my self and my boyfriend went out last night and we got very drunk.when we got home he wasn't to have intercoures but i didn't.when i woke up in the middle of the night he was on p of my having intercourse with me in my very drunken state. ididn't let him no i was wake so he doesn't know i know.i think hes hoping i don;t know.i don't understand wether its rape because i didn't cosent to it or wether its not because he is my boyfriend.
the only thing i do know is i did say no when i first got into bed and i was woken up by him doing it about 3 hrs later.
any ideas whan i should do or do you think i should just leave it and write it off as a bad night out?
2006-10-05 06:11:51 · 37 answers · asked by kate_gothic_slag 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
there is different types of rape but what ever it was its definetly a lack of respect from your boyfriend, and maybe tendancies to rape.
it all depends on how it has left you feeling, i suppoese it can be looked at both ways.
my boyfriend did it to me once, we were both 16, and had only been together a couple of months, i dont remember that we had been drinking, but i woke up and he was having sex with me, the next day i asked him about it and he said he couldnt remember doing it, i just thought nothing more of it, but maybe a bit hurt.
not long after that i was raped by someone, and left traumatised by it, (and over 5 years on im still trying to come to terms with it!), i stayed with my boyfriend, and not long after i was raped i moved in with him and he became violent soon after, i dont ever admit this but he also started forcing himself on me, usually as another way of punishing me, there is a chance maybe that the time i woke up with him on top of me was a warning sign that he would go on to rape me in the future, or it could be nothing.
most rapes are commited by someone we no, and is often a partner. question his actions and see if it was just a act of druckeness or something more.
BUT either way like i said its very disrespectful to treat you like that, drunk or not!
basicly i dont think its a matter for the police cos it would be hard to build a case on, the law is mest up on rape situations, but it is something to be courcious over, as soon as he shows any signs of violence, please leave him right away, before his actions become even more serious.
i left my boyfriend over 3 years ago now and am now married to someone who i met 10 months ago, but i have alot of trouble trusting him. i have allot of problems in my relationship and mainly cos of the rape when i was 16, but i no also what my boyfriend did effects me and my relationship aswell, just in different ways, and i think though i felt ashamed and guilty of the rape when i was 16, being raped by my boyfriend made me feel even more ashamed and to blame and that is why i never tell people, and think of myself as only being raped by one person.
dont ever let any man destroy your life, take care of yourself and keep a strong mind, dont let him ever make you think anything was your fault. every man is responsible for his actions.
good luck
if you want any other help understanding this, ring the "rape crisis" line, they will send you info in the post and talk with you over the phone, they are so nice and unjudgmental
p.s i never reported my boyfriend to the police for any of what he did, but i wish i did.
if you feel you need to report your, dont ever be afraid to
2006-10-08 06:09:09 · answer #1 · answered by sasha 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes it was rape, and I'm worried that you seem to think you should just write it off as a bad experience and carry on as though nothing happened!! Your boyfriend obviously has no respect for you whatsoever and if you had any sense you would dump the selfish jerk. He's obviously the kind of guy who puts his own needs before yours. If he asks why you're dumping him tell him you know exactly what he did that night and do so without feeling ashamed. Have some self respect and don't tolerate this blatant disregard for your wishes by anyone - even your boyfriend! Remember - you have done nothing wrong and have every right to be angry with what he's done. DO NOT let this lie! He could well think he can do it again.
2006-10-05 13:58:38 · answer #2 · answered by Helen B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said No, he didn't respect that. He waited till you were asleep and forced himself on you. Whichever way you look at it thats rape.
If thats what he's capable of and what you can expect from a relationship with him then get out now. Drunk or not he is responsible for his own actions, And despite what some w.ankers on here are saying it is not your fault for not fighting back. He'd already penetrated you before you woke and thats the end of it..
To Drumrb0y and Anthony P, you two have some serious issues. You're the reason rape victims have their knickers waved around in court. You both deserve to be locked up just because of your answers indicating what you're capable of.
To Shellysna and Denise W, if this is your idea of a normal relationship, i'd be very, very careful. I expect it from some men but you women make me sick..
Bunch of F.ucking W.ankers.
2006-10-08 04:13:48 · answer #3 · answered by Georgie's Girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did u talk to him, are u sure its not a miss understanding, maybe he passed out right after u, But if ur 100% sure that he did, than I guess we all agree its RAPE. and I would consider leaving him, u wouldnt want this guy as a boyfriend, if he dont respect u than hes not worth it. But I say just leave him - cause to tell u the truth u dont have a case for the court, u guys where both drunk and that might decrease ur chances of even making a case.
But think it through and be done with him..
2006-10-05 06:28:08 · answer #4 · answered by chinaz777 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In one since of the word it was rape. But when you woke up and he was having intercourse with you, you should have told him to get away from you right then and I would have been getting away from at the same time I was saying that instead of pretending that I was still asleep. So I guess you could say it is really 50 50. He should have had more respect for you than that.
2006-10-05 06:28:45 · answer #5 · answered by SapphireB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi there
I would say its not rape, there are a few reasons for this
1. When you woke up with your b/f on top of you, you say you pretended to be asleep, thus not stopping him mid thrust, this would insinuate consent and the rape claim would be thrown out
2. Due to there being some relationship between you and the accused it would be quite difficult to make it stand in a court of law
Hope this helps and also did you not notice your b/f when he first got 'on top' maybe ease up on the alcohol next time !!
2006-10-05 06:22:53 · answer #6 · answered by Sunny S 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
From your description it sounds like rape to me. There are support lines you can ring to talk it over. It is tricky becasue you don't sound as though you want to press charges and have him prosecuted; but on the other hand he needs a severe warning at the very least or he'll think it's acceptable. Perhaps you need to think about talking it over with the Police. They may be happy to go and see him and give him a warning it that's what you want. If you were both drunk it would be a very difficult thing to take to court, and very traumatic. On another (more traditional) tack, perhaps a few members of your family or friends would be prepared to warn him - non-violently.
2006-10-05 06:24:43 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Anytime ANYONE has sex with you without your consent, it is rape. However, because it's your boyfriend, you're gonna have to seriously sit down & think about what you want to do. If you really don't mind it, and it really didn't hurt you or anything, then let it go... but if it hurt you or if it really bothered you, and he's done something like this before, then maybe he's just not the best boyfriend for you... good luck whatever you decide!
2006-10-05 06:20:35 · answer #8 · answered by Jemmie Vee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am sorry to say this but it was rape in a court of law would say that to i don't think you should let him get away with it because at the end of the day you said NO and for him to do that while you are a sleep shows that he doesn't really care about if he did would he have done it i say go to the cops and dog that son b*!@? in and find some one who would never hurt you or let you down you deservse better best of luck
2006-10-06 00:15:58 · answer #9 · answered by Denver 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are very sad. This isn't rape. You didn't stop him when you realised it was happening, so you consented. If you were so keen of having no relationship with him, why didnt you go and sleep somewhere else? The other thing you can do is to stop drinking.
Grow up and stop blaming others for your own actions
2006-10-06 02:26:23 · answer #10 · answered by anthony p 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋