I am 38 M married to a 33 F, we have had our ups and downs. Her family dont like me and she involved them in our fights. I was very controlling and mentally abusive, never physical. We have gotten back together and I know what i did was wrong and have said my sorries and I have been treating her good now I am going in for surgery next week and I feel something in my mind doesn't think I will be taken care of and if anything happens she will just run back to her family, who is and has been involved for to long. I to have been very hurt the way everything has went down, but I not the only to blame, she lied and did other things. She always chose her family over me know matter what the situation was. i have felt neglected and alone. My hurt turned into anger and that is where the bad words came from. not anymore, but its like I know I am different, but I dont feel she is and someone in my mind they are still involved. I am inlove, what do I do. Very sad and depressed and need some advice.
2006-10-05 05:44:17 · 6 answers · asked by buddabear38 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I can completely understand how you feel. It makes sense. And I commend you for sticking it out and not giving up on your marriage. If I were you I would see a counselor, a licensed marriage and family therapist is best.
All marriages go in waves ... stick it out. But in the mean time get some help if you feel led to do so. Often times, our on securities come out and are reflected/projected on the people we love the most.
I would also encourage you to communicate to your spouse exactly what you just asked us yahoo folks. Read the letter and tell her your concerns. If she loves you she will listen and apparently she still wants ya'll to work since you're together.
And believe it or not there is hope. Ya'll can work through your differences. Within time, I encourage you both to see a counselor.
People think going to see a counselor is a bad thing ... it's not. Usually the most healthest people go to counselors because they realize the reality of the situation and choose to look at it and understand it before making assumptions that are often not there and not true to their perceptions.
2006-10-05 05:54:24 · answer #1 · answered by lfbrowne 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to really speak to your wife and set down some rules!She needs to choose between her family and making this relationship work!! She has to! You have done everything right.Don't feel bad!! Just set down rules!! Take control of the dynamics of your relationship.Maybe she feels she can't come to you upfront, you know then you's need to work on the communication. Get books on marriage.See a counselor, it is an investment in your marriage. Marriage needs work all the time. The Big issue for you is the communication you need to fix that up in a big way.Tell her you Love Her.and you really want the marriage to work and you want her to come to you first before going to outside parties tell her that you want to be the best friend that she confides in.Write her a letter a poem.Just open your whole heart and let all that Love Flow out.Life is too precious and short. What if you never get her to see how much you truly adore her.. That's a scare thought.I don't think she realizes how you feel. Go out of your way to spend loads of time with her talk to her.Fill her time up with you and with her feeling all the romance and Love that you have for her keep her mind occupied with events that you have planned together!! A woman's mind know no end!! Let be filled with You.Don't be scared to bear your whole soul to her!!!
2006-10-05 05:54:49 · answer #2 · answered by Dee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well you better first of all know her parents will always be involved in your and her life, It is not uncommon for a daughter to involved her mom and dad and it is not uncommon for the parents to worry about there child,perhaps you should think about leaving this marriage for a while till you fill more like your self depression is a very easy thing to fix talk to your Dr and explain how you fill I some how don't think you are ready to rebuild this marriage with all of the problems you have with her family.I truly hope things turn out for you
2006-10-05 05:53:02 · answer #3 · answered by just_me_1955 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it's at all possible, perhaps a counselor would help. Where you both can speak you mind, and the counselor may be able to help you both see where your both coming from. And what you both may be able to do to correct the situation. Again, you both need to agree that your relationship needs help, in order for anything to be accomplished.
2006-10-05 05:56:54 · answer #4 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It takes a lot to admit to your faults and I commend you for that especially when both parties are to blame. Let your feelings and worries be known to her. Let her know how running to her Family and involving them in your fights makes you feel and be truthful. And If she tries to blame everything on you, you let her know that it takes 2. Be strong, be honest, be sincere, be heartfelt, be respectful and be you. Good Luck!!!
2006-10-05 05:56:55 · answer #5 · answered by Yahoo Anwers 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should try counsling-for the both of you.
2006-10-05 05:54:13 · answer #6 · answered by Christy W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋