I met a girl online six months ago. We spoke on the phone for 3 months and I have found her to be an amazing person. I met her 3 months ago and I thought she was gorgeous as soon as I laid eyes on her. I asked her to marry me on the day I met her. We married a few days ago and started living together. In the weeks after I proposed, I started to find her physically unattractive sometimes, but overall she was great and I married her on the basis of her personality. Now that we are married and living together, I am getting scared. Her personality is still amazing, but I look at her sometimes and I do not find her attractive and get scared at what I have done. What do I do? Am I am just being an immature, self-centred idiot who is scared of commitment? Do we separate after a few days of marriage despite the fact that she really loves me and is a better person than me and that I love her? I won't even mention the massive expense of the wedding and the fact that both our families love us.
2006-10-05 04:07:22 · 26 answers · asked by asylumseeker 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You sound like me. I got married September 19th, woke up a couple of days later and said, "Wait a minute. Why did I do this?" But then, I looked at my husband, felt my unborn daughter kick me, and heard my four year old yell, "Mommy!" Then I realized why I did it. You're just having a crisis of confidence. Looks aren't everything. God knows if they were, I wouldn't have gotten married. My husband would have run screaming.
2006-10-05 04:13:07 · answer #1 · answered by tinkerbell24 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You were infatuated by her through the internet for 6 months then this infatuation heightened through the phone for 3 months and finally you personally met her and asked to marry her and now you are seeking to dissolve the marriage.
Man, this is sheer fantasy; whatever your age, your actions just show how immature you are. Where has that gorgeous face you were once attracted to gone?
Remember that marriage is an emotional bonding between husband and wife in which each meets the unseen needs of the other.Hence a decision to marry should not be based on feelings or attractiveness alone as love is a deliberate choice to commit oneself to another in a way that is unselfish, unconditional and abiding. A marriage should have intimacy in sharing joy and grief , loneliness and belonging, agony and ecstacy. This type of love is not present at first sight.It must be nurtured and cultivated. It is the type of love that grows in time.
Since you are now embroiled in dilemma, I would advise you to visit a Catholic centre and enquire about Marriage Encounter.It is a Catholic expression open to all married couples, regardless of faith, race, age, education or financial status.The Marriage Encounter weekend is a positive and personal experience offering married couples an opportunity to learn a technique of loving communication between husbands and wives.It is not a time to look at the past, but rather to look to the future together. The weekend provides a conducive environment for couples to spend time together, away from the distractions and tensions of everyday life, while encouraging them to focus on each other and their relationship.
Your marriage deserves this kind of attention! I urge you to take this offer as it will turn your romantic marriage into a pragmatic one.Your wife is already showing her side of commitment and even if fate changed it, I think she wouldn't waver in her love for you.A marriage can never be too good mate, just stick to the positives she possesses and discard the negatives thus you will change the bitter taste of a lemon into an enjoyable lemonade.
2006-10-05 06:10:37 · answer #2 · answered by marizani 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honey you just did. What is it that is not appealing to you physically? Is it something you can ignore (imagine a centerfold) or are you unable to rise to the occasion? Maybe you married someone that is just your best friend material. Discuss the qhysical side with her and see what she has to say about it. Maybe she is willing to do somethings to bring you around. You do have to have physical attraction.. not required all the time. Unless you are both willing to live in a sexless marraige. And there is always the possibilities of an open marraige.. though you fringe that subject on your own. Anyhow, it is not a good basis to seperate already, if it is only sometimes that you don't find her attractive. Try to pinpoint when and why, and see if you and your wife can work this out together. And congratulations.
2006-10-05 04:15:53 · answer #3 · answered by WifeandMom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to have a talk with her. Do it while you're cuddling. Do it one step at a time. Very slowly. One night mention that you find a certain things attractive in girls. Don't hint, but tell her that it would be cool if she tried out a few things. Like wearing sexy stuffs, or doing diff things in bed. And acting like a **** as well. I said acting, cuz it is a turn on when decent, cute girls suddenly loses it and grabs ur stuff and stick it in. So tell her ur fantasies and how used to fantasise about girls, the way they look, the way they dress, act etc.
Then tell her when you first saw her, you knew she was the one and that she would love you and make sure to be willing to do stuffs to really make feel happy and attractive.
But if you don't find her attractive cuz of weght issues, then tell her and see how much she really loves you. She should try to lose weight. If it's about gaining weight, then fatten her up.
If you don't find her attractive about physical parts, then please don't tell her to get surgery or stuff like that. Then leave her and be happy. Sure you'll break her heart. But you don't know that you've already broke her heart since the day you met. You were dumb enough to not actually spend quality time before getting married. What were you thinking?
Anyway, just make sure you leave her better off than to just suddenly disappear from her life. Atleast prepare her that you're not happy and you wanna move out of this marriage.
A friend
Raf
2006-10-05 04:15:47 · answer #4 · answered by R. 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Basically, you just made yourself look like a shallow idiot. You have no respect for the sanctity of marriage, noe respect for the girl and no respect for yourself. you are supposed to think these major decisions through rather than get married after a few months or get seperated after a few days dfor that matter. Honestly you should just get a life or may be try the other sex as ny friend just said. Its men like you who make us women want to give up on your sex completely
2006-10-05 04:45:13 · answer #5 · answered by trini_rocker 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow, that was a quick one, take a deep breath and talk to the girl, perhaps you need to go back to basics and start dating again, it sounds like you did not get much of a chance to do the normal things as your relationship began on line. You really need to assess how you feel and if you really think you could stay in the relationship. Don't give up at this first hurdle, give it 100% effort to try and make it work out, then take it from there.
2006-10-05 05:20:11 · answer #6 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ya know most people get to know the person that they are committing to spending the rest of thier life with. You ran out done this foolish thing by marrying this girl with no clue what love is! I say get a divorce and let her find a man that loves her. Do it before you go and decide to have children! And by the way the saddest part of all of this is that she propably deeply loves you.Do her and yourself a favor from now on use your head for more than just a place to put your hat!
2006-10-05 04:15:42 · answer #7 · answered by blueblossom33 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It sounds as if you got married on a whim. How did she suddenly undergo such a startling transformation from gorgeous to physically unattractive in such a short time? It sounds as if you are fickle got married for the wrong reasons. If you end it now, you can get the marriage annulled and then move on. And you might want to discover why you proposed to her on the day you met her and got married to someone you didn't know well. You might also want to get some counseling for your "impulsivity" issues.
2006-10-05 04:12:29 · answer #8 · answered by cheyennetomahawk 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
sounds like you have fallen out of love as quickly as you fell in love. End it now before it turns bitterand remember its about you not the cost of the wedding or the families. Act quickly and you may salvage a friendship.
2006-10-05 05:26:30 · answer #9 · answered by cr 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's tough dude --- sounds like the hormones were in hire gear when you asked her to marry you. Now that things have calmed down, and the hormones have relaxed --- reality is flashing back -- I would give it another year and see what happens --- do not make anymore hasty decisions like you did before --- give it some time.
2006-10-05 04:12:30 · answer #10 · answered by brainfreeze007 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋