What makes wifes cheat and then beg for their husbands back?

Question

My wife had an affair and then got caught and now is begging for forgiveness. What makes one cheat on thier husband and then say they cant imagine living without them. I still believe she loves me but I struggle with understanding why people are so willing to have an affair. It gets more complecated. We have a 7 year old daughter together and wife is pregnant now and we dont think it is mine. The affair started as a freindship then progressed and they wound up having sex three times over a few month period. Can women be caught in an affair and still be in love with their husband? I am torn up with this whole situation.

Answer 1

I believe thats its possible to cheat and still love your husband. I dont know what her motive was and because she got caught I'm sure she is just as sorry as she claims to be. I say this because Ive traveled this road only the roles were reversed he cheated on me. I loved him enough to forgive him and take him back only to have it done to me again. Now I'm separated. My point is, if you love her enough to forgive her, do that, but understand that in the back of your mind youre always gonna wonder if she will do it again. I symphathize with you because not only do you have to deal with her cheating, you have the possibility of this not being your child. Now you have to ask yourself are you willing to take care of someone elses child in the event it isnt yours. I commend you if you are, because most men are not. Keep your head up sweetie, be strong and by all means, always think about your daughter first. I seriously wish you the best.

Answer 2

IMHO, Women cheat because of one or more of the following reasons: something is missing at home, there is something they arent getting, they feel taken for granted, unappreciated,

Some may think the grass is greener on the other side, they do it for the thrill, the passion, the excitement, the fun. When you have an affair you dont talk about bills, kids, responsibility, it's you, the new person and you get wisked away in a moment.

It's a break from reality, a break from the norm, and same old daily routine. It's nice to be lusted after by another man, it's an ego booster, and maybe they arent getting complimented by their husband like they once did.
I do believe a woman can be caught up in an affair and still love her husband, however now that it's all on the table marriage counseling needs to come into the picture. As far as this baby, you need to do a paternity test

Answer 3

I'm dealing with a similar situation. She's not pregnant and as far as I can tell did not get physical. The emotional scars are there as they are with you.

I think what would tip the scales for me would be if the child she's carrying was not mine. I think I would have a great deal of disrespect or the child (which would be wrong on my part). Every time I looked at the child it would make me think about his private parts being in hers.

Even with my wife having what I feel was a non-sexual affair, I don't know if our marriage is going to last. It's been an extremely painful experience.

As far as getting caught and still being in love, you lost a part of her you more than likely may never regain. Then again, if she comes clean and REALLY tells you why she did it you may be able to fill that void.

Answer 4

Man, what a deep hole of junk you fell into. Neither you nor this guys wife knows what type and kind of so called man that this dude is. He goes from wanting to be a father to wanting to kill the baby. He wants his wife, then don't, then he does want her again. What a mess. Yeah, I think that you should tell his wife, his Mother, and the entire world if they will listen as to what this guy is doing and has done. You are not a Saint, but none of us are. You made a mistake no doubt, but so did he and his wife. Look out for number one. YOU. Raise the baby by yourself if you have to. Do you want the baby? I hope so. This creep of a boy trying to be a man is nothing but trouble. Cheats on his wife, you guys get pregnant, then he wants no part of it. Too bad. He has no choice now. It is all up to what you decide to do and what you want. Not his decision here. If he doesn't want the baby, fine, but he needs to help you support the baby and raise the little thing which I doubt very seriously if he even has a clue to what is involved in raising a baby. Good Luck and may God Bless you. You do need help.

Answer 5

In these kinds of situations, you have to look at the big picture. Did you ask why she cheated on you in the first place? Was it because she felt she just needed more attention? Do one of you like sex more often than the other (often a big motivator)? Are you not providing the adequate amount of pleasure she prefers? Perhaps she is just a childish, selfish woman... I have no clue. This is where the husband/wife need to open the lines of communication. I know it's hard because you feel betrayed, but wouldn't you want to know why? The whole pregnancy might be someone else's, that's messed up. Demand a paternity test if you are worried it's not yours. If it's not then you will have to decide if this is really worth all the upset to not only you, but your daughter. You both deserve more than that. I wish you luck.

Answer 6

If your wife loved you she wouldn't have cheated on you.
People cheat because of a lack of communication. If she was unhappy about something she should have spoke up to you about it. Instead, she took matters into her own hands and cheated instead.
The plot gets thicker as you say the child may not be yours. Here's my instant advice, when the baby is born you need to get a DNA test. You'll find out if the baby is yours. I believe either way if the baby is yours or not that you should leave (you could get joint custody of the baby [if it's yours] and your 7 yr old and love them just the same). You have to analyze your wife's behavior. If she loved you, why did she cheat? And if she loved you but just had to cheat, why the hell didn't she use protection? Cheating itself is a horrible thing but not wearing protection while your cheating with another man is absolutely ridiculous.
Now, of course this will be hard on your 7 year old but you have to be honest with her. Staying together for the kids sake will not make them happier people, trust me, because my parents did that for me and I grew up to realize my childhood was a lie. You deserve something better then this. She isn't worthy of you forgiving her because she wasn't thinking about you when she was having an affair and unprotected relations!
She wants you to forgive her because you're her husband, you work to support the kids, and without you she'll probably be nothing. But that's what she should have thought about earlier and since she didn't she'll have to suffer the consequences of infidelity.

Answer 7

Insecurity, Was she molested or abused as a child?Perhaps she never told anyone about the abuse. What was her family life like when she was growing up. All these are factors. She needs to get into Counseling, and so do you. You now have to deal with "can you ever trust her again?" "Will she do it again?" Your feelings count too!! You both need to get to the real reason she did this. Hopefully the new baby is yours but if it's not and you forgive her and take her back are you prepared to raise another mans child? Will he be in the picture? You have a lot to sort through. I'm praying you'll make it through this together.You have an Innocent 7 year old that will be affected too.

Answer 8

You are confusing sex with love. She loves you, she had sex with some fling. She had the affair because she was bored, wanted excitement and needed outside validation that she was still a hot and desirable women. Has nothing to do with you or your daughter, she did this for her. And that is why she wants forgiveness. You should forgiver he and figure out how the two of you can re-spice up your marriage... my thought would be both of you getting off the internet and into each other.

Answer 9

Personally I believe that a women/man can cheat and still be in love with their spouse. Perhaps, they just becomed unexcited in their sex life and are looking for something to spice things up. Also they could do it just to feel that they are desirable. Being married is great but some important factors get put on the back burner such as compliments and romance. None of it is your fault. Your wife should be strong enough to say no but sometimes the thoughts of bad things like cheating are the biggest turn ons.

Answer 10

I'm sorry that you're going through this. Yes, I think they can. But there is no guarantee that they do, nor will it happen again. You have to think about what is best for you AND your daughter. Could you raise the baby she's pregnant with if it's not yours? People who cheat on spouses have no respect for their spouses. I know, because my husband cheated on my 5 years ago. I feel for you, and understand what you're going through. Make sure you go to your doctor, or the local STD clinic to be tested for sexually transmitted diseases. The STD clinic is cheap, and the doctor's office is VERY expensive. I had to be tested every 3 months for the first year, now just once a year. If you haven't, trust me, it's worth it!