worried about him i need any advice if possible please
2006-10-05 01:16:55 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
I think it's too late to attempt to stop this now. It's not possible to be supportive today and then suddenly change, this would be so confusing to your son. You don't say whether you son is gay or heterosexual. Please remember that 14 is quite young to know what you truly want in life, he might change in a few years time, if I were you I'd just be there for him, talk to him and carry on loving him in the unconditional way that you obviously already do.
2006-10-05 01:26:28 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 1⤋
Good for you! You've been supportive-- don't stop. But you are worried if you are doing the right thing. If you weren't worried, it would be bad. I imagine your son has the same ambivalent feelings about following what feels right in his heart and following what society tells him.
As a parent too, I am sure your heart tells you to love your son unconditionally. That way you will keep the doors of communication open. Since he is only 14, there is no way to know if this is a permanent or temporary thing. But only he can know that-- and if you try to make him feel ashamed or force him into therapy it will certainly close the doors forever.
Although some people in society (and in this forum) can't imagine anything more horrific than cross-dressing, try to keep it in perspective. You wouldn't be worried (just a bit perplexed perhaps) if your son decided that he was going to dress like a cowboy. Clothes are only symbols-- pieces of cloth. The shame you and your son may feel is only due to the pressure society places for conformity.
Good luck-- it may not be easy, but love your son, come whatever may.
2006-10-05 09:10:41 · answer #2 · answered by katunich 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest that you seek more professional advice than can be offered here so that your son can learn from people with similar lifestyles the problems he may have in later life so that he can take the steps now to mitigate them. Great for you to be so supporting and I wish that all mothers were the same. Let him be himself as much as possible but do try to set some boundries that he can live within for now. No dressing when guests are in the house etc. etc. Also, check for a support group in your area that can help you more. God loves you for being such an excellent mum!
2006-10-05 08:36:38 · answer #3 · answered by God 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Let him be himself.
As a mother, I could never imagine ever forcing my desires on my son, that's just wrong in everyway.
I love my son unconditionally, as I'm sure you do as well.
I know my son's first love is music, but because I don't have the kind of talent he does I would never think to try to stop him from playing. That's just selfish.
My son has a friend, who's mother I actually went to high school with. Her son/my son's friend, is also extremely talented musically, but she has discouraged him every step of the way only out of her personal experiences with her ex-husband. This kid is naturally talented, she can't extinguish that fire no matter what she says or does. Thankfully her son is aware of why his mother is like that and actually just ignores her half the time.
I'm friends with his mother as we actually grew up together, but we had different sets of friends when we were in school so we didn't know each other well.
But as adults we found we have a lot in common. I understand where her fears come from, but I try to get her to understand that her son is still going have the talents God gave him no matter what she thinks.
She loves her son unconditionally, and even though she doesn't encourage his musical talent, she no longer actively discourages it either.
It's a step in the right direction...she's realizing why she's been so discouraging and is taking steps to heal herself....her son is perfect just the way he is.
I suggest if you are having a hard time with who your son is, you seek professional advise for youself, not him.
You may want to find a community where he fits in so that he doesn't feel out of place.
I suggest PFLAG, even if your son ins't gay and only crossdresses, I can guarantee he will be facing the same challenges that many GLBT's face. I'm sure you'll be welcome as well as your son.
Good luck to both of you,
Always love the gifts you have been given and the challenges you face.
As long as you still have challenges, you're still alive!
2006-10-05 10:44:36 · answer #4 · answered by DEATH 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
LET YOUR CHILD EXPRESS THEMSELF!!! Sorry about that. I had to shout that one over the ignorant people that don't know what they're talking about. I'm a transsexual woman. My parents didn't allow me to transition while I lived under their roof. I've also spoken with many other transgendered individuals. Every single person that didn't express their true self had the same variety of problems: self-destructive behavior, depression, self-image issues, etc... Forcing your child to stop expressing themself and forcing them to be someone they're not is very harmful. There are far too many of us that have attempted suicide at least once because we were forced to be someone that we're not.
2006-10-05 09:43:27 · answer #5 · answered by carora13 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Think about it. If you try to stop it he's going to stay doing it. All kids are rebelious. He might be going through a stage or maybe just wants to be a drag queen. Keep supporting him and just stay loving him for what he is and for what ever desion in life he has. Good luck hunny and I hope everything turns out alright
2006-10-05 09:36:10 · answer #6 · answered by Jennifer 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
support him, he may be transgendered and trying to dress to feel whole. people assume to much that if a male puts on a dress that he is automatically a cross dresser. i doubt thats the case.
let him express himself how he feels best. its not like he is hurting himself or anyone else. and he's not breaking the law.
if i had my parents support when i was that age id have had a much better childhood.
2006-10-05 09:51:47 · answer #7 · answered by KellyJeanne 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Kim,
First please DO NOT treat your child like they are doing anything wrong, your son is just expressing who he is. There is nothing wrong with being a crossdresser, nor is there anything wrong with being gay, lesbian, bi , or transgender. now with that being said many VERY straight men just enjoy wearing womens clothing, and honestly what is so different in men wearing womens clothing and women wearing mens clothing? Just because society says it is different? isnt that a double standard?
Hot when a woman does it.. Not when a man does it. Allow your son to find himself he is still young.
And PLEASE ignore the negative comments you have gotten on this board it has gone to the dogs lately. People dont know when to take serious questions serious!.
Wife(the Femme of a duo of butch/femme lesbian advice columnists)
2006-10-05 09:05:25 · answer #8 · answered by hersbandandwife 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
I think the most important thing for you to do is to make sure to let him know that you love him no matter what and wouldn't turn your back on him. Then try to talk to him about this and ask him why he crossdresses and really listen to what he has to say without judging him or freaking out. He probably has his reasons and this is not necessarily something to worry about.
2006-10-05 08:32:30 · answer #9 · answered by @*o*@ 4 · 5⤊ 0⤋
he will stop only when and if he wants to.if you forbid him from dressing in girls clothing he will only sneak it behind your back.It isnt something you can just ignore,for me the urge to dress would grow and grow until i did it to get relief.One thing you might try if you really want to stop it,,force him to be dressed feminine 24/7,and take him/her out in public.this can go either way,he will be so humiliated that he will stop dressing girly,,or enjoy it more.If you decide to force him to be a 24/7 girl,be sure to make it at least a week long punishment
2006-10-05 13:30:21 · answer #10 · answered by cindyxdresser 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋