I hate being tickled, how do I make my husband understand this? I'm really not comfortable being touched other than just a hug, I've been working on making myself endure other "marital" touching (I don't like that either, it's very unpleasant/uncomfortable, but force myself to do it to keep him happy), but when he tickles me it just ruins my ability to trust that my body is safe with him at all. I was misused as a child, and he knows this. I've told him before that I don't like being tickled. I thought he understood, but I guess he doesn't.
I love him madly, and I know he loves me, but it's getting to the point where I almost don't want him to touch me at all, because it's so miserable!
How do I deal with this?
2006-10-05 02:47:03 · 31 answers · asked by mmw 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't dislike all touching; I love his hugs and kisses, and just being held, but any more than that is unpleasant.
He knew I had issues before we got married (and married me anyway- when he's not being physical, the man is wonderful), and the idea was that my love for him would help me open up and learn to trust him with my body. Well, it hasn't worked particularly well.
Is there such a thing as a worthwhile counselor? I haven't met a one that was "worth the powder to blow them up"... and I don't have the money to waste.
2006-10-05 09:27:18 · update #1
You just have to tell him more emphatically until he gets the message. Whenever he tickles you, immediately stop whatever you're doing and say, "I really hate being tickled, don't do it to me. It bothers me a lot". Don't say it with a smile, either. This is serious to you, so make sure you present it as a serious matter.
If all you're saying is "Please stop that", that isn't enough to convey how much it troubles you. Don't be shy about using strong words like "hate", sometimes we males need to be whacked over the head with a club (figuratively speaking) before we get the point.
2006-10-05 02:56:10 · answer #1 · answered by Bramblyspam 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he might have a tickle fetish. People that have tickle fetishes are sexually arosed by tickling. I could type a lot more on the subject, but there are quite a few web sites about the subject. Just go to your favorite search engine and type in the word "tickling" and you'll see.
People with tickle fetishes fall into one of three categories: ticklers, meaning they prefer to give tickling rather than recieve it (sounds like your hubby); ticklees, meaning they prefer to recieve tickling as opposed to giving it (this one is probably hard for you to understand since you hate tickling, but some people really get something out of being tickled for extended periods of time); or switches, meaning they can be ticklers or ticklees.
You might want to do some online research and show your husband some of the pages about tickling. I'm not trying to justify what he does to you. If you don't like being tickled, he should respect that. I learned this lesson the hard way, because when I was a junior in high school, I had a boyfriend break-up with me because I wouldn't stop tickling him. But this might be of interest to your husband, getting him to channel his fondness for tickling somewhere else, assuming he has a tickle fetish.
Now, I'm not a relationship counselor, so I can't guarantee any of this. But I really hope this is of some help to you.
2006-10-05 22:31:39 · answer #2 · answered by Kirstin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From what I've been able to glean from your post, I'll say a couple of things. It sounds as if you have an aversion to physical intimacy. This probably means your love-life isn't all it should be; and my guess is that your husband is frustrated by this.
If you've been very clear to your husband that you hate being tickled, and he continues to do it, my opinion is that he's acting out his sexual frustrations by making you suffer as he's suffering.
Look, I'm not a counselor, and I could be wrong; but I don't see this as something you "deal" with. BOTH of you have serious issues of intimacy and trust and I'd strongly recommend you get marital counseling, otherwise the frustration for both of you could poison the relationship altogether.
2006-10-05 09:55:28 · answer #3 · answered by Jack 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should sit down and talk to him about. It you love each other you will surely be able to work it out. Tell him honestly how it makes you feel. Tell him how much you love him, and remind him what being tickled makes you feel like inside. Often because we laugh people think it is "fun" and "enjoyable" He may not truly understand the extent of what it does to you. I can't imagine that he would still do it if he did, especially if he does love you. I am sure he wants you to be happy too. I hope this helps. Good Luck!
2006-10-05 09:48:48 · answer #4 · answered by poisonivy4913 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him honestly exactly how it makes you feel. Also tell him that further tickling will lead to you not being able to be with him anymore, as it is detrimental to your mental health.
Honestly though, if you are really that uncomfortable with physical contact, some counseling may be in order. It might just be the thing you need to save your marriage
2006-10-05 09:50:47 · answer #5 · answered by shauny2807 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow. you need to both get into counseling now its more than just tickles and you know it. he's doing it to make you smile but. i've been in his shoe's and he feels helpless about your past so he's doing what seems right dont sit around and let your marriage dissolve because make no mistake it is if thats the way you feel about contact. sex should be a beautiful thing not just something you let happen. dont wait! pick up the phone and call because tommorrow is to late and you sound like you wana stay married.
2006-10-05 10:05:30 · answer #6 · answered by crank 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pretend to faint. The main issue is what happened as a child. Have you sought any help from a group in your situation? I'm sorry you were abused,and know you must still find it hard to trust people. You can't have a proper relationship with your husband until you can trust him. Ignoring your requests is'nt the way he'll gain that trust. Good luck PS...ANYONE KNOW WHY THAT DUMBO KNOWN AS "M" INSISTS ON GIVING DATING LINKS ?
2006-10-05 09:53:52 · answer #7 · answered by Taylor29 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
kick him in the sac one time and tell him that's how tickling feels to you. It sucks that you have to endure marital touching. It probably just hasn't ever been done to you in the right setting at the right time. See a counselor.
2006-10-05 09:51:43 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is odd not liking to be touched and married as well. Touching in the right way should be a way of letting each other know you love them. Now there is a negative way to touch which will be a big turn off. But as I remember each person needs 12 positive touches each day to feel complete.
2006-10-05 09:50:57 · answer #9 · answered by Ben M 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, I can understand the temptation to tickle a ticklish significant other. But, he should also respect your likes and dislikes. I think the others have given pretty good advice, and I will just reinforce the suggestion that you talk to him about it.
2006-10-06 21:07:13 · answer #10 · answered by I'm Still Here 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋