My husband had 3 kids from a previous marriage, his ex had 2 girls with 2 different guys, and then they had a son together. My husband adopted the 2 girls when they were still married, and now we have been married for a year and she asked if I wanted to adopt all 3 kids. We got everything done and final, and now I don't know if we should allow her to see or have contact with our 3 kids or not. The kids are the most important things in this not how we feel, but I just want to keep them from getting hurt thru all this. Before we even adopted them, we asked the oldest 2 girls how they felt about it, and they were totally for it!! telling everyone about the good news!! Which the girls have been thru it befor when my husband adopted them a few years ago, so they knew how it all worrked. I think that it was all just to keep her(the ex wife) from paying child support on the kids.
2006-10-05 06:03:38 · 10 answers · asked by Lisa S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Your question reminds me of something a friend's granddaughter once said when someone was looking at her son and the little girl's mother's wedding picture. The little girl said "that's the day me and my mommy married my daddy!".
They are your kids now & as their parents you have the right and the responsibility to keep them from getting hurt. I would let them see her as long as they seem to be happy. If they start to show signs of not wanting to be around her stop the visits. If you don't let them see her they may ask you in 10 years why they didn't get to see her.
She doesn't sound like much of a mother to just want to give her kids away. I hope she's been fixed. I do have to say that she has done the right thing though, at least she was kind enough, smart enough, to offer to let you have them.
2006-10-05 06:09:17 · answer #1 · answered by Michelle *The Truth Hurts 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would discuss it with your kids and let them tell you how they feel. Adoption is a legal paper. You're kids hearts and feelings are top priority. I would not force them to go if they are extremely upset about it. Gradually wean the children from their mother if you feel the need and gauge future visits on their reactions. Always let it be an open door for the kids whether they want to see her or not. They may go weeks, months without wanting to but then one day it turns to weekly. Telephone priveleges are just as important if they want their biological mom as a part of their life. No matter what do NOT ever wage an argument over their biological mother under any circumstance.
2006-10-05 06:12:29 · answer #2 · answered by Lisa W 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do what is in the best interest of the kids.
Regardless of whether or not the mom pays child support, the kids deserve the chance to know their mom if they want to. Don't try to turn the kids against her either. Let the kids make their own choices about this matter.
2006-10-05 06:06:50 · answer #3 · answered by michaelyoung_airforce 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you're unreasonable, seeing as how she's their mother and you haven't said she's awful. Yeah, she should see her kids if she's not awful. Tell her she needs to discuss it with the girls. Once a month or so seems reasonable for a woman who gave up her rights. Much like an aunt or friend-of-family, now.
2006-10-05 06:07:34 · answer #4 · answered by steelypen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the bottom line and main concern here should be " How do the kids feel about this?" Do they want to see their iological Mom? The smart thing to do would probably e to leave it up to the kids as theay are ultimatley the ones most affected by it.
2006-10-05 06:09:42 · answer #5 · answered by snoop_dougie_doug04 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's really up to the children in this situation because she's still their biological Mother..I think you shouldn't push the issue and let them decide, otherwise, problems will arise as they grow.
2006-10-05 06:06:36 · answer #6 · answered by LONG ISLAND GIRL 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
let the kids decide but watch her if you think there is a reason you shouldnt, and remember you do have custody of them now. you make the final say, she goes by your schedule not her own
2006-10-05 06:08:56 · answer #7 · answered by grace_lindsey143 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
let their mother to keep in touch with the daughters.After all she s their mother,the one who carried them for 9months 10 days.really it s a big sin if u try to separate them.bt if u allow them to c/meet their mother,oneday they will realise that u r the right mother for them.
2006-10-05 06:13:56 · answer #8 · answered by cute 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A MOTHER ALLOWED ANOTHER WOMAN TO ADOPT HER THREE CHILDREN
SHE CANNOT BE SANE - KEEP HER AWAY FROM THE KIDS
2006-10-05 06:09:04 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if shes not abusive or a threat to the kids then I dont see why not.
2006-10-05 06:07:35 · answer #10 · answered by Melia 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋