I am almost 30 years old with 2 daughters and have recently met the man I have comvinced myself did not exist. I love him, in love with him and will be beside him no matter what. He has a few legal problems and has been oin rehab and clean for a year. I am currently living at home (mom and dads) but we have the desire to go ahead and marry, and to keep it to ourselves until our court issues are over..I also have a child support/custody case that has been going on for over a year and is about over..HELP!!
2006-10-05 07:42:07 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Why go off if you know already he is the one? What is the big deal one waiting til you both can do it in front of your children,family and friends! If you have to hide how disrespectful that would be to your children and parents!
2006-10-05 07:49:43 · answer #1 · answered by Proud MOM 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are too many open ended issues between the 2 of you right now...best advice is to wait till there are no issues left to be reconciled. Marriage is a great undertaking to begin with, why add all the extra baggage to it? If you truely love each other, then waiting till the major issues are solved will not make a difference except for the best. Besides, i'd advise living together first for awhile to be sure things will be good, before you marry. Being married myself 2ce, i've learned it's easier to pack up and leave when not married, than it is to disolve a marriage if things dont work out. A trial living situation, is the best thing i've ever done, gives you a chance to work the bugs out before commiting totaly to the "walk down the aisle". Besides, if you marry before your support/custody issue is over, and they find out...you could forfeit anything you'd hope to gain. Things done in a secretive manor, always have a way of coming out when you least need them to. Better to be up-front from the beginning and not have unwelcome surprises later.
Good Luck with whatever you decide to do!
2006-10-05 14:59:00 · answer #2 · answered by foxxy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not that getting married is a bad thing, but it can be a stressful thing. I wouldn't add fuel to the fire with the legal troubles, & court issues. A wedding, joining of 2 lives to become one, is a joyous thing and should be celebrated by all that love you.
Plus, neither of you want to pull each other into one anothers court issues. As husband and wife, whatever the court issues are, it can get you both possibly in trouble.
My father did this when he got married for the 3rd time. I didn't even know he was seeing anyone, but I was hurt that I wasn't included in it. He is still my father, and I would have really liked to have been there.
2006-10-05 14:48:44 · answer #3 · answered by Anne Marie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So you want to lie about something as meaningful and as sacred as marriage? This sounds like a good way to start your life together???
I worry about a woman who "recently meets" a man who is too good to be true and declares she'll stand by him "no matter what" while knowing he's a former drug addict, has legal issues and meanwhile has yet to resolve her own family legal issues.
The fact that you want to sneak behind everyone's back and get married makes you sound like you need a reality check. What's your rush? Date him for a year first and have a proper wedding after you both clean up your messes.
2006-10-05 14:48:58 · answer #4 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A "few" legal problems? In rehab and clean for a year. Maybe that's because it's part of the condition of his "legal problems".
Try thinking of the kids before yourself. If you're smart you'll wait. There's no rush. If you don't...well...see you here asking "What should I do" next bout.
2006-10-05 14:57:36 · answer #5 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I did this and everyone involved was disappointed.I was sad in hindsight for shortchanging myself with a lesser wedding than I wanted,and my loved ones missed the opportunity to give me grief or share my joy,I robbed them of the choice.I'd say wait until you feel comfortable that your court issues are resolved,as well as placing more of a priority on your daughters feelings.They do not want all of the ensuing conflict,nor deserve it.Good Luck!!
2006-10-05 14:53:37 · answer #6 · answered by maykithapin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The smart thing for you to do, is wait!! Why not wait until you live in your own home? Why not wait until all the legal issues are out of the way.
If it's true love, he nor you will be going anywhere, so why marry now?
2006-10-05 14:47:44 · answer #7 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't get married yet. I know you might think that its right but honestly you might be jumping into something that you will regret later. I am not doubting that your man is a good man, but he should definitely get himself straightened out before you marry him. If he has legal problems those problems will eventually be yours, if he doesn't take care of them. Also your parents will be disappointed if they found out you got married behind their backs. Wouldn't you want to share something like this with your friends and family, even if they don't agree? Where are you going to live? Does he work? How are you two going to support each other and your two kids? You don't want to bring a man to live in your parents house. I think you should be careful and find out who your man really is before you get married to him.
2006-10-05 14:50:13 · answer #8 · answered by Rica 82 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Get yourself established first. Give him some time to be clean . You shouldn't have to keep it a secret. That is letting you know it's not right for right now. You have kids to think about and be careful who you bring into their lives.
2006-10-05 15:18:37 · answer #9 · answered by BB'sMom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suggest waiting until all of the issues are cleared up. I see several "red flags" going up on this relationship especially if you get married now.
2006-10-05 15:17:41 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋