I have been going out with a girl now for 6 months,it feels like longer because we have done so much in that time.She has a child from a previous relationship who I have grown quite attached to,I treat her as if she is my own.A few months back the girlfriend went out and kissed someone else (A long term friend) she told me about it, and I respected this and forgave her.Ever since that day two or three nights a week in at silly 'o' clock she has been having texts and calls of the guy she kissed.This annoyed me and I started to wonder if there was something going on, but i didn't say anything as i didn't want to seem over protective!Everything was going well,we planned on marriage and another baby, everything I’ve always wanted.This week we have had an argument,she tells me she needs space and time.Friday night she ends up drunk and sleeping with the guy in question.I saw her last night and she told me everything.I love her so much but I can’t help feeling I’ve been took for a joke.Help!
2006-10-05 02:46:25 · 16 answers · asked by Dean M 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Dude....Dump her....first off you don't want the baggage of the child...and she already lied to you within the first 6 months...Grab your balls and get out of the relationship..it know its gonna hurt and ur gonna be sad but take it as a lesson. She is a single mom for a reason. and if she can't go six months without cheating then ur in for a real hard relationship.
2006-10-05 02:49:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
First off, Derek J is an asshole. "the baggage of the child" 'Shes a single mother for a reason'? what the hell is wrong with you??
Second of all, I am sorry to hear about your situation. I can't really tell you not to forgive her, because my boyfriend cheated on me two days before we got married. I would have never known if he hadnt told me. He says it was drunken stupor, but it still caused me not to marry him although we are still together because i accepted his apology. Everyone makes mistakes. BUT it doesnt really look like your girlfriend just 'made a mistake' she has been doing this for a while behind your back. There's a big difference.
Even though my boyfriend only did it once and immediately confessed, I still think about it sometimes during intimate times and it really kills it. Think about how your love life or life with her in general is going to be with all the questioning coming from your brain and heart...
2006-10-05 03:21:58 · answer #2 · answered by Barbi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that it is time for you to find someone else. Once a cheater always a cheater. If she truly cared about you then she would have never kissed this guy to begin with. I think that she cares for you enough to tell you the truth but not enough to be faithful to you. You will find someone who will love you as much as you love them who wont do anything to hurt you in any way. I was going to get married this Aug, 5 2006 and I found out that he was looking around for something better. As much as I loved him I had to leave because if he was looking for something more before we got married then how would it be when we did get married. Now I am so happy tha I moved on, Maybe you will be happy moving on as well. Good Luck!
2006-10-05 03:09:19 · answer #3 · answered by smarshall_inspring 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
lol. Hey guess what? It happened to me. You know when? 4 nights ago. I realized we were having so much fun that I got sucked in to her world and lost myself in the process.
All the other nice folk who advised you were basically right. However, do not be a coward. You have a certain feeling that you need to stay but you're not sure what it is. I wasn't sure either. I know for sure it's not love. And in your case, that should be the case. She slept with someone. Your love for her is gone. You just dont' know it. Some ppl kill, some ppl, destroy, some ppl run away crying, some ppl stay and sulk.
Here's what I'm doing: I've stopped staying over at her place. Did not have a conversation more than a few mins tops since then, and told her I'm coming to pick my stuffs up. I'm not leaving her. But my mind's changed. I would spend time with her. Only when she's enters my world. I will make it easy for her too. I was being that guy she wiped her feet off, I was being that guy who was that little poodle barking around for attention. Just cuz I was good at sex wasn't apparently good enough. So don't you get it?
Just understand that now you gotta change your mindset. Whatever happens, do not stay over, not even if she begs you to. If your close to her kid, fine, spend time with the kid when you visit them. Just leave her alone. Let her sort her life out. Let her do whatever, whoever she wants to.
Instead of using emtions like anger and frustration control you, you learn to control them. Don't let them change into despair, or anger, or suffering. Just control them. Share this with your friends and get their support, spend more time to the things you wanted to do when you were single. Remember the things which you stopped caring about ever since you met her? Yes. Those. Start investing time on those things.
Start shopping around. Date a few nice women. Get busy. But sure, go see her now and again. But on your own terms. If she wants to see you, your busy. When you want some, call her, and tell her you're coming over, if she says she's busy, tell her that's cool and hang up. Don't call her until she calls you again. Then say your busy. Again you call her some other day and fix a time. This time she will be waiting. Or keep repeating until she gets it through her head. Cuz mate, you lasted 6 months, you must have satisfied her a lot. In the process you fell for her. lol.
Because you're here in yahoo asking around, it shows you have stepped out of her world. But your head's still stuck inside. So do yourself a favor and pull your head out and go back to yours.
It's hard but if you just leave her now, or stay the way you are, then either way dude, you will feel like crap. Sure if you leave her you'll cut your losses, but instead of dealing with it like a man, if you just be the first to end it, then you're wrong. She said she needed space. She already ended it. Now if you walk off, you're reacting to her.
Stop reacting and be proactive. Let her react.
Be the flame. Not the moth.
Allah Hafez
Your friend, Raf
2006-10-05 03:21:42 · answer #4 · answered by R. 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you. You deserve so much better than that. I think I would feel the same way, the sad thing is why did she let you and her child get close? Its not fair to either one of you and plus it gives the child the immpression that this is the proper behavior for relationships. So unhealthy. I would just move forward and not look back. I know that sounds harsh but I look at it like once a cheater always a cheater. Good Luck
2006-10-05 02:56:46 · answer #5 · answered by Trinity 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not take her back. She is using you and if she lied to you in the first 6 mos about kissing and sleeping with someone else, then she will most definitely do it again. Unfortunately the child will end up with the short end of the stick b/c of this woman. She is obviously selfish and stupid to act that way if she is a parent. Cut your losses before you get any deeper into the relationship.
2006-10-05 02:56:21 · answer #6 · answered by bhlangdon 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey man I had a girl cheat on me and let me tell you, Will not think clearly cause you will be thinking with your heart and not your head. My girl cheated on me and I forgave her, and wanted her back. She wanted to break up and we did but i told her she can always come back. Weeks and months went by and my thought process change and now if she wants me back i would say no. IMO if she cheats on you once it will happen again (this goes for anyone not just girls). Think about this. She cheated on you. Can you look in her eyes and really forgive her or do you still see her with the other guy? Trust me man that thought will just eat you up inside.
Take my advice move on, realize that things happened for a reason. Just because it happened to you don't go and try cheat on the next one. Hope that helps.
2006-10-05 03:05:51 · answer #7 · answered by vincent21k 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This depends on how deep your love runs. Is she really worth it to keep on playing the fool? Love hurts and it's confusing. You can love someone but you don't have to like them or be with them, and vice versa. But it seems to me that she isn't serious about holding it down with you. Now if she told you she needed space than you can't get mad at that because she initiated being separated from you. So let her go. But honey, everyone plays the fool. But my question is, how long are you gonna play the role for her? Everybody gets used now and then... And we only take what we allow. And I know you feel like you've been taken for a ride, but believe me, join the club. This girl doesn't want a serious relationship, she wants to still play around and have her bites of cake here and there. But you need to do you and weigh out your pros and cons. Obviously the girl don't know where she wants to be, but she's hurting you in the process. If it were me I would let her have pleanty of space and time to figure it out if you still care for her and want to be with her. But honey, some people are hard to change. She can change herself, but that's a long shot. Is your heart worth going through the ringer everytime she wants to be unfaithful? (I would shop around...) Hope this helps, good luck to you.
2006-10-05 03:00:13 · answer #8 · answered by Dr. PHILlis (in training) 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Six months is a really short time when you think about the rest of your life.....Dating is to see if the two people are compatible before marriage......She's really shown who she is in this short period. You're fortunate to have been able to have your eyes open to her before you take the vowels of marriage. Don't ignore her actions !! She's speaking volumes !! Take her advise, give her space, which in turn gives you space...find you a nice girl...you sound like you deserve it !!! Find a singles group at a local church !!! You'll be great once you break away a little and see that there is life outside of her...trust me !!!
2006-10-05 03:03:52 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get some self respect amd move on with your life. She is a slapper and will only do it again, or worse give you something she has picked up somewhere. Think of kissing those lips knowing what she sucked with them, or going down on here wondering who or what was in there before you, and when? Unless you want to be a cuckolded hisband, put some distance between you and groom another xx
2006-10-05 02:54:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋