On self confidence & building self esteem...am I an Oxymoron?

Question

Anybody some advice on how to build self esteem & self confidence. I wouldn't say that I am a depressed person, neither do I suffer from social anxiety...(I have no problem talking to strangers) I would say that I am very self consumed & that I don't believe in myself or in what I say...for instance I always feel a need for a cosigner on my decisions (I like when people agree with me) What I mean is I don't want someone else to make my decision but I need someone to confirm that my decision is the right choice or else I will feel uncomfortable...so I say I think I lack self confidence. I love approval more so then average people I think. Why is it that when music comes on & everybody starts dancing I feel shy & uncomfortable dancing as well (now was I by myself I would go all crazy lol) Strange thing when I go out to a club (which I do) I love to dance & look good (I feel like a Diva lol) am I an oxymoron? I need a book about this any suggestions? I don't want to grow old & turn into the cat lady...

Answer 1

I'm the same way and it's gotten better as time goes on. I think it's all a matter of growing and truly not caring what others think (which is really hard and I'm still learning how to do it). New experiences will help you with this and eventually you'll make a decision without having others validate your choice and you'll be able to finally take a deep breath and feel good about it. Take some risks and try it.

Answer 2

It sounds like you are a approval addict, you need other people to validate you. 80% of the population are toxic negative people they will tell you things lik youcanntyou wont and dont even try it. These people are your family, friends and co-workers. In order to build healthy self esteem is by goal setting and achieving these goals, you start with a 24hr goal then a 1 week goal following a 30 day goal. When you reach your goal you get a feeling of pride, this a a form of self esteem. Self esteem is a inside job. When you suceed in your goals make sure you always reward yourself by getting your nails done or just doing something for yourself. Another way to build self esteem is by doing kind things for other people like assisting a elderly lady out of the shopping center with her grocerys or opening a door for someone. And make sure you build other people up with possitive affirmations. The more positive you put into this world you will see you recieve positive back, and this will help..

Answer 3

Building Self-Esteem - A 125 day Program by Glenn R. Schiraldi

New Guide Helps Individuals Build Healthy Self-Esteem

People with healthy self-esteem experience less stress, anxiety and depression. They tend to enjoy life more and perform better, too. Now a new guide, Building Self-Esteem: A 125 Day Program, helps individuals develop this personality trait that is so essential to mental and physical well-being.

The Building Self-Esteem program described in this book:

Guides individuals through twenty essential skill-building exercises, each explained clearly and completely in a no-nonsense, easy-to-read style.
Impacts all essential levels related to self-esteem: thoughts, images, emotions, physical health, body image, and behaviors.
Is based on sound research and principles. For example, self-esteem is defined as a realistic, appreciative opinion of self which is built upon an accurate sense of worth, unconditional love and acceptance, and constructive growth. The program does not develop an inflated ego or encourage unrealistic "positive thinking."
Combines here-and-now skills with skills that heal wounds from a difficult past.
Includes a variety of effective teaching approaches, reflections, illustrations, experiential learning and rich anecdotes.
Benefits all who are functioning well and want to enhance life quality. Also very useful for those coping with stress, anxiety, depression, eating disorders, troubled relationships, anger, abuse and many other difficulties. Essential resource for mental health professionals.
Contains Self-Esteem Checkup which allows readers to gauge progress (see sample questions below).
Instructs participants in developing a sound physical health plan for eating, exercise, and sleep--because these profoundly impact self-esteem.
This book is an outgrowth of the Stress and the Healthy Mind course, which was piloted at the University of Maryland. The program enhanced mental well-being in adults across a wide range of ages and life experiences.


What Others Are Saying

"The book is excellent. We are already using it in our self-esteem presentations! Well done and many thanks... It's one of the first and finest self-esteem resource guide books to offer in-depth information in a grounded, useful way."
-Jacqueline Miller, Maryland Governor's Task Force on Self-Esteem

"As a former legislative aide to John Vasconcellos and the Self-Esteem effort, I found the book to be practical and impactful in its suggested activities. It can enlighten the thinking and enrich a person's experience of their own self-esteem."
-Andy Michael, Aid to Assemblyman John Vasconcellos, California Task Force on Self-Esteem

"Certainly appropriate for continuing education of counselors. The material is current and well organized. "
-Thomas W. Clawson, Executive Director, National Board of Certified Counselors


Sample Questions from "The Self-Esteem Check-up"

Completing the Self-Esteem Check-Up found below will give you a starting point from which to measure your progress. Taking the check-up will also begin to reinforce some of the goals of this book. Furthermore, it is comforting to realize that you already possess some measure of self-esteem to build upon. There is nothing tricky about this check-up, so just relax and be as completely honest as you can.



THE SELF-ESTEEM CHECK-UP*

Rate how much you believe each statement, from 0-10. 0 means you completely disbelieve it. 10 means you think it is completely true. Then total your scores.
Rating
1. I am a worthwhile person. ______
2. I am as valuable as a person as anyone else. ______
3. I have the qualities I need to live well. ______
4. When I look into my eyes in the mirror I have a pleasant feeling. ______
5. I don't feel like a failure overall. ______
6. I can laugh at myself. ______


*Mean score for adults is 43. The total scale, which consists of twelve items, correlates r=.67 with the Rosenberg Self-Esteem Scale, r=-.60 with Beck Depression Inventory, and r=-.54 with the Zung Anxiety Scale. From Schiraldi, G.R. (1999). Building Self-Esteem: A 125 Day Program. Ellicott City, MD:Chevron. ©1993,1999 Glenn R. Schiraldi. May only be reproduced with written permission of author.

Answer 4

Learn how to ride a motorcycle. After awhile you will ride 70-80mph like it's nothing. Then you can do whatever you want. If you don't want to do something -- it's because you choose not to; and not because of fear.

Answer 5

There are many people who would laugh at the possibility of altering their destinies. This is due to the fact that it believes that no one gets more that what is written in his destiny.