My husband hasn't seen or talked to his father in 13 yrs. He explanation to me has been vague(As most explanations with him are!)but he says he has no interest in having a relationship with his father. I made a comment before our wedding 4 yrs ago, about inviting his father, and my mother-n-law told me if I did then she and I were going to have problems. Aparently there are details to the story that I don't know. They have never said he was abusive, so I dont think that is it. My husband has said that he wasn't very involved. I think that it is important for a person to know as much about their family history (tree) as possible and to know as many blood relatives as they can. My daughter has a grandfather that she has never known, and may never know if I dont step in. I doubt this man even knows anything about my husband, so he doesn't know about her. I think she deserves to know all of her biological grandparents. I don't expect my husband to be involved if he doesn't want to be.
2006-10-05 01:00:34 · 10 answers · asked by LittleMermaid 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Your right, I know nothing about this man, but that doesn't mean that he is a pedafile or something. From what I know, he and my husband had a disagreement about 13 yrs ago and never spoke after. I am not encouraging my husband to have a relationship with this man. He doesn't even have to know about it, if I contact him. I realize that it takes more than blood to be a grandparent. But how do I know that he wants nothing to do with my daughter. He doesn't even know that she exists. I am sure that he doesn't even know where my husband lives now.
2006-10-05 01:10:34 · update #1
My paternal grandfather walked away from my family before I was born. I only met him on two occasions (every now and again he would come to town seeking money if he hit hard times). As a child, I don't believe I was the slightest bit affected by his absence.. after all, you can't miss what you never had (and my sibs feel the same). The two times I did meet him, I felt uncomfortable in his presence, just as with any stranger.
However, I will say that my dad and his sibs all had serious difficulty dealing with grandpa's death when he passed. In retrospect I wish someone in the family had tried to reconcile things with him long ago for the sake of my father and his sisters. Once he was gone, they seriously realized they had missed out on an important relationship.
I do think it is imperative that you find out exactly why your husban'ds father is 'out of the picture' before initiating any contact. Perhaps your family has a really good reason.. people are often quiet about abusers/molesters due to the sensitive nature of these topics and you obviously wouldn't want your daughter to have any relationship with that sort of person.
2006-10-05 01:11:05 · answer #1 · answered by sueflower 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't know the entire story and even his family won't tell you, then I strongly suggest you leave it alone. Many children have grown up without knowing their grandparents. Some are probably better off. Maybe he doesn't want his father to know anything about his life now, and he has that right. If it is bad enough that the family won't tell you about it, I wouldn't go there.
I would hope your relationship with you husband is more important than and 30 mins your daughter could have with a grandfather that cause this kind if rift in the family. Don't cause a problem in your relationship with your husband over this.
2006-10-05 01:10:37 · answer #2 · answered by Alterfemego 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would leave it alone and put it to rest. If you want to know the medical terms from the grandfather, i'm sure the grandma would know some of it. I wouldn'lt but in where you're not wanted. My son who is 15 hasn't had any contact with his father in like 10 years or so, and his father was in and out of his life since birth. He chose his other women, drugs, and alcohal over our own son. And my fiance will be his dad, and that will be the only grandfather that his kids will ever know. Why let your husbands father reek in the benefits of a grandchild when he wasn't even there for anything or involved in his life. I would deffinately not try to contact his father, leave alone and put the idea to rest. When your child gets old enough and if your husband wants to tell the child someday about him he will, and who knows maybe later on your husband will feel like contacting his dad. Let your husband be the one to contact him, when and if he wants to, other wise leave the situation alone. Maybe he'll talk to you about it if you stop asking him if it's ok for you to contact him for your daughters sake. I think down deep inside you are only trying to get your husband back into his fathers life, where he may not want to be.
2006-10-05 01:25:41 · answer #3 · answered by danielle m 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to respect your husband's wishes. There are reasons as to why he doesn't want anything to do with him and you need to trust him on this one. True you could contact the grandfather w/o your husband knowing, but then you're being dishonest and disrespectful towards your husband. Yeah she'll know her grandfather, but if this feud is as serious as it sounds, you could very well be risking your marriage. Is it worth gaining a grandfather but losing her family? Think about this. If you're determined, you need to talk to your husband and inform him of your wishes. If he still disagrees with you, leave it alone. He knows his father and what all this could bring into your lives.
2006-10-05 01:22:39 · answer #4 · answered by T.G. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it would be a big mistake to go against your husband's wish! If he does not want to see him and hear from his own father, then there must be good valid reasons for this attitude.
Your daughter will not miss her grandfather if she never knew him so that is not a good excuse to wet your curious appetite!! If your daughter in time would want to meet her grandfather, then she can do it when she is of legal age. But now her father has the right to impede this meeting.
2006-10-05 01:34:06 · answer #5 · answered by trushka 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes
2006-10-05 01:02:48 · answer #6 · answered by Mary Smith 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you should respect your husbands wishes.. and not get invovled.. obviously he has a reason for him to not wanting to see or have contact with his father...
it takes more then just blood... to be a grandparent..
why should your daughter meet someone she doesn't even know.. who may or may not want to have anything to do with her?
2006-10-05 01:03:54 · answer #7 · answered by steph 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is not your descion to make. It is your husband. I suggust that you don't do ANYTHING behind your husband's back. If this is a man he doesn't want in his daughter's life than you should leave it alone.
2006-10-05 01:24:05 · answer #8 · answered by Jewells 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave it alone. He may be a pedophile, you just never know.
2006-10-05 01:02:32 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You might open something you wish you had not!!! But, it is entirely up to you!!! Good Luck.
2006-10-05 01:10:39 · answer #10 · answered by winona e 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋