why do people care so much about what others think of them?

Question

should't it just be the opinion of people who matter to us that should be counted?

Answer 1

You're right, and that's all that matters to me.

Answer 2

I think it is something that is learned. Years ago, when most people lived in small towns, the parents instilled in their children that what other people thought of them was important. And it was then - how you were treated by others depended on how they preceived you.

And while this may not be true today, the basic idea is still being handed down from one generation to the next. Did you ever change your clothes to go to the store? My mother did as she said people would not speak to her if she was not dressed 'correctly'. I must admit that I have done the same thing but not very often anymore.

Answer 3

Ideally, our opinion of ourself should be enough, but what if no one accepts us?

Acceptance for many is a human need that can not go unsatiated. So not feeling accepted by someone we come in to contact with from time to time, we have to work that out through rationalizing or making it change. Otherwise we just feel uneasy. We want to go back in time and get it right like Ground Hog's day or we just want to forget about it and them like the Eternal Sunshine of the Forgotten Mind.

Answer 4

Throughout most of the time humans have lived on earth, we've been living as small bands of hunter-gatherers. Some people call it a "herd" mentality but this is very innacurate. The social structures of herds is MUCH, much different. If you want to look for an analogy in the animal kingdom, look to bands of chimps or baboons. Our social structures are much closer to that - which makes sense since they're our closest relatives.

Anyway, we're designed for the small-group lifestyle, like in a super-small town. In a super small town everybody knows everyone else, and in a sense, everybody matters. And when it comes to a band of hunter gatherers, everybody depends on everybody else for food, shelter, helping with child care, defense of the group, and everything else. So evolving a need for acceptance by everybody makes sense in those conditions. Anybody in the group could be the next one to help you out, provide you with food, or save your life.

The hyper-connected world of today with cities filled with thousands or millions of strangers is a blip on the time scale of human evolution. We really aren't meant to be living like this, but we are, and our original wiring for wanting social acceptance is still in place.

Answer 5

I think we're basically a herd, or tribal animal. Acceptance by the tribal group, and our pecking order in it, determined our survival, so those instincts would be cultivated. In more sophisticated societies, those instincts survive, and are strengthened by more complex structures of acceptance and rejection, from family to playground, and on to social/work groups. It explains why we submit to domination by "priests", or people of "charisma" of all kinds. But if we mature, with a true sense of self-worth (distinct from hubris), we can break free off that dependance on external authority. Then we can yield authority where it is due on the grounds of proven expertise, without relinquishing personal authority and self-assessment; and resist external authority where we believe it is not due. And then we seek the respect of those we respect, in the areas where we think that is due - but only on the basis of being respected for what and who we really are, without fawning pretence. For that we must retain self-respect, first of all.

Answer 6

Ah this is a question that I wanted answered... but I can still help you. People don't want to be thought of in a negative way. Because people have feelings... feelings as in thier expectations of what people think matter. They expect and choose sadness when thought of in a negative way. They choose this because of the expectation of being let down as if it will effect the future... sometimes it does sometimes it doesn't... That's all

Answer 7

I agree with the comment above that we crave acceptance.
Consider the commecials on TV as well, most of the ads are at least saying that we should "appear" to others as normal, attractive, likeable etc.
I tend to be on the side of I only am concerned what my loved ones think of me. Strangers or "acquaintences" are less important. I do not feel like I need to impress or please anyone. But I do care what my family and close friends think of me.

Answer 8

I hope it does but being human we live in a planet full of highly critical and appreciative beings. In addition to this, we have a built-in receiving system that can detect criticism and appreciation even before it is conceived by other people :) See what I mean?

Answer 9

Psychologically, we are herd animals. Therefore we have an instinct for acceptance in the group. But as we have evolved, there is a counter weight of our own sense of individual identity. That, in fact, is what makes us unique as human beings. Keeping that balance between instinct and individuality is what we call maturity.

Answer 10

From a young age our parents tell us to keep clean, to comb our hair etc, because they feel judged as parents by society based on our appearance. Children love eating worms, playing in mud and generally exploring the world, contrary to this teaching. Over the years, the parents win, and pass on this mentality to the next generation, even though it is contrary to our brains impulses.
It's a great shame kids aren.t just allowed to grow naturally.

Answer 11

When it is difficult to impress the people who matter, then some consolation to seek favourable from others atleast , just to satisfy the instinct of security.