His belief is the number one cause of divorce is marrage. We have a daughter and well Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell never get married.
2006-10-05 04:57:30 · 8 answers · asked by cjuyi99 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Also, we've been together for five years -- I'm 30 and he's 42.
2006-10-05 05:02:13 · update #1
I want a big wedding.
2006-10-05 05:03:09 · update #2
Well, living is the number one cause of dying too. :)
Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell have done a good thing by sticking together, but they're a rare example and shouldn't be used as a standard. (I also do not know their reasons for not hitching. Maybe those reasons are different than others who live together but do not marry.)
Yes, the marriage itself is just a ceremony and you get a piece of paper "authorizing" the union; but it's symbolic of much more than that. It shows a real commitment to sticking things out, and it gives a couple added incentive to try to work things out rather than just running off after things get hard for a short time.
[Sometimes people need an "anchor point" or reminder to hold them in place when things get tough. This is one thing the marriage covenant does -- it is a promise you can cling to, when you feel like quitting, and instead strive to make things work. Everything worth doing in life has times where you want to quit; the anchors help us stick it out.]
Your man seems to enjoy your relationship together, you have a kid, and it's five years and going. That's an achievement. From what little you've said, it seems that he's simply afraid to make it "official" because he either hates the feeling of making a firm commitment or because he feels that expectations will change once you get married, so the relationship will have added stress and could sour.
The former is simply part of what a commitment is, and men seem to struggle with "signing on the line" more than women do. They just enjoy feeling like they're free, even if they don't plan to use that freedom to leave.
But women need to know the man is going to stick around and WANTS to stick around -- and making that commitment is also an important step for a man to take, in terms of personal growth.
The latter fear is something to consider. But since you have been together five years and even dealt with child-rearing together, I doubt expectations will change a great deal -- the "honeymoon" ended at some point, you had to deal with the practical realities of being together, and you have probably already hashed out any conflicts over expectations for each other.
So, unless you can sense in yourself that you will expect different behavior from him once the marriage is official, it seems like your relationship should not change and should be more secure if you officially marry.
It would also provide additional security to your daughter.
2006-10-05 05:19:23 · answer #1 · answered by Jennywocky 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I think his reasoning is a cop-out....marriage is basically a ceremony and a piece of paper. However it does represent a commitment that the two you make before God and each other saying that you will stay together for the rest of your lives. Some men get really scared at the thought of being committed to one person for the rest of their lives.
When you are in a relationship and it doesn't work out it is easy to leave that person. However when you decide you are sick of your significant other and that person happens to be your wife, it isn't so easy. There is a long process a.k.a. divorce. With divorce comes distribution of assets as well as the potential of alimony payments. It sounds to me like he just doesn't want to have to worry about what might happen should you two breakup.
If your relationship is solid, getting married would have no effect on your lives. It is merely a commitment you make to one another to spend the rest of your lives together for as long as you both shall live. I betcha anything he just doesn't like the commitment and he is making excuses....
2006-10-05 12:12:37 · answer #2 · answered by Cute But Evil 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Noo thats not right...all that's saying is that he doesn't want to settle down or fully commit his self to something just in case he wants to back out later on in the future. I don't like the idea and quite frankly I believe that if he loves you enough he would want to get married to you and never for once think that it would end up in a divorce..
2006-10-05 12:03:17 · answer #3 · answered by Miss Thang 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is right , there is no advantage (For the man) to get married. The advantage is to the woman,if the marriage does not work out she then gets 50% or more of his stuff.I think you should respect and admire your guy for his intelligence.
2006-10-05 12:02:36 · answer #4 · answered by Hammer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to be upfront with what you want!! You need to decide why you want yo get married? Are you very religious? Marriage is a wonderful thing. In my eyes you guys are married already.
2006-10-05 12:20:20 · answer #5 · answered by Dee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry but if he was totally commited to you there would be a wedding.
2006-10-05 12:10:15 · answer #6 · answered by blueblossom33 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why do you need to get married.it's just a piece of paper. and you don't need that to know he loves you.relationships do change when you get married.
2006-10-05 12:03:18 · answer #7 · answered by smurfette_ftwayne 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
IT WORKS FOR SOME PEOPLE.
IT IS A PERSONAL CHOICE.
2006-10-05 12:01:39 · answer #8 · answered by nwnativeprincess 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋