has anybody ever loved somebody who is depressed?

Question

My boyfriend is depressed. His family was recently involved in a scandal that eventually became a struggle for them and tore my bf apart. I understand what he was going through though. I began to just not take things personally and understand that its not my fault. To just be by his side when he needs a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on or space when he needs to think. . I know eventually, things will soon be ok, but he loses hope every now and then. It hurts to see him this way.

It bothers me when people would say hurtful things like im not supposed to be treated this way, or that im taken for granted, or im a "martyr" for sticking with him... some just dont understand bec they just see the surface but not what's deeper. Some just dont know what is actually happening in his life and i felt like i really dont have to explain this to everyone who says stuff.
Please help me if u have this kind of situation... I mean, how do u cope if u ever have a loved one who is depressed?

I love the advice u all gave me... sometimes I just feel neglected. Didi u feel this way too when someone u loved was depressed? I mean, if u were the one depressed, did u get to forget those people around u? I just couldnt understand sometimes. But like I said, I know what he is going through and should just be patient.
There are days when he would talk abt it, other days he would just stare into space. What should I do? He was into drag racing nowadays maybe to keep his mind off the problem. But im scared he'd hurt himself. Sometimes I just dont know where his mind is.

Answer 1

I am not sure how to help you really but I wanted to give you some words of encouragement. I think you are doing the right thing. A friend is a friend and a good friend, as it sounds like you are, will wade through hell and back to support someone they care about in a time of need. Keep up the good work and keep praying for a brighter day. Depending on how long this has been going on, maybe the best way to help him is to help him find some professional help. This does not mean you have failed. It just means you care enough to use what ever resources you can to help your man. You could go with him to show your support, or wait in the lobby if he'd rather talk to someone alone.
It's nice in this day and age to hear a story like yours. I think more and more people need to love each other the way you love. Good job.

Answer 2

Well, I haven't been with someone who was depressed, but my boyfriend was there for me when I went through a depression. It's not an easy road, but keep on keeping on. Stand by his side NO MATTER WHAT. He needs you now more than ever! You're not a martyr, don't worry what others think. The road may be tough at times too, YOU have to try your best to be strong for the both of you. My boyfriend would get frustrated at times, but he stood by me, stood up for me, and didn't leave my side much, as I had a lot of insecurities at the time. I'm ALL good now, and our relationship has been thriving ever since I got better. I was on medicine, which didn't work (made things worse), took myself off that, and we worked through it...TOGETHER. Just use encouraging words and let him know that everything will be okay, it always is (in the end). Good luck to you two!

Answer 3

I feel for ya sweety,my husband broke both his arms last year 13 fractures in all he's only 35 and will never work again,we have 3 young kids and I can't work because we live on a 44 acre farm and I have to do ALL the work required to run it. He is depressed is on alot of pain meds and is not the same man I married..he talks about killing himself in not so many words..he's in incredible pain everyday...do I blame him for wanting to end it all...nope I could not imagine living everyday in pain like he does...I can understand sweety I understand...but how do I get through it you might ask?....I enjoy every damn day that I have with him....I'm a more understanding person and have grown alot myself as I've had to take care of him,when his was in both casts I had to do everything for him,wipe him bum,bath ,feed everything just like a little baby....he has now develpoed a disease as a result of his injuries called CRPS 2 ......

Stay strong....don't let his depression suck you in....brush it off and stand by your man!

Answer 4

My wife suffers from depression and it is very hard to deal with. It kills me to see her so unhappy and it took me some time to realize that it was nothing I was or wasnt doing. All you can do is be patient and make the most of the times when he is happy. And the most important thing I have realized is I dont let her mood affect mine, if I am in a good mood and she isnt then I stay in a good mood. Keep being there for him, you sound like a loving and supportive woman and he is lucky to have you, rest assured he knows that too.

Good luck

Answer 5

My husband is like that, however he was diagnosed with clinical depression as a teenager. Depression is generally a hormonal imbalance and can be corrected with medication. other times a counsellor or mental health pactitioner can help. Whatever the case you just have to be patient and stick with them. For me with 2 young children, it means being patient but also telling my husband when it gets too much.

Answer 6

Part of it is identifying it with him, not for him. If he does not see the problem, he won't work on it. You could go to counciling. As for others oppinion... if you love him and you don't see it as a problem then screw what they think. Tell them their oppinion wasn't asked for and to stay out of it. Don't explain things to them, you don't have to answer or excuse it. Discuss with him what you hae observed. Tell him that you love him and will stick by him no matter what, and suggest seeing someone to help deal with the pain anger and hopelessness. Make sure he knows you are there for him, with him, that you understand. He's very lucky to have you through these times, and remind him that he has good times too. You can't fix him, he has to do that. But having someone there when you are depressed, and knowing that they are there for you and not judging you is very helpful. As far as coping, keep a journal, make momentos of happy times and remind both yourself and him of those happy times. Good luck.

Answer 7

You sound like a very caring person and no you don't have to explain every detail to other people.
I lived through depression for many years and sometimes it is very difficult to climb out of it without professional help.Maybe you could suggest this to your boy friend and even offer to go with him the first time to get started. Reassure him it is all confidential what he says.
One other thing. Please be careful yourself.Without realizing it you can end up extremely depressed yourself. It wouldn't hurt for you to talk to someone you really trust because it may take your boy friend awhile yet to get out of his depression. The best to both of you.

Answer 8

If it's a temporary thing, he still needs some councelling or perhaps a mild anti-depressant from his doctor to help him get through a bit better.

If he doesn't get help it may turn into a long-term depression as depression is a viscious spiral that can get worse as time goes by.

See if you can get him to go to a counsellor and if you can get into a support group for people in relationships with depresssives.

Answer 9

stay by his side ..dont leave him alone .. u r a good girl ..
& try not to listen to what other ppl say .. he is the only one that matters to u so u dont need to hear other ppl's nonsense

Answer 10

he needs to get help and you to if you don't you will also get depressed you sound like you are already pretty dam close to it