My husband has repeatedly been caught lying to me about talking to other women. He always has put the blame on me and never admitted that he was wrong. We are trying to work on our marriage but I find myself constantly wondering if he has changed. And advice for how to try to get over the past or can I>
2006-10-05 06:09:42 · 18 answers · asked by bamagrits84 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This is my situation exactly. My husband and I got in a big argument yesterday about this. We're still trying to work things out. He talks to girls on myspace and messanger and tries to hide it. It always gets turned around so it is my fault.
2006-10-05 06:38:48 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Read the first line you wrote "who has repeatedly". Now why in the world would you not expect he would do it yet again ?? Your only setting yourself up for more pain and suffering just like you did in the past. He will not change and he has already shown that to you. At this point its your fault for staying. Trusting someone who cant be trusted only brings hurt and paranoia into your world.
2006-10-05 13:13:23 · answer #2 · answered by JustMe 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The simple answer is you can't trust someone who has repeatedly hurt you. It sucks, but there will always be that nagging doubt in the back of your mind. In rare cases people can change, but it doesn't happen often. The best advice i can give you is trust you intuition, it is almost always right. Good luck!
2006-10-05 13:14:06 · answer #3 · answered by Jane D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't "trust" someone who repeatedly betrays your trust. It's a pattern that is nearly impossible to break. You can't "get over" the past because your gut's telling you "danger Will Robinson", and for a good reason. I think, just about the only way to get over is to fully accept that you will be lied to, and not let it bother you.
2006-10-05 13:28:40 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The sad truth is that you can't.
Its a done deal. You need to make a serious decision about your marriage now. The only way is if you both become Christians and start to love God more than each other. With God in your marriage, you form a three-fold chord that can't be broken.
2006-10-05 13:14:28 · answer #5 · answered by ilyena 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's something that will never happen unless your husband starts doing the right thing. Put your foot down. You don't deserve to be treated any kind of way. Your spouse will always try to make you out to be the bad guy. Don't blame yourself.
2006-10-05 13:13:48 · answer #6 · answered by fiestylady 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its sad to say that your trying will be in vain if he's gone to this extreme already. You should be thinking about how much of your time & effort you are willing to give up before letting go of trying to fix something that's completely shattered once the trust is removed from the relationship. Don't give up 31 yrs, that's too much time to waste on something you don't want to except.
2006-10-05 13:29:37 · answer #7 · answered by msthinkpositive 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Constant lying=No trust. Ever.
Its gone so don't work to get it back. Lying has become easy for him. He just ignores you and pushes the reasons he is lying onto you as the cause for his having to be untruthful.
If you even think it's gotten better...you're wrong. He's just become adept at keeping the truth from you.
See? It gets so much easier each and every time.
2006-10-05 13:17:32 · answer #8 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he has REPEATEDLY betrayed you, then chances are he won't change. The fact that he projects his deceit onto you shows he isn't accepting responsibility for or admitting to the fact that he is doing something wrong.
2006-10-05 13:18:49 · answer #9 · answered by missyhardt 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the lying has to stop. It sounds like he may be projecting his guilt onto you. He also needs to accompany you to marriage counseling. You also need to forgive yourself. you CAN get over the past! just take it a day at a time.
2006-10-05 13:14:29 · answer #10 · answered by leeanndemon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋