My husband clearly wants to have sex with other women, and to mask it he keeps trying to hook me up with other men saying he wants to see (sexually)me with someone else. He has placed me in situations where he pushes me to be with someone and gets mad when i don't hit on them or make a move. He talks about "swapping" because "i know you want to do someone else and maybe i could hook up too". I have given him the freedom to do what or whom he wants but he thinks it is a trap so i can divorce him for infidelity. He is the one who wants to stay online trying to find someone "for me". I don't want any part of being with someone else sexually and his addiction is really starting to bother me. What do i do?
2006-10-05 05:18:51 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
bring him home a woman
2006-10-05 05:20:48 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wierd as this is going to sound, I smell a rat. As I read of your plight, I quickly concluded that your husband may be bi. Not my business, but you pointed out that he is the one always trying to get you hooked up, depsite the fact that you told him that he could get together with another woman. The divorce thing doesn't wash with me either. Don't know about where you live, but here and many other parts of the country, you can divorce for any or no reason. I'd bet that if you hooked up with someone he picked out, he'd at least try to join in. Just a theory. Good Luck
2006-10-05 12:36:30 · answer #2 · answered by calldrsalsa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you are uncomfortable with his idea and you would appreciate it if he'd stop it. If the D word has already entered your vocabulary then do all the usual protective things, keep your money separate, get a job or a better job, separate your credit histories and see a lawyer so you know how the divorce laws work in your state. Don't stay in a marriage that is so demeaning to you. I mean, really, can you see yourself in twenty years from now, still fending off the men hes pushing on you while he cats around? Yuck
2006-10-05 12:29:07 · answer #3 · answered by justa 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My brother in law was doing this to my sister...and come to find out...it was because he was already having sex on the side...I guess it made it better for him telling her that she should find a friend. He is a truck driver, and paid a "lot lizzard" for 4 bj's. He ended up telling her and didn't expect the response that he got...she is still with him (for what reason, have no clue) but their marrige is not the same and I don't think it ever will be! I would be carefull about what he is doing and what you will do sex wise, if he does decide to sleep around.
2006-10-05 12:31:52 · answer #4 · answered by Mom to Foster Children 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He doesn't feel secure enough to have sex without you. He wants you to "hold his hand".
This could be because he fears your response ("he thinks it is a trap.."), or it could be from his own feelings of guilt (he might feel he's betraying you, even if you DO say its ok.)
So what's the solution?
- suggest a 3some and sneak out early.
- find a couple, and talk to the guy for a few hours. There are men in your position too.
- tell him to take a cold shower.
But he's put you in charge of his sex life. Bizarre...
2006-10-05 12:40:47 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is no fault divorce these days so put his mind at ease - but I think you are right about his motives. Then again, he may be more interested in seeing the other man having sex. Why don't you consider going for counseling - or get a good sex manual to spice up your personal lives - other partners don't have to be involved to add spice and they won't help your marriage, but a therapist might.
2006-10-05 12:28:50 · answer #6 · answered by justwondering 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What my first thought was, does he want to trap you for infidelity?
Anyhow...tell him to sit down and ask him exactly what this is all about,...
Also, why get married in the first place if it is an open relationship? I suggest you tell him to be VERY open and honest about why he feels and acts the way he does. Listen to him without interrupting...and tell him exactly how this makes you feel.
Be honest with yourselves about what needs to be done. It seems this is just the tip of the iceberg...you need to get to the heart of the problem.
2006-10-05 12:30:46 · answer #7 · answered by Patience 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He should not pressure you to do anything you aren't comfortable with. Nor should you pressure him. I think swapping is a bad idea for a marriage anyway. If this has become a major issue for him, then maybe it's something you really need to address. I'd let him know that this behavior is not acceptable. It is, quite simply, a deal breaker. What real man in love wants to see his love with another man?
2006-10-05 12:24:53 · answer #8 · answered by sassybree1979 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him clearly that if he continues to force the issue of getting you with a man, you ARE going to leave him, because you're sick of his pressuring. He wants to stray and is resenting you for not letting him do it with a clear conscience.
Tell him that if he wants to go get another partner, he's just going to have to trust you to not get mad - because if you gave your permission already, divorcing him for infidelity wouldn't fly in court.
If his own guilt or paranoia stop him, that's HIS problem, not yours. Tell him to grow a set of balls - then go use them on some slut.
2006-10-05 12:25:57 · answer #9 · answered by drumrb0y 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try counseling. It's too complicated to address here. Maybe once you are in counseling, you can get hubby to go as well. He wants scream to me that he is emotionally needful for some reason.
Good Luck
2006-10-05 12:23:55 · answer #10 · answered by Thomas 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you said no, it's NO. Tell him to knock it off or you're walking. Why would you want to be in a relationship with someone who keeps pushing you to do something you want to do? Would you stay with someone who keeps pushing you to smoke crack or bang a dog? and you've given him permission to bang someone else. if he doesn't want to take you up on it, it's his problem. Put your foot down. Tell him knock it off or you're walking. And you'd be wise to follow through
2006-10-05 12:23:34 · answer #11 · answered by bodinibold 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋