I am soo frustrated. My Husband has a low sex drive, and I feel like crap because of it. There have been times when its not bad, around 5 or 6 times a month, which I can deal with, that would be great, but then we can go once a month or less. We had sex last on Sept 23, and we are 'supposed' to be trying for a baby. I ovulate this weekend and I know we are going to have sex this weekend, but I wanted a little action this morning, got shot down. Its always only when he feels like it. NOthing I can do will turn him on unless he is in the mood. I have tried various lingerea, sent him underwear pics of myself(I am attractive so thats not it) I am getting so angry about it, I just layed down with him to nap(he is on nights) and I had to get up because I was just getting soooo mad. Why can't he put forth more of an effort. I try to be considerate of his drive, and try not to bug him too much, but where is the comprimise on the other side. HOw do I get him to step it up!!!??
2006-10-05 07:59:27 · 21 answers · asked by shrimpseys 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Oh ya, and he had no problems with masturbating, which I don't get, he does that fairly regularly, and says, its not a sexual thing. And he is not gay, I know that for sure
2006-10-05 08:00:33 · update #1
He is not a cheater, I also know this for a fact, he works and comes home, always, we are always together, and its just not his character, he has no respect for cheating....me aswell
2006-10-05 08:05:07 · update #2
Its not the baby thing, we are very happy and have a 2 year old. We wan tone more and then we are done. This has been an ongoing issue, pretty much our only issue on and off for 2 years. He goes through "spurts" I guess. Soooo frustrating, cause I have a high sex drive. I'd like it everyday, but I can comprimise, we were supposed to have it he initiates 3 times a month and I initiate 3 times a month, which worked really well for a while, I was satified, but over the last 4 or 5 months, that deal has kinda slipped
2006-10-05 08:12:51 · update #3
I understand your frustration, but you sound too angry to get near, much less have sex with. Take a deep breath and relax.
Once the two of you decided to have a baby (which, first of all, I hope you BOTH decided you wanted a child, not just one of you), did you notice a decrease in his drive then? Has it always been low? He may be feeling under the gun to "perform". Maybe you shouldn't try so hard, and just relax. I know your frustrated, but it can't be any fun for him. If the situation were reversed, would you be inspired to make love to you or would you feel like you were being pressured constantly. With most things in life, the more you pressure someone, the more they resist. Lingerie, photos, whatever, won't work because you're forcing these things on him, and he's resisting.
Even though you're trying not to bug him too much, he knows how you really feel and has picked up on your vibe. Do you just ever lay in bed and cuddle? Have you thought about touching him in a non-sexual way, just so you can both enjoy touch? It would probably relax him. The next time he begins to masturbate, ask him if you could join him. Not touch him, but you masturbate while he's masturbating.
The first thing I would do is CALMLY ask him how he feels about having sex so you can become pregnant. Ask him how he feels about becoming a father, and keep an open mind to whatever answer you get. If he's not ready to become a parent, then you have a whole new set of issues to deal with and it would explain his lack of interest. If that's not an issue, give him time to explain how he feels, what he would like for the two of you. Maybe ask him the questions and give him a day or two to think about it.
Try to calm down and allow an atmosphere where he feels he can open up to you. It's a start.
2006-10-05 08:21:57 · answer #1 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand exactly how you feel. My Boyfriend of 4 years is the exact same way. We only have sex when he wants too! And thats not very often. I've tried everything you pretty much have it sounds like. I felt really un-wanted and it made me feel like there was something wrong with me. Guys sometimes will get defensive when you attack their sex drive, but sometimes thats what it takes. It took us the biggest arguement of our entire relationship so far for me to say exactly how I felt about the situation. It worked for a while, sex all the time! But he may also be getting some else, not saying he is but it isnt uncommon in a situation like this...I even had to ask that question too. But maybe its a medical issue, whatever it is you need to just flat out ask him what is it that make him not want to have sex with you, because getting shut down all the time doesn't just suck it also makes you feel like **** and that something is wrong with you. Good Luck!
2006-10-05 08:19:15 · answer #2 · answered by amanda b 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
is he a older guy? sometimes after 40 the sex drive dose die down due to low testosterone levels. Maybe RETHINK this baby thing until you work on the marriage. I'm 28 weeks pregnant i know this pregnancy gets hard even with us having a great relationship. You don't want to mix a Lil baby into a unhappy home it's WRONG and unfair. Maybe the baby thing in general HAS BEEN what killed the sex drive he just don't know how to tell you he's not READY/.
2006-10-05 08:09:40 · answer #3 · answered by ally'smom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi I know what your feeling ....I went thought it myself with my ex boyfriend .... it's not easy and we would have sex if I was lucky every 5 to six months and I could not take it anymore I felt so frustrated I tried everything too I put on sexy clothes and nothing worked I had to let him go but we are still friends and we talk about it and I found out why he had no sex drive and I found out lots of women are having this problem ................ dose your husband jackoff a lot ? if yes that why they don't have sex they like it better then having sex they have more control and it's like a diction to them like drugs or alcohol they need help my ex would watch playboy tv and go on the net .... and jackoff all the time and I only saw him on the weekends at first I thought he was cheating on me because that never happened to me before today I am in a new relationship and I have lots of sex and I am much more happier i hope i was some help to u if u ever want to talk to someone that understands my e-mail adress is romanamphitheater@hotmail.com
2006-10-05 08:21:44 · answer #4 · answered by twohot1979 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My wife sounds like your husband. Only in her case, if I suggest doing it more frequently or with a little variety (other than the same position, same time of day, same room of the house, lights out always) she says I am being dirty or immoral. She inhibited by her good Christian upbringing I suppose. But I'm at a lose as to what I can or should do about it.
I feel your pain! Best of luck with yours!
2006-10-05 08:08:26 · answer #5 · answered by Desiderata of Happiness 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Discuss it with him. Maybe yall need to go see a doc together. Maybe he is frusterated or upset about something that you dont know about. But it should not revolve around when he wants it. And hunny if he is jacking off, then he still has a sex drive, just not giving it to you, there are some underlying problems that you dont know about and yall need to talk. Good luck with that, I hope it gets better for you, I know it sucks.
2006-10-05 08:08:29 · answer #6 · answered by countrygirl66032 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Turn the tables - Next time he wants it, let him know how it feels, turn him down. Naw, I'm only being 1/2 serious, only because that's something I would do. BUt for real - tell him you feel that the only time yall get intimate is when HE is in the mood - tell him how it makes you feel. Communication is really important - and in a way it would seem it's a control thing.
2006-10-05 08:06:20 · answer #7 · answered by Ma'êšeeonáhe 2 · 1⤊ 3⤋
i think you're probably focusing on it too much. try not to overthink it, that's not sexy. let it just happen then maybe the two of you will fall into a natural rhythm.
don't put pressure on him that's a turnoff. But do tell him about what you like. Try having a sexy night without actually doing the deed... romantic dinner, music, candles, bath... kiss a little... but don't pressure him to do anything if he's not in the mood.
also, i remember when we were trying to get pregnant. that was i think the most "unsexy" sex we had. sorry. i hope it gets better.
2006-10-05 08:05:31 · answer #8 · answered by goddess1 2 · 0⤊ 3⤋
If he had a choice would he choose masterbation over you? It sort of sounds like this is the case. Let him have his hand, and don't give it to him when he is "in the mood".
2006-10-05 08:15:55 · answer #9 · answered by rhonda h 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bummer he sounds selfish. Hindsight is a motherf*cker huh? There seems to be no comprimise. he got everything he wants and now he knows he can get it when he wants. well, go on strike. Stop cooking or doing his laundry until you get a compromise. Two can play his game. When he realizes he might have to start taking care of himself, giving you some booty might not sound too bad.
2006-10-05 08:04:34 · answer #10 · answered by l'il mama 5 · 0⤊ 3⤋