocentric, then the unhappiness is more often than not extra manipulation than actual. If you think and fully grasp the gospel of Christ, why could you reject such an outstanding salvation? God has paid this kind of top rate to make sure your salvation. Why reject what you think to be actual? Perhaps God will use your salvation to carry your dad and mom to Himself.

Answer 7

well i think you should always give your marrage another chance.
You shouldnt be talking with other men tho.Give it one more chance ok???????????