Shall I divorce to be with someone else?

Question

Im 45 year old man, i have been married for 20 years now, and i have a son of 16, the last 5 years i didnt see my family more than 5 days in a month due to my work.

I got married to young and before that i didnt experience a lot in life , that includes relationships, now im not happy with her.

The last 6 months i have been with someone else of my work, she is 25 and i feel that for the first time in my life i fall in love, i have been thinking get the divorce and be with this girl. . but i dont know if take the risk and leave my family, because all the time that i have share with my wife, despite that she has now have her own life for a while now.. plus sex with her doesnt excist anymore.

I dont know if this is a crisis of my age, i dont know if this girl will be ok with me when i look my age, what will happen with the difference then, she say that she dont care and isn ot a problem but i dotn know.

What do you think.. shall i have to take the risk??

Answer 1

I have a similar choice to make. However, it was not my work, but rather my wife's inattention to me that brought this on. For years, she would rather watch TV until late at night rather than be intimate. Her idea was not having sex more than once per week at the most. And there are a number of other reasons. So I have met someone else.

You need to choose with your heart and decide what will make you happiest. Breaking up is difficult - I know. If you go to the other women, make sure that it will be a lasting relationship. Otherwise, you will likely regret it.

Answer 2

Do not divorce your wife to be with the other woman:

1. Divorce her because you're both unhappy and are honest enough to know that your marriage is really over.

2. You've already done something dangerous, not to mention stupid, by getting involved with someone at work, especially a much younger woman. I don't know what your office policy is concerning relationships in the workplace, but this is really a bad idea, given the circumstances.

3. You are still a married man. Don't forget that. If word of your relationship gets out, it could prove to be detrimental to career and your relationship with your son.

4. If you divorce your wife and immediately engage with another woman, you are not allowing yourself an opportunity to live and experience life. You'd wind up in the same predicament you were in before. You haven't experienced enough relationships to know if this woman is the one. What if she isn't, and she winds up pregnant? You have further complicated your life again without having a chance to truly live it.

5. If you aren't sure about what his woman thinks about your age, and have doubts even when she says she doesn't care about the age difference, you need to take a step back.

I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your son, or if you relationship with your wife is at least cordial. I would stop seeing the younger woman for the time being. If there's really a relationship to be had there, you can both wait. Determine what it is you want to do, then talk to your wife. Let her know how you feel about your marriage, and listen to her answer. She may also be looking for a way out; maybe you can end the marriage on friendly terms. Also, talk to a lawyer to understand what legal obligations you have.

If your first priority is experience life in the way you wanted before you married, then do that. Don't go rushing into another relationship, that's exactly where you started. Think long and hard about what you want to do; you have to be prepared for the challenges your decision to leave or stay will bring.

Answer 3

NO, don't take that risk!

First, this is probably a mid-life crisis (sorry if that isn't the "correct" term for that nowadays). Second, you have a history with your wife and a family. Third, this new girl probably thinks of what you have as a fling, and wouldn't give you the rest of her life anyway. Fourth, you'd be running away from your problems.

So you married young. So you missed out on some things. But you also have gained experiences that others haven't had. The past is gone; being with a younger woman won't make you young again. Try focusing on what you HAVE instead of what you might be missing.

It is okay for you and your wife to have separate interests and pursuits (it's not okay to cheat, though). Considering that you're cheating, the lack of sex with your wife is probably your fault. That's a very common indication for wives that their husbands have strayed.

Have you even tried to bring back the spark with your wive? Keep in mind that in order to do so, you can't be seeing someone else on the side; that would mean you're only giving a half-hearted attempt to save your marriage.

But if your wife, your marriage, and your children are not important enough to you for you to do everything you can to save your marriage (that includes dumping the mistress), then they are probably better off without you.

Answer 4

If your feelings are true than take the risk. Why have you seen your family so little? Did you and your wife talk about the consequences when you took this job? Absence makes the heart wander. Maybe this 25 year old is filling a void. You can't predict the future. you are risking alot for this woman. Be absolutely sure before you jump into anything. I don't know your wifes story, but if she has stood by you during all this and has been raising "your" son you may cause lots of distress. You can get all the advice you want but it is ultimately you who makes the decision. Do what your heart desires but be prepared for the consequences.

Answer 5

You just want your cake, and eat it too!

You are being selfish, and only thinking about YOU! What does your wife want? Does she have any of the feelings you do? Is she happy with her sex life? Is she happy with you?

Maybe stop thinking about yourself and look around at the family and wife you have created and see how your actions will effect them. How will it effect you when your wife moves on, and the 25 year old dumps you because she wakes up and realizes your old and gross!?

You need to start being honest with the women who has put up with you for 20 years. And go from there. Just remember, the grass may look greener on the other side, but it's the same green grass!

Answer 6

To begin with age is just a number to me. A lot of women find older men attractive. By what your saying here is you've pretty much decided what you want and its not your wife. I don't agree with the way you did things considering your wife probably trusted that when you were away you were working not sleeping with someone else. And if you get a divorce she'll realize you had been sleeping around seeing the other woman on your arm. But to be honest you'd probably be doing your wife a favor divorcing her cause how your doing her now isn't right at all.

Answer 7

well if you've only given your family five days a month how could you be a family ?you aren't.the reason your wife has her own life is b/c you've neglected your life with her and now you say you're in love with someone else.my advice is this ,put that effort that you have for this other girl into your wife.show renewed interest in your wife.wine and dine her .you don't even know this woman you call your wife and if she's stood by your stupid as* this long she must be a very good person.if you start to treat her like she's a woman and a woman who needs her man ,then you'll see her as she is beautiful.don't go with this girl fir you will end up alone and unforgiven.and feeling as stupid as what you are thinking sounds.

Answer 8

NO, whatever you do, do not take this risk. I'm telling you it WILL blow up in your face. You will loose more than you ever know. I'm telling you from experience. I lost the love of my family, my kids, my friends, all because I was SO very stupid and selfish. Please, don't make this mistake. You will forever regret it. Try to repair your marriage. Get back what you lost. Go to couseling, whatever it takes, but don't give up on it and DON'T whatever you do, divorce to be with someone else. It will come back and bite you in the a s s.

Answer 9

I think you should talk to your wife and see if the 2 of you have anything left because when you got married it was for better or worse. You are in lust with this other girl.. don't make a mistake that you will letter regret, think of your wife and your family

Answer 10

I think you should.

If you are not happy with your marriage why be in it?
It is not good for you or your wife.

Talk to your wife about your feelings. It is going to be a hard talk but you need to let her know your feelings and make sure you here her out too.
This conversation might take a while so make time in your schedule to talk to her for at least an hour it might go longer than that but you need to tell her how you feel.

Best of luck.