please help i need advice!?

Question

my husband and i have been together since i was 15. i am twenty now and we just moved to italy because he is in the military. i had to leave my family behind which was hard for me cause we are very close. i got a job here but i havent started yet, so i stay home all day. my husband is really mean to me because he makes all the money and i havent started working yet. everyday when he comes home from work he "inspects" the house to make sure i cleaned it good enough, and everyday he finds something wrong. he yells at me and tells me im a lazy slob and i would be no where with out a man to support me. he always puts me down. this is the fist time i havent worked since i was 16. i dont know what to do im so depressed! i just moved to another country with him and all he does is controll me! what should i do? he treats me like im worhtless! i want to leave but i cant its too expensive and im scared its not the right thing to do. please give me some advice

Answer 1

sounds like your husband is a real ***! why are you still there? talk to your family. if you are that close to them, they'll help you find a way home. you don't need to stay in a situation like that. there are much better men out there who will appreciate you and what you do.

Answer 2

First look for a job. If you cant find one send home to your family tell them you want to come home. Don't take no for an answer let them send you a ticket and you go home and get a job and live your life before you get pregnant and get even worse stuck than you are now.
I see abuse in this and its only going to get worse. Go back home. You are not running you are saving yourself before it is too late. You have no help where you are. No one to turn to and your husband is on a power trip. Leave him before he breaks you. You are crying not fighting which means its begun. Get out now before he starts using his fists instead of words to bring you down. I think he had it planned that way all along thats why he took you so far away from your family knowing how close you were. I'm sure he could have been stationed in an English speaking country where you wouldn't feel so alone. Get out now. Let your family help you. You know what you are going thru do you want to see how much worse it can get. If not go home. Thats an abuser you have on your hands. Run !!

Answer 3

Start working ASAP, start saving some money on the side, and get out of there! He is probably getting bullied at work, and he can't do anything about it there, so he comes home and takes his frustration out on you, and that's not the right thing to do.

In the meantime, start standing up for yourself. You know that you have cleaned your house to your satisfaction, so tell him so. Don't let him bully and harass you into feelings of worthlessness. When he starts yelling, you yell back, only louder. If he has a problem with the condition of your house, tell him to clean it. I was on vacation in Rome, Italy once, and let me tell you, that is a dirty city, (no offense to Italians. I loved the trip and the city of Rome, but it was dirty.) Get the number for the Italian polizia (?); if he puts his hands on you, USE IT. You CAN make it on your own, by yourself. Call your family and let them know what's going on.

There has to be an American Embassy you can turn to for help; I suggest you start there. Get a good stiff backbone and use it well. Good luck.

Answer 4

When you are in a relationship it's for love. It seems you are more scare than anything of him. That is not happiness and no one deserves to leave like that. Try to talk to him, let him know how you fill and if for some reason it dosent work. At least you know in your heart you tried to work things out. It seems you have no husband but a teacher instead, telling you what to do and when to do it. He is not letting you think with your own mind and is making you believe you are nothing without him. Know in your heart and mind you are someone and you are worth a lot!!! It seems he is insecure about himself and is trying to take it out on you. No one deserves to be treated so disrespectfuly!! You are very young and have a whole life ahead of you, think real clear of what you want to do with your life and don't be afraid of the challenge, you have the love and support of all your loved ones. I wish you all the best and remember you always come first and never let any man miss treat you, you deserve to have happiness and love in your heart..

Answer 5

Honeymoon's over. Been together since 15? You see why people who usually go to college or enter the workforce in a professional field take their time getting married? Ain't all roses and such like you thought it would be is it? And you did think it would be roses...didn't you?
You're stuck. Period. In a foreign country to boot. Boy oh boy....I don't know what to tell you. Of course....no one ever told you not to go through with this whole marriage thing did they? No? I find that hard to believe.

Chalk it up to life's hard lessons. This is a perfect example as to why you should think things out rather than enter into stuff with stars in your eyes.

No one can help you my dear. Except yourself. Not the American Embassy...not the Army....and unless your family sends you money for plane fare.....I'd start taking Italian lessons. Una lista per favor means "I'd like a menu please".

So....he has a what?....14 month tour? After that it's either back to the states to some God-forsaken place like Fort Hood Texas or some dump of a base like Ft. Bragg in North Carolina.

Good luck. You're going to need it.

Answer 6

Perhaps your family can help you find the fare to go back home. It sounds like your husband is really bad for you. You need to be around people who help your self esteem and family is usually the best for that.
Other than that I would say do no work in the house at all and get him to do it if he is that bothered about it and once you start work save hard to get a life of your own.

Answer 7

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a new result. In other words, if you expect anything different to happen, you have to do something different.

It seems to me that this is new behavior in an old relationship. If that's the case, it's probably related to the new duty station. Maybe he REALLY hates being in Italy and is displacing it on you.

Three choices come to mind.

One, you could talk to him about it.

Two, you could talk to his Commanding Officer about it (yes, you most certainly can, and it might get to the root of the real problem).

Three, you can just get on the next flight home.

You can try those in any order you're comfortable with, you don't have to choose just one.

Answer 8

Oh you need to leave as soon as you can. This situation is only hurting you. It sounds like your husband is completely selfish and insensitive. You deserve better than that. There are more men out there who could treat you better. Call your parents and have them help you get back to the states. Tell them your situation and get out as soon as you can. Do what's right for you. Life is too short to be stuck in a hole you can't get out of at your age. You'll soon realize that leaving was the best decision you ever made.

Answer 9

I would call on my family for help. It doesn't get any better I can just about promise you this. I have been there, but I invested 15 years before I figured that one out. Call your family surely with all they can help get you back. If you do leave go get some professional help cause a man like that works on the mind cause you are not worthless noone ever is. He is worthless so to make him feel better he makes you feel bad.

Answer 10

Make an appointment to talk with his company commander. I was an officer in the Army, and I know that this is a sure way to get the guy's attention! If you think it would be too harsh to go that route, the base should have an associated chaplain who can advise you and take steps to intervene. Both the people I mentioned will out rank your husband (assuming he's your age), so he will have to listen to them.