Has anyone's relationship turned abusive after they got married, instead of before?

Question

Getting married Saturday and concerned about a couple of things in my relationship.

Answer 1

mine did. Looking back I saw the signs but did not know what they meant.
IF you are concerned about some things in your relationship then you should really think about waiting until you are sure.

Look at how your finace treats his mother- is he bad mouthing her- then he will do that to you. ( even if she deserves it that line of thinking will flow over to you eventually )
How does he treat animals- does he care for them or does he treat them as pests and kick them out of his way ( or do worse things to them )
Is he respectful to you? Does he lift you up when you are down or does he kick you further down?
Does he truly listen when you talk or does he make light of your feelings and bypass hearing you to tell you what to do?
Does he demand to be treated as king? OR does he help you out as well. ( this can be from picking up his own underwear to washing dishes- or at least getting them to the sink- to paying bills )
Does he have set roles for the man and woman? it is the man's place to take out the garbage and the woman's place to cook dinner - that sort of thing.
Does he respect your need for privacy or does he barge in? Or does he demand respect for his private space without respecting yours?
Does he demand sex even when you are sick or does he tell you that if you don't put out someone else will?
Does he hold money over your head- say gets mad at you and then refuses to go to work or treats you like crap and then " makes up " for it by buying you a gift. Or tells you that because you did not do what he said to do he made himself feel better with a big purchase that puts you in the hole on your finances.
Does he hit the wall when he is mad- he will eventually hit you. That is done to " get you in line " and it will flow over to hitting you because no matter what the temper will get worse and the line drawn will become closer to you every time.

All of these are signs of an abuser. There are 5 types of abuse: mental, physical, emotional, sexual and financial.

If your fiance' is showing any signs of becoming an abuser please do not hesitate to call off the wedding until you both get counseling. And yes you will both need it. You will both have to learn how to relate in a different way and that takes effort on both people's part.

Good luck and GOD bless.

Answer 2

*with such vague details, it was hard to come up with an answer*

If you're asking this question, obviously you've picked up some sort of signal from your fiance. I would advice you not to go through with this marriage if there is any doubt at all. Talk to the pastor, family, whomever you think will remain unbiased. Worrying about everyone being upset over a canceled wedding (if it comes to this) is not as important as the fact that you have to spend the rest of your life with this person.

And yes, I have heard of women who do not discover that their husband is abusive until after the ink is dry on the wedding certificate. There are some great actors out there. One automatically assumes there will be things that 'show', but this is not always the case. Watch how he reacts when you're arguing, when you provoke him (and yes, *sigh* all women do this, we know men's buttons), etc.

If you do decide to go ahead on Saturday, make sure you don't rush into having children right away. Give yourself a chance to feel things out before adding another factor into the equation. I wouldn't want to drag children into something like that. I hope that you make the best decision for YOU. Good luck. =)

Answer 3

My mom and dad got married and everything was fine until a couple of months later he became really abusive and when I was 6 my mom ended up leaving my dad because he started getting abusive twards me. He was an alchoholic though so that probably had a big part to do with it. If you love this guy and think that he would never do anything to hurt you or upset you then get married, but before you do I would talk to him and tell him what you are concerned about. Thats what I would do.

Answer 4

Oh honey!!! If you are having concerns with something that you feel could lead to any form of abuse.....don't do it!!!

Yes, if a man has a tendancy to be controlling, that gets worse once you become "his property". You will be living with this person, dealing with financial stress, stress from children possibly, and just everyday life. Those things can cause people to show sides of themselves that aren't pretty. If you know going in that he could have signs of an abuser, why would you ever want to take that risk? Please be careful, and reconsider. Maybe you could put it on hold until you are able to resolve some of your fears. Saturday???? You probably are in a little too deep to just be able to make a clean break, but if nothing else, I suggest counceling immediately following "I do"!!

Good luck--I feel for you! Please try to make the decision that is best for YOU! Don't let your decision be based on the fear of what others may think. This is your life we are talking about!

Answer 5

I can not say that I have experienced this personally but I have heard of stories like this. It has more to do with the man wanting to be in control. If I were you get help from someone immeditately. Even if you do not think he would hurt you serverely there is a chance. If he is going to hurt you then he has a problem and most likely without you pointing it out he will continously hurt you. Also, I would suggest not to talk to him alone in case it upsets him and sends him into a rage. If you need anything please feel free to contact me.

Answer 6

if you have concerns they will just escalate after.
What things are they?
I got married to a nymphomaniac, big mistake.
My x husband was fine b4 marriage and a f*k*e*n
pig after, domestic violence mental abusive called me every name under the sun, i wasnt allowed to go anywhere, i had no support around me at that time so basically i was with a horrible person, in a remote area, i couldnt drive, which would of suited him, so i was basically stuck at home with 2 children, one which was not his, and i stayed with that a hole for 5 years too long
Now i am with an angel.
IM me if you need to talk futrthur, [e-mail]

Answer 7

good female, you're seeing the signs and indicators early, get out now at the same time as you could, dont look again. females who stay in an abusive marrage for any length of time run the authentic probability of being murdered. The abuse will only worsen have self belief me. once you're nonetheless good in recommendations and body get out now because in some better years time you wont have any self self belief left to get out...you'll start up to have self belief like tens of millions of different females who've been abused that they deserved it. Dont wait till you've toddlers, please do your self a favour, stumble on a guy who wont abuse you....there are thousands of accessible adult adult males out their who recognize and love their females...locate truly a kind of. inspite of you do, do no longer sense sorry for this guy...he will play each trick contained in the e book to keep you in this relationship...he will make all styles of grants that he will not in any respect do it again....Nope, it doesnt happen. %. your baggage and get out. Dont tell him you're going because he would harm you if he's pre warned....make the flow, then contact him by skill of letter...do no longer enable him recognize the position you reside and also contact your interior of sight kin violence protect for help. Be prepared for him to get nasty....yet he can get as nasty as he likes as long as you aren't any more below an same roof as him and as long as you get your self some help. it really is an exceedingly difficult flow to make, yet have self belief me in case you dont go away him now you'll sense sorry about it for some thing of your life. good success....yet better than that...you want good help and a good good opinion of your self.

Answer 8

Yes, my ex husband became VERY abusive after the wedding. It was a site I had never seen before while we were dating. He almost killed me during the 7 years I stayed with him. If you have concerns now, don't put yourself through it. Follow your heart.

Answer 9

My sister has this problem. When she was dating her husband he was the sweetest and most affectionate man. About 4 yrs into their marriage he started getting more volatile. HE started screaming, then it escalated into hitting or shoving. My sister is still with him and as he has aged he has mellowed a little but he still has moments when he scares me and her. If you think he will change for the better after marriage you may want to re think this.

Answer 10

My marriage was fine until I had my sons, then all hell broke lose, cheating, abuse, on line cheating you name it.

If you are concerned about your relationship, you need to address them before you get married or don't get married at all.