My ex wife left my 14 and 18 yr old boys for a month while she went overseas and she didnt notify me or anyone on my side of the family. I'm taking her to court for custody on this reason and others such as signing out my oldest son from high school in 1 month of his 11th grade year . She denied me visitations for 2 years. Kids wear old clothes from yard sales and i pay alimony and child support as she tells them i send her no money. Oldest son now 20 lives with me in New Jersey and I'm trying to get his life straightened out. Youngest son wants to live with me and new family. She stated he could live here on a trial basis when she did allow him to visit as long as i paid for everything, she wouldn't even take him to the airport, Had to get his grand parents to do that. I stated child support should come back to me for its for the welfare of our son and not her. She had lawyer send me a threat letterto have him return. She didnt pick him up 3 days after she had his sister pick him up.
2006-10-05 04:29:29 · 13 answers · asked by jerlee64 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well, I think you have a pretty good case. She Abandoned them. Of course 18 is a legal adult. But the court should ask your boys themselves they are old enough to make the decision where they want to live. More power to you I'd definitely go for it..L.Good luck.
2006-10-05 04:36:28 · answer #1 · answered by ben and lisa h 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait a minute there are some inconsistencies and problems with what you tell us. First off the 18 year old is an adult and can live wehreever he wants. Second, if he was left in charge of the 14 year old she wasn't neglectful as he would be an adult and competent to watch the 14 year old. When are you talking about "signing your oldest son out of the 11th grade for one month" You just told us he's 20--he can't be in the 11th grade at that age. So you must be talking about something old and irrelevant to custody of the 14 year old. A threatening letter from her lawyer suggests that you failed to return the son to her custody as agreed or that he left without her consent...the fact that you say she didn't take him to the airport suggests no consent but you say she allowed the visits--so what's going on here? Were you set up or are you not giving us enough details? And if she set you up, its your fault, you should have had something in writing to say she consented to the visits--then the lawyer's letter would have been an empty threat.
Frankly, it sounds to me that both of you are using the kids as pawns in a cold war between you. It also sounds like you need a lawyer of your own. It also sounds like child support for the 18 year old should be cut since he's an adult and if you think she's mispending what you pay, then you go back to court and have some alternative worked out. The 14 year old is getting to the age where he might have some say in all this--perhaps your lawyer needs to talk with him to find out what he wants...in a year or two he might even get himself emancipated. I do agree if he was living with you for any length of time the child support should be adjusted or cut for that time.
You are carrying around a lot of hurt obviously. I don't see in what you have written grounds to have a custody order overturned, especially some of the things you relate seem old. Old clothes are not a reason to change custody, telling them you send no money is not either.
--Lawyer here.
2006-10-05 11:42:04 · answer #2 · answered by William E 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You probably need an attorney for this one. Of course it is possible for you to sue and win custody of your son. But if you can get her to do it voluntarily, wouldn't it be better? If she will agree to letting him stay with you for awhile, try it out. No, the child support doesn't stop b/c he is "visiting" you.. she still has to maintain a household for him to come back to (that will be the court's position). After he has been with you for 6 months, your state may have jurisdiction over the child, but you need to consult with an attorney. I don't know what you are paying in child support, but how much is it worth to you to take care of your son properly? I know it sounds like blackmail, but after awhile, you could always go back and file for custody and to suspend the support obligation (they will not "terminate" it until the child is emancipated). If you win custody at that point, she can be required to pay support to you... If you can show a good history with your son (and good faith payments to your exwife) during his "temporary" stay, it may help sway the court to grant you custody. Also, depending on the judge, your son may be allowed to give his opinion about where he wants to live b/c of his age... Good luck with your kids.
2006-10-05 11:42:26 · answer #3 · answered by victronia 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's nice to see that a dad wants to take charge! My son to be husband and I are going through the same thing.You have grounds for custody but you need to dig deeper prove she's an unfit mother for your daughter.My advise is write every little detail down starting with any conversation doubts about any parenting you may have.This may sound sad but it's true a judge will not grant you custody without a soild case.There's so many father out the that sound have their children.And they don't for 1 reason JUSTICE SYSTEM! well good luck
2006-10-05 11:39:30 · answer #4 · answered by sweet_lil_bitch_28 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i dont know what the laws are like in NJ, but here in wisconsin its 50:50 right down the middle for placement as long as both parties want it that way, which is to say that each wants the kids. that by the way is placement. cutody is the right to make decisins for you kids(religion school medical care etc) and has nothing to do with where they reside.
based on what you are saying the court could consider this as abandonment. and then it goes in your favour. however in cases like this you need a good attorney.
2006-10-05 11:34:02 · answer #5 · answered by MiKe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get your own lawyer (a good one) and tell him everything that's going on, and take her to court. The kids are old enough to discuss what the mother does to them...But until you go to court make sure you do everything by the book until a judge tells you to do different.
2006-10-05 11:32:51 · answer #6 · answered by Ruth Less RN 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you need to gather carefully all the documentation you can to prove she is unfit. The boys are old enough now to say where they want to live, but a judge would have to hear it. Take her to court and regain your kids for their sake.
2006-10-05 11:32:42 · answer #7 · answered by Alterfemego 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Considering his age, you can go to court to file for custody and have your son state himself who he wants to live with. He is old enough to do that now. Testimony from your oldest son would help. It would help your cause if you have any letters, emails, voicemails, etc. with her demands. Any backup is helpful.
Good luck to you.
2006-10-05 11:35:17 · answer #8 · answered by JC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk to a lawyer. The court should listen to the child when he says he wants to live with you. Good luck!!
2006-10-05 11:32:03 · answer #9 · answered by Michelle : 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your youngest is now 16, the judge will listen to him. He's old enough to be emancipated. Good luck.
2006-10-05 11:37:49 · answer #10 · answered by tinkerbell24 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋