He also dont mind that I am sleeping maybe 3 hours a night to try to keep up with his demands .He sleeps from 8 to 12 hours a night.He also rattles off a list of chores every morning and a time I should have them done such as you have 20 min to do dishes 10 min to clean floor ect. ect. ect.He calls this my job yet I have to beg for money.I think Im becomeing depressed. Short of leaveing him what can I do to help him see he is an azzhole?
2006-10-05 03:01:01 · 33 answers · asked by Lilly K 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
don't waste your time, he'll never see it. he'll never change either, he'll just become more of the same. and if you let this continue, you're going to continue to spiral down into an oblivion of depression , self-loathing and bitterness. when you look back on your life in 20 years, you'll be filled with regret for a life wasted on someone who didn't even care about you. if you even live that long, that is. with depression comes lots of health problems. and you'll have a prince of a guy for a caretaker! you are responsible for your own happiness, so get the hell away from him (stay with a friend, crises center, anywhere is better than there) you can do it and be a much better person after all is said and done. life is much too short to waste one day being miserable. take the first step and you won't believe the weight that will be lifted from your tired, unappreciated shoulders. good luck!
2006-10-05 03:12:41 · answer #1 · answered by jules 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
He is what is known as a control freak. In addition to his already unpleasant behavior towards you, he may eventually move on to physical abuse. Now he is at the stage of emotional abuse, trying to make you feel inadequate and subservient. I'm sorry, but there is no cure for this type of behavior. You need to get out NOW while you are still physically intact. I know it will be hard to leave your home and all you've worked to put together, but you really have to. The alternative is much, much worse!
Find a safe place to escape to - a relative, friend, or even a battered women's shelter - you are being emotionally battered! Then get a lawyer and start the process of getting this creep out of your life. Do it today! You can look for a job - one that only takes 8 hours a day! - as soon as you are in a safe place. The lawyer should be able to get you enough money to tide you over until you can get settled in your new life. (Depending on the state, you are probably entitled to half of the possessions and money from the marriage.)
Do not "talk to him" - that may start him hitting you, and you cannot talk him out of this behavior, which is really a mental illness. Just get out. Fast. Don't tell him you are leaving - just wait until you know he will be gone for a few hours and pack up the most important things you need and GET OUT. Talking to him is a very, very bad idea - he is too sick to be reasoned with.
Good luck, dear - you have some hard days ahead, but a year from now you will be extremely glad you did not stay in this abusive environment.
Added: while I was typing this you were given some very dangerous advice. If you confront him in any way or refuse to pick up his messes, you could easily end up injured or dead. You don't need any "trial separation" - he is sick, and he can't change just by wanting to or talking to a counselor. YOU MUST GET OUT FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY - THE SOONER THE BETTER!
2006-10-05 03:19:56 · answer #2 · answered by Maple 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Give him a list of your demands, you have been doing exactly what he wants and he has become accustom to it. He sounds like a genuine ***. Stop picking up after him, leave his dirty clothes alone, just do your own stuff. With further info on if your a stay home mom would be more helpful as that job always go unappreciated by many. Take a course in something that interest you, put time into yourself and feel good about you.
2006-10-05 03:15:42 · answer #3 · answered by Gabriele 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Putting up with that kind of stuff for even a short period of time is going to make it hard to stop. You should have put your foot down the first time he tried to tell you all these things. But you didn't so now you are stuck dealing with it. Anyway, the best way to tell him that you don't want things to be like that is to just tell him. Tell him nicely that you will do the dishes on your own time and that you will sleep when you are tired for as long as you need to. Letting him know that you are changing the rules will probably land you in a bad place with him but it will be worth it. We are not here to wait on men hand and foot. We are here to do our part and so are they. Even if you feel weak inside you have to pretend you are strong and stand up to him. Give him no choice. Tell HIM how it is. If he wants to be with you he will just have to accept it. And he knows he is being a jerk. He is doing it because you are letting him. Remember your life is your own. You are not here to live for anyone else. Watch yourself if you are a mother.... would you want your kids to live like that. It's not as hard as you think to become a strong woman. All you have to do is do it. Good luck to you.
2006-10-05 03:17:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anna 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He knows he's an azzhole! I recommend you leave him at once.Just pack up one day while he is at work and get out.Why on earth would you want to be a slave?You will become suicidal if you dont leave.You will get so low you think of yourself as a piece of crap.Seriously show yourself some respect and leave!!! There are to many people to choose from in the world to stay one more day with him.
2006-10-05 05:16:33 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
From a husband's perspective... tell him to piss off. He sounds controlling and rude. Try to get him to counseling. If that doesn't work you have two choices. Keep being his slave, or divorce. Its not unreasonable to expect some house work to be done if you don't work. If you have a full time outside job as well, then it should be 50/50. Also, some people need a budget, others are more responsible with money. Either way, you two need to communicate, figure out a solution and move on.
2006-10-05 03:09:42 · answer #6 · answered by backdoc 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would leave him, even for a short period of time, if you think you can not live without him. But I'm pretty sure you can.
Why did you marry him in the first place ? It seems to me he has low self esteem, as do you, to be putting up with his nonsense, and he needs something to make him feel powerful.
Was this an arranged marriage ? Where are you from ?
2006-10-05 03:07:09 · answer #7 · answered by TeQuiLaSuNriSe 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OMG!! You need to tell him it's counseling or a trial seperation. See how he handles all those chores and the lack of sleep, not to mention the lack of affection as well! He is being a total a**hole! I'm having issues with my husband right now too so if you want to chat feel free to email me:) Good Luck and don't let him stomp on you like that!! :)
2006-10-05 03:04:43 · answer #8 · answered by patti_jim_reynolds 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I seriously doubt you're going to convince him of this. He's obviously a dominating control freak. If you don't have children, I would certainly wait until this matter was resolved, if it can be. I can certainly see how you would become depressed in this situation. You might consider seeing a counselor, but I would just tell him, next time he started spouting off orders like to drill sargeant, to simply kiss my ***, and he could do it himself. Tell him since he obviously knows exactly what needs to be done, he ought to just go do it himself.
2006-10-05 03:12:05 · answer #9 · answered by drbernice843 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hit him upside the head with something, then leave his butt and let him do all his own chores for a while. Your not a wife your a maid, a Dr. a sex slave, a cook, a dish washer, etc. etc. One day you will wake up and be tired of being his doormat.
2006-10-05 03:04:06 · answer #10 · answered by blwatson41 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋