Your age will shrink you every day,
But she will go on growing,
Creating your tommorrow,
And who knows if you'll be there then?
Never is she truly gone,
Though you can try to leave,
When you move on to better things,
She will just move on with you.
She can and will be anything,
She change on countless times,
Is she your friend or enemy,
Only you can ever decide.
You only can look forward,
Because of what you left behind,
Yet people still underestimate,
The relevance of the past.
2006-10-05 02:06:56 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
It's my favorite of the ones that you've posted to Answers. I like the structure, and how it sort of unwraps itself as it goes, leaving the reader a little bit in the dark about what's being talked about until the final line. It's very much like a nursery rhyme that doesn't rhyme.
Actually, the idea of the nursery rhyme could be useful to you, since your natural poetic voice is very much in keeping with that tradition. Your poems generally try to teach us all a Lesson On Life in much the same manner that nursery rhymes and children's stories do. Maybe you should explore the idea of writing for children.
2006-10-05 02:50:29 · answer #1 · answered by Drew 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WARNING: Constructive criticism
Besides the obvious grammatical errors, it is somewhat slow. I couldn't find the tempo whatsoever. No doubt that you are an amateur poet but at least you are trying. You should consider writing poems that rime first. Only after many years of refining your skill can you move to poetry without rimes. Try starting from Edgar Allan Poe.
Good Luck!
2006-10-05 09:12:48 · answer #2 · answered by blue2monday 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Awesome poem context and story wise, but there are some errors: You do not have to puncuate at the end of every line.
But great work, I love it! Would you mind if I printed it out for personal use?
2006-10-05 09:16:18 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a bit hard to follow and there's just somethink I don't like about the last line. It's almost as if it should say "The relevance of time".
2006-10-05 09:13:31 · answer #4 · answered by mystri 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with the guy that said there is no tempo, none at all, so it was difficult and pain ful to read, but the fact is you are trying and writing poetry is hard so keep at it, cheers
2006-10-05 10:03:48 · answer #5 · answered by ninja cat 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I love it! Keep writing
2006-10-05 09:08:42 · answer #6 · answered by Cherry Berry 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i like it, very well thought and makes you reflect on things you think it's not important...
2006-10-05 09:27:55 · answer #7 · answered by me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its ok, a little hard to follow
2006-10-05 09:08:20 · answer #8 · answered by Sassy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can dig it........are you a published poet yet?
2006-10-05 09:08:57 · answer #9 · answered by crownvic64 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
osam
2006-10-05 09:09:17 · answer #10 · answered by Ana 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋