i have been with my fiance for 3 years engaged for 2 of them.. we have been bestfriends through school. are relationship as taken a turn for the worse. i love him to bits that will never change and he loves me so much its insane im the only girl hes ever been with. we are perfect as bestmates we get on so well, and have such a laugh but basically we are not compatable as a couple even thp we are in love. he constantly acuses me of liking other guys, he read my diary and my txts messages when i went out the room. i thought it best to end things even tho it would kill me i would miss him and his family so much but he wouldnt have any of it he just kept crying and begging making me feel guilty saying how much he loves me! i dont know what to do i cant stand loosing my bestfriend but i think that if we have problems like this now we shouldnt be getting married. im not strong enough to be blunt and just end things cuz i know ill miss him help me!!!
2006-10-05 06:00:10 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Please don't break off the relationship for the reason you mentioned -- it's just not worth it! So what if he doesn't trust you all the time? That doesn't mean you are not trustworthy, it means that he is insecure. So, help him. Say kind words. At unexpected moments, tell him of your love for him and your enduring faithfulness. AND, importantly, don't allow yourself to feel angry or upset at his lack of trust. Let it roll off your back and enjoy the relationship's mostly-good times. When he becomes accusing, don't get defensive, just kindly say, "I know you are feeling frightened, but you have nothing to worry about." If he tries to provoke you to anger, don't take the bait, just say calmly, "I'm not angry, because I have nothing to feel guilty about."
2006-10-05 06:08:10 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that you necessarily have to end the engagement, just put it off and have him seek some counseling for his low self esteem and self worth and also his trust issues. Then you both seek couples counseling. I think that you two love each other, but just have some issues to work on prior to the wedding, or if you don't very soon after your wedding you will be having a divorce. I think it is very wise of you to acknowledge the problems that you two have instead of just pretending that they will go away once you two are married as so many couples do. I think that if you two can work these issues out, then you will have a great shot at having a wonderful marriage and a long happy life together.
If you suggest the counseling and he resists, then just tell him that it is this or everything is called off, that you love him and want to be with him, but that you aren't willing to ruin the relationship with stupidity. You want it to work so you two must fix these problems then you two can have the happy life that you were meant to have. He can agree to the counseling or not, but then the choice is his?
2006-10-05 06:09:51 · answer #2 · answered by whatelks67 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How do you do it? Carefully.
But, there is no way that you can do it without some fallout, pain, etc on both parts.
Of course you will miss him and he will miss you, but...imagine going through with everything and realizing....yikes...I should have not done this. Believe me, I would want this to happen BEFORE being married.
If he truly is your friend, in time that may return after some healing. The important thing is, space. If you are in constant contact after the break up, you are only delaying the pain (and making things confusing for both of you). In order to return to the friendship, you have to first be away from it.
Being honest, telling him how you feel, and how hard it is going to be...that is the only way. And if you want to end it, you have to come out and say it. It is hard but you have to make it VERY VERY clear, so he can start anew in a bit, and so can you.
2006-10-05 06:05:24 · answer #3 · answered by t-bone 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't sound ready to leave this relationship - but you definitely need to address the jealousy issue - I mean
REALLY. It sounds like the only thing in the way of a good marriage, but could be blinding you to some other issues that will become intolerable, like his insecurity.
Work on the jealousy with a therapist and if it can't be resolved, then you can walk away knowing you gave it your best shot - and you will probably realize more about what your really want in a guy.
2006-10-05 06:08:09 · answer #4 · answered by justwondering 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its hard to end any relationship its even harder when its Ur best friend. Just tell him that u need ur space and that u still want to be friends. its just that his jealousy is driving u crazy. Tell him that if u don't get the space u need that things would only get worse... Or is his jealousy a sign of him cheating?? If all of a sudden hes doing that(checking Ur phone,reading Ur diary) he might be doing something. Just be strong cause Ur only postponing the inevitable.
2006-10-05 06:12:11 · answer #5 · answered by j3 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lesson discovered. guy maximum suitable friends are many times cases in basic terms waiting for the possibility to be the boy chum. besides, what did you think of taking a wreck meant. If he's not chatting with you, thats taking a wreck. Taking a wreck potential breaking apart, with the potential for having back jointly. BTW on condition that there is not any question on your posting i'll think of you asked the thank you to get the fiance back. call him and apoligize. tell him you took undesirable suggestion and you desire to artwork with him on fixing your issues jointly.
2016-10-01 23:29:39 · answer #6 · answered by lininger 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So you want to break up with him but still keep him around as a friend..
sorry sister it ain't gonna happen. Contrary to Jerry and Elaine, men and women who have dated for a long time don't normally become bestest friends. The men hate it because it represents rejection. Why would he want to be around a woman who stands as a living reminder that he wasn't good enough for her to marry?
If you end it with this guy, be prepared to find a new "best friend". Let him cry and all that junk. He'll get over it. But he probably won't be your "best friend"... at least not for a LOOOOONG time...
2006-10-05 06:05:09 · answer #7 · answered by bodinibold 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Think about seeing a couples counselor first. If that route does not work then you need to end it
2006-10-05 06:05:46 · answer #8 · answered by Mike 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you love him be blunt by addressing the trust issues. he needs more confidence in the relationship. if he had it dont you think things would work out?
2006-10-05 06:05:38 · answer #9 · answered by bcallday 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HE READS YOUR PRIVATE THOUGHTS IN YOUR DIARY
HE DOESN'T TRUST YOU
MAKE A CLEAN BREAK
2006-10-05 06:02:50 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋