My fiances brother is getting married and hasn't asked him to be in his wedding. I know he's hurt by this but If I ask he goes I'm fine, let it go and walks away. I've over heard him talking to his mom about it but he won't let me know that it bothers him. Last night he told me that he's not going to the wedding all together, and that he could care less anymore about his brother. Should I intervene or just let him be?
2006-10-05 04:28:08 · 18 answers · asked by farmergyrl23 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
That's a tough question...u don't want 2 be put into a position where he could get real upset with u and cancel ur own wedding, right? Well, u shouldn't have to worry about that. Love is much stronger, and you have a right to intervene in such a matter. Of course he's not going to reveal to you that he's hurt...that's the whole male-ego thing.
If I were u, i think that I would approach him and say, "Sweetheart, I know that the situation with your brother has bothered u to at least some extent, but that's yet your brother. Regardless of what happens, you love him and he loves you. You have to be there for him...talk to him. There must be some valid reason that he didn't ask u 2 be in it. Besides, maybe he just hasn't gotten around to asking u."
I personally believe that his brother may be trying to be courteous to the both of u. If both him and his brother are getting married, that means that their schedules are chaos, and he probably doesn't want to interefere with yours.
Talk to you fiance...that's the only way to work things out. Silence gets u nowhere.
2006-10-05 04:34:13 · answer #1 · answered by Nikki 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I recommend just letting it go for now.
Maybe you could consider having a chat to him, before the wedding, but not so soon after him being hurt by it all. I'd hate to see him regret not attending the wedding later on, all because of the typically stubborn male side that most of us males seem to perfectly portray.
He is understandably hurt.
I'm not sure about the relationship that you share with his brother, but if it's an open and healthy one, maybe talking to him (after talking to your fiance) might help you bring things back together. He might be so oblivious to it all, and not realise the damage that's being done. Once aware of it, if he truly values his brother, he will make the necessary changes to include him in on such a special day.
2006-10-05 04:36:31 · answer #2 · answered by Medicated Harmony 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course, we don't know the whole story with your fiance and his brother. Did they grow up close? Was there a fight? Does his brother have a close friend who he asked that may be related to the bride? Perhaps the brother just assumes that your fiance is going to be there as his best man and hasn't thought to ask. I would have to intervene. I mean, we only have one wedding. Hey, since the two of you will be sister-in-laws how about a pow-wow?
2006-10-05 04:34:22 · answer #3 · answered by jennifer c 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a really difficult situation. I think that you should tell your boyfriend that you respect his decision and that you will always be on his side no matter what. If he doesn't want to talk about it he doesn't have to, but you think that he should not sever ties completely with his brother no matter what. Tell him that regardless if your brother is an a**hole, he is still your brother. Tell him that this is the last time that you will bring it up, but that if he ever wants to talk, you are there for him.
Leave it at that. Men are funny about stuff like this and sometimes they don't know how to express that something like this doesn't really make them mad, but hurts them. Let his family intervene if they see the need...you be his island that he can go to to relax and not think about this.
2006-10-05 04:34:31 · answer #4 · answered by writeroftheyear1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let it be, It has to do with his brother not u, If u try to help, whats gonna happen is that they're gonna get happy again and then they might get mad at u. Be on ur fiances side and respect what ever decision he makes, If hes not going to the wedding dont go either.
Good Luck
2006-10-05 04:31:26 · answer #5 · answered by chinaz777 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it would make his brother happy by not going there on his wedding day, so be it. Or maybe, there's really no reason to be bothered at all if his bro hasn't asked him to come. I think, normally, an immediate family doesn't need anymore a formal invitation. It's understood already that "hey, I (you) need to come 'cos it's my(your) bro's big day!" Unless, there was something between them. Just be open with him, he's your fiance & it woud make you their future-in-law.
2006-10-05 04:56:48 · answer #6 · answered by Love Freely 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would casually mention it to his brother, not like suggest it but maybe in a kind of jokingly way say something about it and get the brother thinking., It takes a lot to plan a wedding(im in the process) and sometimes the little things like that are forgotten or just assumed. I didnt ask my best friend to be my bridesmaid..I just assumed and didnt think anything of it until I told her the color of the dress and she was like well I was wondering when you were going to ask me.
2006-10-05 04:32:27 · answer #7 · answered by Kelli C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's nothing you can do. He needs to grow up and get over it. I'm sure he will. I think he he will go to the wedding after all that's his brother. If it does bother him so much why not just have him talk to his brother ?/ That would be the best thing to do .
2006-10-05 04:36:20 · answer #8 · answered by Princess 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is between him and his brother. Stay out of it. Be there for him and let him know that, but don't bug him. Ultimately, your goal should be to help him find a way to deal with these feelings, but right now, they are too raw. There is obviously a long history here. Take a breath and help him through it in a supportive role.
2006-10-05 04:31:20 · answer #9 · answered by Isis 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know the family, but brothers are often shits to each other. There might be more going on than you know about. maybe you should ask the mother about this. He might just be thinking it is just his problem and doesn't think he wants to bother you with it.
2006-10-05 04:34:07 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋